In My Thoughts
by XxTassBxX
Summary: A Nick/Zoe centric fic. A sequel to 'If things had been different'. Nick and Zoe are together and have a daughter but will Nick's illness and Zoe's wandering eye lead them to heartbreak once more? Please review!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I'm back with a new story, well a sequel to a story that I did a while ago. As some of you will know, I did create a fanfic about Nick and Zoe called 'If things had been different' but I deleted that. Don't ask me why I did! Anyway, as I said, this is the sequel that I promised. Just thought I'd give you a quick summary of 'If things had been different' **_

_**Summary of 'If things had been different': It was set in the days after the end of Series 24 when Nick found out about Zoe's pregnancy lie. Nick breaks up with Zoe but when Zoe faints in resus, she and Nick find out that she's pregnant, to their amazement. Nick and Zoe get back together and are determined to be good parents. Zoe later gives birth to a baby girl who she and Nick name Alexa Scarlett Jordan. All is going well until a blast from Nick's past returns. Her name's Charlotte and when she and Nick were younger they were kind of an item. Charlotte and Nick had a little fling (and I mean a small fling) and Kirsty and Charlie found out about it but they never told Zoe. Later on, Nick becomes ill and Zoe and Charlotte are worried sick, thinking that it could be the tumour. Nick begins to get better but Charlotte blurts out the truth about her and Nick in resus and Zoe goes mad and starts a fight with her. Zoe gets really upset and goes into shut down mode at her flat, drinking a lot. Adam and Kirsty step in and look after Alexa because they know Zoe can't cope. But then later on, a girl of about 15 (Can't actually remember her name. I think it was Gabby) is brought into the ED and Kirsty and Adam treat her. They get to know her and she tells them about her life, including her mother who turns out to be Charlotte. Adam and Kirsty can't really believe it but then she then reveals that her last is Jordan which surprise's them even more, leading them to believe that Gabby is Nick's daughter. Everyone finds out Nick's love child and he begins to stay at Charlotte's because he isn't able to face Zoe. At the same time, Zoe is still finding things hard, not able to forgive Nick. And to cut a long summary short, she and Nick sort out their differences and Nick says that he doesn't feel like he can be a dad to Gabby so Nick decides that Zoe and Alexa are his family while Gabby stays with her mum Charlotte. That's how it ended!**_

_**So, there's the summary for anyone who didn't read the fanfic! **_

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"Alexa, what's Daddy got?" said Nick, picking up a cuddly teddy off the floor and placing it in his daughters gaze. Alexa immediately looked up and put her arms out towards her toy. 

"Bebby" Alexa cried and tried to grab the Teddy much to Nick's delight. Alexa took the toy out of Nick's grasp and held it to her chest, cuddling it close. 

"Good girl darling" smiled Nick, reaching out stroke Alexa's face. Zoe wandered up behind them both, armed with two cups of hot chocolate and rested them upon the glass coffee table. Zoe wrapped her arms round Nick neck and laid her head in his shoulders. 

"She's a real daddy's girl" grinned Zoe, running her hands lightly through Nick's hair.

"So she should be!" laughed Nick, picking up his hot chocolate. Nick put the drink to his lips and felt the warm liquid sweep down his throat.

"You look like you needed that" said Zoe as Nick closed his eyes for a few seconds. Nick nodded, still clenching his mug.

"Certainly did" sighed Nick. Zoe looked at him worriedly, sensing that he wasn't feeling that great.

"You don't look that brilliant" said Zoe, mincing her words carefully so that Nick wouldn't get irritated with her. Nick didn't reply but shook his head, giving Zoe the answer she thought she'd get.

"Do you want a paracetamol?" asked Zoe, gently massaging Nick's shoulders.

"No, I'll feel better soon. I promise" said Nick, trying to make Zoe feel less worried. He knew his illness has taken a toll on their relationship which had resulted in Nick taking time off work and Zoe having to work extra hours. His tumour had gradually got worse over the last year and Nick was well aware that this time, there was nothing that the doctors could do to allow him to recover.

"If you're sure love, anyway, we'd better be putting this little girl to bed" said Zoe, beaming down at Alexa. Nick drank down the last of his drink and stood up next to Zoe.

"I'll give you a hand" said Nick as Zoe frowned. Nick saw the look she gave him and groaned.

"Zoe, I'm perfectly capable of helping to put our daughter to bed!" said Nick, exasperated. Zoe's head fell and she turned away from Nick, not wanting to make eye contact.

"I just thought you'd like to go to bed that's all" said Zoe coldly, leaning down and lifting Alexa into arms. Alexa tried to clutch on Zoe's hair which made Zoe smile half heartedly.

"Come on beautiful girl. Let's get you to bed" Zoe said, holding Alexa close to her.

"Night darling" said Nick quietly, watching as Zoe took their daughter into the other room. Nick sat down and lay back against the sofa. He put his hand down the side of the sofa and felt an envelope. Nick pulled it out and read the writing in the corner

'_St James' Hospital, Private and Confidential' _

Nick carefully opened the letter and laid it out on his lap. Nick had begun to recognize these sorts of letters by now, normally regarding appointments at the St James' hospital. He and Zoe had agreed that Nick's treatment would be done there instead of Holby as they both knew that Nick found it difficult going there and seeing everyone he worked with. Nick hated people to see him in this fragile state but he understood that there was nothing he could do about it.

"What's the letter about?" asked a voice behind Nick. He turned his head and saw Zoe standing there, resting herself against the door frame.

"Oh nothing, just a heating bill" lied Nick, folding the paper back up and shoving it back in the envelope. Zoe wandered over and perched on the arm of the sofa. She looked at Nick and shook her head sadly.

"Why are you lying to me?" asked Zoe, not understanding why Nick was keeping things from her.

"Zoe, I'm not lying to you" replied Nick, taking Zoe's hand but she pulled away.

"I saw the letter earlier. I saw you put it down the sofa this morning when I was feeding Alexa" said Zoe, feeling a tear trickle down her cheek, leaving a watery tracing her face.

"It's just something from St James', informing me of an appointment next week" said Nick eventually.

"Why keep that from me Nick? You always tell me about appointments at the hospital" answered Zoe. She snatched the letter quickly away from Nick, not allowing him enough time to protest. Zoe read down the paper and then fixed her gaze onto a certain point which made Nick sigh.

"Nick, it says you've missed two appointments!" cried Zoe. Nick jerked the letter away and Zoe watched in disbelief as Nick screwed up the letter and threw it down hard on the floor.

"Nick, whats wrong with you?" asked Zoe, but Nick didn't answer, instead just placing his head in his hands.

"Can you just leave it Zoe, please" said Nick, his voice slightly muffled from his hands.

"Nick, I thought we were in this together...?" Zoe retaliated but she tailed off when Nick raised his head and looked angrily at her.

"In this together, Zoe, I'm the one with the bloody brain tumour. I'm the one who's ill!" shouted Nick. Even though he knew Zoe was only trying to be supportive, Nick just felt like Zoe had to know everything about what he was doing. He hated the sense of his lack of freedom.

"Nick, can you please calm down. Alexa's only in the other room!" Zoe sad, her voice shaking with upset. At this comment, Nick's face turned from anger to sadness and he stood up. Nick headed towards Alexa's room, leaving a despairing Zoe sitting alone in the lounge.

Nick shut the door and rested himself up against it. He peered over towards Alexa's cot, where she lay fast asleep; cuddling the teddy she had been playing with earlier. Nick wandered quietly over towards Alexa and knelt down next to her, stroking her hands lightly through the bars.

"Daddy will always love you sweetheart, even when I'm not here" whispered Nick. Alexa was everything in the world to him and he couldn't stand the thought of her being alone, even though it was inevitable.

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_**So, how was that? I've been writing this for a few months and just adding stuff as I go. I will start writing the next chapter soon! If you're reading this, please give a little review as it would mean the world to me! :D **_

_**X Natasha X**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the second chapter! Thank you to **_**A, star, BUTTONS1, Joan French, Harriet, Gillian Kearney Fan and laura for reviewing! Always makes me smile reading peoples reviews and it gives me the inspiration to carry on writing!**_

_**I just thought I'd add that in keeping up with the Casualty cast at the moment, Kirsty, Mads and Polly have gone and Dylan and Scarlett have arrived in the story, although Adam, Ruth and Jay are still in the ED and Sam, Lloyd and Tom haven't appeared. Hope that's not too confusing! :) **_

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Nick's eyes flickered open, adjusting to the darkness that surrounded him. The only sound that filled his ears was the gentle breathing of his slumbering daughter. Nick moved his hands behind him brushing past Alexa's blanket that Nick had being lying on. He looked up towards where Alexa slept, wincing slightly at the stabbing pain in his head. Nick sat up slowly, propped himself against the Lilac cot and closed his eyes. He didn't know what time it was or how long he had been there but he couldn't bring himself to leave his little girl. The thought of abandoning her ripped him apart.

After what seemed like a few minutes, the door creaked open, letting a stream of bright light leak into the room. A dark figure stepped into the room and crouched down beside Nick.

"Nick?" whispered Zoe, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. Nick awoke and jolted but sighed when Zoe's concerned face looking back at him.

"I'm fine Zoe" groaned Nick. He knew she was worrying about him but he didn't want to cause any fuss.

"I know you are but I think you should come to bed, its 11.30pm" replied Zoe watching Nick intently. She couldn't help but worry Nick. In the past few weeks, he had seemed a lot more distant and when she'd mention work, he would shrug and change the subject.

"I don't want to leave her" said Nick apprehensively, but Zoe took his arm, gently pulling him to his feet.

"Alexa's ok sweetheart, you can see her in the morning" said Zoe, wiping away a tear that she could see beginning to trickle down Nick's colourless face. Nick pulled himself away from Zoe and stared at the floor. He felt like a child from the way Zoe was talking to him but he didn't have the energy to argue with her. He felt weak and drained and even though he did his best to hide his discomfort from Zoe, he knew that she was completely aware of how he was feeling.

"I know I can't take away the pain Nick" said Zoe softly, a lump forming in her throat.

"Don't Zoe, just don't" mumbled Nick. He reached down into the cot, and stroked Alexa's cheek, smiling as she began to wriggle and kick her legs up in the air.

"I'll see you in the morning baby girl" said Nick, as he walked out of Alexa's room.

"I'm just going to make sure she's settled" Zoe called to Nick but she got no answer. His illness had taken such a toll on their relationship and even looking after Alexa was a battle between the two of them.

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"Charlie, has Zoe called?" asked Adam as he looked up from some patient's notes.

"I haven't heard that she has Adam. You think they are alright?" replied Charlie as Adam shrugged. He, Charlie and Tess knew that Nick's brain tumour had returned and were trying to help out him and Zoe as much as they could.

"They're probably just busy with Alexa" said Adam as Charlie looked intently at him, fully aware of what he was thinking.

"Maybe I should give them a call?" said Charlie.

"Excuse me but am I in a hospital or a mothers meeting?" asked the patient rather hoarsely, lying on the bed next to Adam and Charlie. Adam smirked slightly but tried to keep his cool, calm and professional manner.

"Sorry" said Adam, placing the folder back in the holder at the end of the bed "Right, I've checked through your notes Scott and it says that you suffering from Pneumonia. Has anyone been round to discuss your treatment?"

"Nope, they've just left me here" replied Scott coldly. Adam gave Charlie an exasperated looked and sighed.

"Right well I guess I'm going to be explaining it to you then" said Adam but before he had a chance to explain anything, he noticed Zoe coming in the ED with Alexa in her buggy.

"Ruth do you think you could come and deal with this patient please. Charlie and I need to be somewhere" Adam called over to Ruth who was resting against the nurse's station, smiling subtly over at Jay.

"Yeah sure" replied Ruth wandering over. Adam and Charlie headed over towards Zoe where she was talking to Tess. Both Adam and Charlie could see that she was tired and it was very noticeable that she had been crying.

"It's good to see you Zoe" said Charlie as Zoe replied with half hearted smile. Adam bent down next to Alexa and tickled the little girl under her chin, making her giggle.

"Why is Alexa here?" asked Adam cautiously but Zoe shook her head, signalling she didn't want to talk about it there. Tears began to drip down her cheeks as she looked downcast. Tess leant over the desk and rubbed Zoe's arm.

"If you want to talk about it Zoe, I'm sure Tess could look after Alexa" said Charlie softly

"That would be great, as long as Tess doesn't mind" replied Zoe, looking nervously at Tess.

"Of course I don't mind, I'd love to spend some time with this gorgeous little girl!" laughed Tess, squeezing Zoe's hand tightly.

"Come on Zo" said Adam gently, putting a comforting arm around her and leading her to his office with Charlie following along behind.

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_**I'm still not sure about this chapter as I wasn't really sure how to end it but hopefully it's ok! **_

_**I'll try and update soon!**_

_**X Natasha X**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**So here's the third chapter! I've seriously had major writers block on this part. I know what I want to right about but putting pen to paper has just been quite hard so I apologise if this chapter isn't up to scratch! **_

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Why had it have to come to this? Offloading her problems onto others that probably didn't need the extra stress. She could tell what those other people were thinking about her. She knew that some of the nurses gossiped about her when they clocked off for the day. She couldn't care less though. Being the lead item in the hospital gazette was the least of her problems. Her concern was her Fiancée's illness and whether he would live till the end of the year. Her concern was her daughter's well being and making sure she cared for her after her father became an angel in heaven. Zoe knew she needed to stay strong and not breakdown into tears at the slightest little thing, even though the urge to at times was sometimes too much to resist. Seeing her daughter's smiling face and knowing that soon, that happiness would be ripped away broke her heart and the worst part of it was that she was powerless to stop the heartbreak that was slowly approaching.

"Here you are Zoe" said Charlie, handing Zoe a steaming cup of coffee. Zoe nodded gratefully and clutched the warm drink.

"So, whats wrong?" asked Adam, sitting down next to Zoe. To be honest, Adam didn't really know why he asked the stupid question. He knew full well what was wrong with Zoe, his best friend.

"What do you think?" replied Zoe, sounding slightly irritated as Adam frowned.

"...Sorry" said Adam meekly, twiddling his thumbs awkwardly. Zoe sighed and took a hand away from her drink, entwining her hand in his.

"No, it's my fault I shouldn't have snapped"

"How is Nick?" asked Charlie, worried about how the both of them were coping at home.

"Pretty rubbish" mumbled Zoe, staring down into the contents of her coffee, not completely engaged in what Adam and Charlie were asking her.

"You know you can talk to us about anything Zoe" pleaded Adam. He squeezed Zoe's hand tenderly and she responded with a small smile. Zoe savoured this piece of comfort. It gave her a warm and wanted feeling, something that she had craved for so long but never received. Most evenings when Zoe returned from work and Alexa was asleep, she would curl up on the sofa with Nick, linking her arm through his and kissing his neck lightly, hoping for a glimpse of attention from him. Nothing. Every time, Nick sat there, an empty expression covered his face which was unreadable.

"I know and I appreciate that but I'm dealing with everything" said Zoe, watching her colleague's sympathetic faces as she lied through her teeth to them.

"We know you are Zoe but sometimes, everyone needs a little bit of help..." said Charlie.

"Try telling that to Nick" answered Zoe.

"Why don't I go round and see him eh?" asked Adam but Zoe gave him a horrified look.

"Adam, you know he'd hate that. People fussing around him" Zoe protested.

"Who said anything about fussing around him? If you haven't forgotten, I am joint clinical lead with him so I'm sure he will see my visit as work and nothing remotely caring!" replied Adam, smirking a little. Zoe laughed slightly in response to Adam's jokey speech. His casual manner allowed her relax slightly and made realise that maybe Nick did need a little bit of help from others rather than herself all the time.

"I suppose it could do some good" replied Zoe. She felt better for confiding in others. Two supportive friends who would do anything in their power to make her life easier.

"Sorry to interrupt guys" said Lenny from the doorway "Incoming RTC, 2 casualties"

"Ok Lenny thanks" nodded Adam as Lenny scuttled off in the direction of resus.

"Should I lend a hand?" Zoe said hesitantly but Charlie shook his head.

"No, it's fine Zoe. Why don't you get off home with Alexa?" suggested Charlie. Zoe smiled gratefully back at the older man, pleased to be able to go and see her daughter again. Alexa was the glimmer of light in this darkness she and Nick were surrounded in.

"Right, I'll go and get her" said Zoe, getting up off of the sofa. Adam stood up next to her put an arm round her shoulder.

"I'll go round and see Nick tomorrow Zoe, presuming you will be coming into work?" asked Adam. He didn't want to assume that she was coming in for fear or pressuring her if she wanted to be with Nick but on the other hand, Adam knew that Zoe could probably do with different company.

"Yeah, I'll be in. Alexa's going to my mum's for the day so it'll just be Nick at home" mentioned Zoe.

"Ok. I'd better get into resus, see you later Zoe" called Adam, half running out of the staffroom.

"I don't know what we'd do without you and Adam!" said Zoe turning to Charlie. By 'we', Zoe meant her and Nick. He wouldn't admit it but deep down, Nick was aware that he and Zoe couldn't have got through their rough times without support of colleagues.

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	4. Chapter 4

_I just want to apologize for my extremely slow updates. I'm still really interested in writing this story as long as everyone else is happy reading it!_

_Thank you to my fabulous reviewers! You know who are! :) I'd just thought I'd add that the ED is the original one and by that I mean before the fire and before it got revamped. Here's the next chapter!_

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Zoe wandered through the ED, placing a false smile on her face as her colleagues passed her. This seemingly happy smile that she wore was her armour. The armour that protected her from any awkward questions that people asked her and Zoe believed that if she continued to wear this barrier, she would convince herself that things would get better.

Zoe got to Nick's office and paused, turning around to look at the Emergency Department of which she worked in. This place had so many memories. The memory of their beautiful little girl entering the world. The memory of Nick's not so romantic marriage proposal. Zoe sighed at the thought of Nick and she could feel her eyes brimming with tears. She twisted round and opened the office door, letting it swing open.

"Hey Zoe" said Tess, sitting in Nick's office chair and bouncing an excited Alexa on her knee. Zoe smiled as she watched her sparkly eyed daughter giggle as Tess tickled her tummy.

"She been ok?" asked Zoe, strolling round the desk and bending down next to Alexa.

"Of course she has. You're becoming a right chatterbox aren't you?" laughed Tess. Alexa reached out to Zoe and Zoe took her clammy hand, squeezing it lightly.

"I'm trying to get her to say Daddy..." said Zoe quietly and then tailing off so that her words were hardly heard. Tess shuffled in her seat, feeling slightly uncomfortable at what Zoe was inferring. She could see in the young Doctors eyes that it was painful mentioning Nick.

"Are you coming into work tomorrow Zoe?" asked Tess quickly, anxious to change delicate subject. Zoe nodded slowly, lifting Alexa up and off of Tess' lap.

"Yes I am. Adam's going to go round and see Nick tomorrow. Just to have a chat... about work I suppose" responded Zoe hesitantly, moving a strand of dark brown hair away from Alexa's face.

"And Alexa?" continued Tess.

"She's going round to my mum's although I think Nick would rather he stayed with him" replied Zoe.

"It's understandable that he feels that way. I suppose he just wants to spend as much time with her as he..." Tess stopped suddenly when she realised what she was saying. She couldn't believe she had been so tactless about Zoe and Nick's situation.

"Tess, it doesn't matter" said Zoe, fully aware of what Tess was trying to say.

"It was insensitive of me" mumbled Tess

"At least you stated the truth. That's more than anyone else will do" Zoe uttered. Her phone began to ring and she reached into her pocket to get it, balancing Alexa carefully upon her hip. Zoe read the screen. Nick. Her heart launched into a faster beat as Zoe shakily held the phone to her ear.

"Hey Nick... Yeah, I'm just having a quick word with Tess and then I'll be coming home... That's fine... I'll pick it up for you on the way home... Ok... see you later... love you" Zoe grasped the phone tightly in her hand as she cut the call. Every time she got a call from Nick, she always feared that there would some stranger on the line, speaking in a worried voice and telling Zoe that Nick was being taken to hospital and that they called her because she was the last person on Nick's phone. Tess watched her younger colleague intently as she battled to put her phone away. Tess had always noticed how Zoe reacted when she got calls from Nick. She could see distress in her eyes as she talked to her him

"Nick ok?" queried Tess.

"Fine, just checking when I was coming home. He wanted me to pick up some painkillers for him in the chemist on the way back" answered Zoe. Zoe wandered over towards Alexa's buggy and strapped and little girl in, pulling a blanket over her legs.

"Tell Nick I said hello" smiled Tess as Zoe pulled open the office door.

"Thanks Tess, he'll appreciate that" Zoe said.

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"Can we have 10mg of morphine please Scarlett" said Adam with hints of frustration in his voice. The younger nurse nodded obediently and rushed off to find what Adam requested.

"Adam, do you need some help?" asked Charlie, coming up behind him. Adam shrugged slightly as he continued to examine Michelle, a patient who was in her 30's who had been involved in the RTC that they had been called to. Charlie sighed heavily and went round the other side of the hospital bed, peering at the bleeping monitor as he did so.

"Her sats have dropped slightly"

"Ok. I need you to order a head scan Charlie. I'm worried that the trauma to the head has caused some sort of internal bleeding" instructed Adam.

"Are you ok Adam?" asked Charlie, slightly concerned about his colleagues impetuous mood. Ever since their conversation with Zoe earlier that day, Adam had become very short with everyone who he talked to.

"Charlie, I'm fine now please get Michelle a head scan!" said Adam. He grabbed a small light from his top pocket and shone it in the woman's eyes. "Her pupils are responding which is good" Adam looked up from Michelle and frowned when he saw Charlie looking at him.

"Seriously Adam, this tense atmosphere is doing anyone any good"

"If you're really that bothered, I'm worried about Zoe and Nick" replied Adam, not making complete eye contact with Charlie.

"It's deeper than that Adam. I know you. What else is wrong?" asked Charlie. Adam breathed out slowly and glanced around the resus room, making sure there wasn't anyone else in there with them.

"It's only me in here with you and Michelle isn't conscious" Charlie reassured Adam.

"It's just that everything going on with Nick and Zoe remind me of me and Jess, minus the brain tumour of course" sighed Adam.

"I'm not sure I completely get what your trying to say" said Charlie.

"Nick and Zoe have a child together. Me and Jess have... had a child together. When I've seen the three of them together, It makes me think of how Jess, Harry and I were a family until... well you know" Adam's voice tailed off as he remembered back to the past year. The pain of losing his little baby boy was still so raw. He still blamed himself over what happened even though deep down, he knew it was just a tragic accident.

"Oh Adam"

Adam seated himself down on a stool next to the bed and he gripped the top of his arms as if he were trying to shield himself away from and everyone else around him. "I know I should just try and forget but I can't Charlie, I just can't"

"No one is saying that you should Adam. What happened to little Harry will be something that you will remember the rest of your life and your allowed to grieve. It's human nature" said Charlie. Adam reached into his pocket and pulled out a slightly crumpled piece of paper. He handed it to Charlie and the older nurse opened it carefully.

"Baby Harry" said Adam as he watched Charlie scan the photo with his eyes "I keep it with me wherever I go. It comforts me sometimes" Charlie didn't reply but nodded very subtly. He folded the photo back up and placed it in the palm of Adam's hand. Adam gripped his fingers tightly over it, closing his eyes for a quick second.

"Have you contacted Jess?" asked Charlie, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"A while ago. She's moved on now though" Adam placed his head in his hands and he remembered his wife. "S...she's moved on" repeated Adam, trying to convince himself that Jess had started a new life although in reality, he couldn't be sure.

"Even so" Charlie continued gently. He had witnessed so many awful things throughout working at Holby City but nothing came close as to what Adam and Jessica went through. And now he was having to watch Zoe and Nick suffer.

"Look, I appreciate the concern Charlie but I'm really not the one you should be worried about" Adam continued, desperately trying to get Charlie of his case even though the possibility of this happening was highly dubious. He appreciated his colleagues concern but Adam just didn't want to talk about Jess and Harry. Charlie shook his head slowly and walked away from Adam, receptive that he would most likely get nothing more out of him about his troubles.

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"Nick, I'm back" called Zoe as she entered the flat. She pushed herself up against the front door and pulled Alexa's buggy through. Zoe placed the bag, which contained Nick's requested medicine, down on their hall table. "Nick?" Zoe called again, quickly scanning the room for her fiancée as she leaned down, elevating her young daughter into her arms.

"I'm here" called a muffled voice. Zoe wandered away from the hallway and into their kitchen/diner. She turned to see Nick, hovering over the sink, peeling potatoes along with another array of vegetables.

"What's all this?" asked Zoe surprised but in truth, she was secretly pleased that Nick was up and about doing things. Nick smiled and placed the peeler down in the bowl of boiling water. He ambled across to Zoe and settled a small kiss on her cheek and then leant down, putting his hands carefully under Alexa's and lifted her up in the air, making the little girl giggle.

"Just thought I'd make an effort for you" said Nick, finally responding to Zoe's earlier question.

"Well we think it's lovely, don't we sweetheart" grinned Zoe, stroking Alexa's face.

"Why don't you two girls go and make yourself comfortable and I'll join you in a minute?" Nick suggested. This recommendation from Nick was more of an order and Zoe nodded in agreement.

"Can you just look after her for a minute while I go and get changed though" added Zoe as an extra thought. Nick acknowledged this request as Zoe wandered off into their bedroom to change from her work attire. Nick held his daughter close, kissing the top of her dark hair.

"Shall we go and find your teddies Lex?" Nick said, putting on a higher pitched voice to get the little girls attention. Nick sat down on the sofa and placed Alexa next to him. He watched as Alexa began to play with some of her toys that were spread over the sofa. Every time Nick looked at his daughter, he always found that he had this immense feeling of pride. He knew that even though he wouldn't see most of Alexa's life, she would grow up into a popular successful girl and that was the hope that kept him going. For five minutes, Nick sat there with Alexa as she continued to play until Zoe emerged from the bedroom, her work uniform completely changed into a pair of flared black jeans and a red loose fitting top.

"That was quick" Nick remarked his wife to be saunter across the flat to join them.

"No point dawdling when dinners nearly ready!" hinted Zoe, a smirk creeping across her face. Nick nodded and jokily saluted Zoe as he pushed himself off of the sofa to go and finish their dinner.

"Oh Nick, I bought those painkillers you wanted. They're on the hall table" said Zoe.

"Thanks" said Nick quietly. Zoe glanced across at Nick as she noted his quick, soft reply. His expression on his face had altogether changed and Zoe scowled slightly. She thought it was best if she didn't say anything. She didn't want a repeat performance of the other night when Nick barely uttered a word to her after she'd mentioned his illness. Instead, Zoe turned back towards her daughter, trying to forget the pain was lying upon her family which was slowly trying to destroy them.

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_I tried to make this chapter extra long, considering how long I've kept some of you waiting! Any spelling and grammar mistakes are mine as always! Keep reviewing! Each and every one of them makes me smile! Hopefully the next update will be sooner than this one! _

_X Natasha X_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello! Thanks for my reviews! Not much else to say really so happy reading! _

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"Right, there nothing to worry about Bradley" said Zoe, flicking through her patients notes. She looked over towards the young man and gave him a reassuring smile when she'd noticed how uneasy he looked. "We just need to give you a quick chest x - ray and a an echo. It's just so we can see if your heart is functioning normally"

"Hang on, earlier one of your nurses, the dark curly haired one, said I would be good to go?" asked Bradley, sitting up further in the bed as Zoe frowned.

"That's not advisable Bradley. We need to do a few more tests just to confirm our suspicions" replied Zoe. Bradley was visibly annoyed about having to stay in for a little while longer but Zoe was determined to not let anything get to her. Despite a small disagreement with Nick, last night had been really enjoyable and it almost felt as if they were getting back to normal.

"So what do you think I've got?" asked Bradley, twiddling his thumbs. Zoe flicked the folder of notes shut and placed it in the holder at the bottom of the bed.

"Well considering that you've said you've been feeling tired recently and that you've been getting some swelling in the legs, my guess is that you've got a perfectly treatable disease called pericarditis. It's basically just an inflammation of the pericardium which is a sac that surrounds the heart" answered Zoe. Bradley nodded slowly, acknowledging what Zoe had said. He sighed and rubbed his face.

"Is there anyone we could call? A wife perhaps?"

"I don't really want to bother her. I'll just give her a text. Let her know where I am" said Bradley casually. Zoe considered pursuing her quest to get someone to come and see her Bradley but she was aware that it probably wouldn't go down very well.

"If you're sure. Just let one of the nurses know later if you change your mind eh?" Zoe advised instead, making sure gave her patient the option of contacting a loved one later on. Zoe waited a few seconds for a response from Bradley but she got nothing so she turned round and began walking over towards reception where Noel and Dylan were stood together, Dylan intently looking at a computer with Noel watching over his shoulder.

"What are you two up to?" asked Zoe, standing by Noel as she peered at the screen but she frowned when she saw what it was that Dylan was looking at "You're choosing your dog's spring wardrobe?" Zoe looked exasperatedly at Dylan who just stared blankly back at her.

"One warm coat actually" replied Dylan as Noel tried to stifle a laugh behind him.

"Well after you've finished shopping for your pooch, maybe you could actually get on and do some work?" said Zoe. She had always wondered about Dylan ever since he had arrived at Holby. He'd never shown any interest in socialising with everyone outside of work and no one really knew about his background. Did he have any family? Wife? Kids? Zoe regularly tried to get some sort of information out of him but he stayed completely closed off.

"Zoe, how's Nick? Haven't seen him around in a while" asked Noel tentatively. The absence of their boss had been noticed many times but nobody had mustered the audacity to actually ask Zoe about him. They knew he hadn't been well again but they didn't realise to what extent.

"He's doing ok Noel, thanks for asking" said Zoe as she smiled back at her colleague. This was the second time someone had asked about Nick in a few days and Zoe was grateful for the concern. Zoe turned back to Dylan who had continued to look at the computer. Zoe quickly grabbed the mouse and closed the internet browser that Dylan was on.

"What are you doing?" asked Dylan, sounding frustrated. Zoe frowned and ignored him. Dylan shook his head and walked away from Zoe and Noel, muttering slightly as he did.

"Come on Dylan, I was only having a laugh!" Zoe called to Dylan. He turned round sharply and glared at her.

"Well sometimes Zoe, you're jokes aren't very funny. In fact I tell a lie, they are never funny!" answered Dylan and he stalked off towards the staffroom.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Adam pulled up outside Nick and Zoe's flat, driving into a space next to a silver Mercedes, a car he knew belonged to Nick. He turned off the engine and rested himself back against the seat. In a weird way he was nervous about going to see Nick. The last thing he would want is any concern or fussing around him and to be honest, Adam didn't really want to have to do that. Adam knew that he had to do this. He and Nick had a past. They had been through troubled times together and Adam was keen to repay the help that Nick had given him. Adam eventually pulled himself away from his thoughts and got out of the car. Once there, Adam stood outside the front door and hesitantly pressed his finger to the doorbell. He didn't have to wait long until a sound of footsteps could be heard leading up to the door. Nick opened the door but stopped when he saw who it was.

"Adam" said Nick shortly, not altogether sure whether he was pleased to see his colleague. Adam smiled waveringly at Nick, trying to get rid of the tense atmosphere that he felt was beginning to form between the two men.

"Nick" Adam responded. He didn't know what he should say. He hadn't pictured the moment feeling as awkward as it did.

"I didn't expect to see you here" Nick said, loosening his grasp slightly on the door handle. Now he had had a chance to contemplate Adam's presence, he was secretly quite glad he had come round. He hadn't been doing anything important and Alexa was round at Zoe's mums despite Nick's requests that their daughter stay with him for the day.

"It's been a while" answered Adam shortly. Nick moved back, signalling he was happy for him to come further into the flat. Adam acknowledged this and walked slowly in, hovering in the hallway.

"I suppose Zoe's had a word with you?" Nick replied. This wasn't really a question as Nick was aware that Zoe had most likely asked Adam to come round. Adam shook his head but paused when he saw Nick looking at him.

"She's having a tough time Nick. She's worried about you and I guess she just wanted someone to talk to" answered Adam honestly. There was no point lying. Nick cared for Zoe and he would have wanted to know that Zoe was able to speak to others about their situation.

"I know she is. She's trying to keep strong for Alexa. It's nice to know that your all there for her" sighed Nick as he walked away from Adam and perched himself on the sofa. Adam followed suit but stayed standing up, not wanting to make himself to much at home. He quickly gazed around the flat, taking a note of everything he saw. The place looked maculate apart from a few stray toys which were obviously Alexa's.

"So, how are you?" Adam said, eventually plucking up the courage to ask the most simple question.

"I've been better but... well you know" Nick tailed off. It wasn't easy discussing how he felt. He didn't really want to think about his illness.

"Anyway, I kind of just wanted to come and keep you in the loop about the E.D" said Adam, changing the subject to what he believed Nick would want to hear about. He couldn't remember that last time Nick had stepped foot in the Emergency Department. He presumed it would be too painful for Nick, watching his colleagues treat patients in resus when he was made to stand outside, observing from the sidelines.

"Thanks, I appreciate that" smiled Nick beckoning for Adam to sit down on a leather arm chair opposite him. Adam sat down as Nick wanted and he leant back in the chair, feeling more relaxed than when he had arrived just minutes earlier. "So, what's new then?" continued Nick, noticeably keen to discuss what had been going on in his absence. When Nick first left, he had agreed to still be an assisting clinical lead but since then, his position had begun to slip and in truth, Adam had been running to E.D singlehanded.

"Oh you know, the usual. I suppose Zoe's filled you in on any major changes" said Adam as Nick shrugged, giving Adam the impression that Nick wasn't really aware of anything different in the place he used to work.

"Zoe did mention a new nurse" said Nick, racking his brains to something Zoe had said a few months ago.

"Yeah, Scarlett" said Adam as he thought of the young nurse. Nick nodded slowly, looking as if he were about to say something but he didn't. "Henry's been on my case as well. The board wants to reduce patient waiting times from two hours to one. It's hard enough to get everyone seen within two hours" said Adam as Nick frowned. He had never really seen eye to eye with Henry over numerous things in the past so he understood where Adam was coming from.

"You make the decision Adam. Don't let Henry force you into anything. If you think we should stick with two hours then we will" advised Nick. He watched as the expression on Adam's face turned to uncertainty. Henry wasn't the easiest person to say no to. Adam nodded, taking in what Nick had told him. He was pleased to be able to confide in Nick about how the E.D was being run.

"If you want Adam, I could come into the E.D, help out on some of that paperwork that I'm sure you've got piling up somewhere" suggested Nick. Adam had always been one for ducking out on any paperwork that needed to be done.

"It's up to you Nick. If you don't feel comfortable coming in then I completely understand..." Adam said but Nick cut him short.

"Adam, I want to. I'm stuck here most days doing nothing productive whatsoever so coming into work is just the sort of thing I should do" Nick was trying to convince Adam that he was ready to face everyone but he was just as much convincing himself. Nick hadn't really considered returning to work until Adam had mentioned it and the more he thought about it, the more appealing it sounded.

"Well I suppose I could do with a hand on some reports that need writing up" Adam admitted, making Nick laugh slightly.

"I'd be only to pleased to help Adam"

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Zoe watched from outside the door as Dylan poured himself a cup of coffee in the staffroom. His expression didn't have any emotion written on it at all and Zoe couldn't help wonder what was going through his mind. She decided to enter the room and when she opened the door, Dylan jumped slightly. He glared at Zoe as she approached him.

"Don't you knock?" he asked coldly, not sounding particularly bothered about the answer Zoe would give. Zoe sensed his attitude and didn't bother answering. She leant over the worktop and grabbed a tin of biscuits. Dylan looked at her oddly and looked away again, hoping that she hadn't noticed his rather absurd look. The two of them of them stood there in silence for a few minutes until Zoe finally plucked up the courage to say something.

"Sorry about earlier with the dog thing" said Zoe.

"I'd forgotten about it" replied Dylan, trying not to make eye contact with Zoe as he spoke but he resisted when he saw Zoe's downcast face looking at him. He knew she was trying to make the effort to make apologize so he guessed he could maybe try the same.

"I suppose I'd better get back to work" said Zoe quietly as began to walk out of the staffroom.

"Don't you erm... want a drink? asked Dylan uncertainly as Zoe looked round. He would have probably rathered to stay in the staffroom alone, contemplating his own thoughts but Dr Hanna didn't seem too bad. Maybe he could take this chance to get to know someone else as well as his beloved dog.

"10 minutes won't hurt" Zoe smiled back. She wondered whether this cold, hard exterior to Dylan presented everyone with was an act and deep down, there was someone that just wanted to be understood. A good person.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Wasn't sure how to end the chapter. I was really struggling with how to write Dylan and I would really appreciate some tips on that . Anyway, sorry once again for the slow updates! Any spelling and grammar mistakes are my own. I cannot blame spell check! (:_

_X Natasha X_


	6. Chapter 6

_So here is chapter 6! There are more medical references in this chapter but I'm not a doctor so I'm sorry if anything isn't accurate although I have done research :D _

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Adam" called Zoe as her she noticed her colleague walking into the E.D. Adam looked over at once and wandered over to the direction of Zoe, who was in conversation with Charlie and Tess.

"Afternoon" smiled Adam, resting himself on the nurses' station. He watched as Zoe looked eagerly at him. He knew what she wanted to know about how it went with Nick and he was actually looking forward to telling Zoe about his visit.

"How did it go with Nick? Is he ok?" asked Zoe. She felt tense but from Adam's face, she presumed it had gone well.

"Zoe, he's fine and he actually suggested that he come in and help out with some paperwork. You know what I'm like with that sort of stuff. I come out in a sweat!" laughed Adam. He wanted to sound as positive as possible. There was no point in telling Zoe about the first awkward minutes when he arrived because after that, he and Nick had enjoyed each other's company. Zoe put her hands up to her mouth, a tear running down her face leaving a watery trace. She couldn't believe what Adam was telling her. She had forgotten amount of times that she had proposed that Nick come into the E.D to see everyone. He had always shrugged her off saying that he didn't feel like it or he had better things to do. In a way, it slightly disheartened her that it was Adam who had convinced Nick to return to work but that was overshadowed by her happiness that Nick had finally agreed to face everyone.

"Thank you so much Adam!" Zoe said as Adam pulled her into a hug. Zoe squeezed him tightly. She was so grateful to have Adam on her side.

"Did he say when he was coming in?" asked Charlie. Like Zoe, he was pleased Adam had gotten through to Nick. He hated the thought of him stuck in that flat all day, feeling like he was useless.

"He thought maybe tomorrow?" said Adam, biting his lip. Now Zoe's face had turned from delight to uncertainty as she took in what Adam had just said. As much as she wanted her fiancée back working with her again, she was slightly uneasy at how soon he was suggesting. Tess recognized the look on Zoe's face and rubbed her arm comfortingly.

"If Nick feels he's ready, let him come in. There's no reason why he should delay his return" Tess advised as Zoe nodded slowly. She knew Tess was right but she still couldn't help worrying about Nick. She was also concerned about Alexa. She didn't want to have to keep palming her daughter off with her mother if it wasn't necessary.

"I know Tess" said Zoe quietly, trying desperately to push her doubts to the back of her mind. She took a deep breath in as he colleagues gave her a reassuring smile. Adam slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a watch, frowned as he noted the time.

"I'd better go. Got a meeting with Henry. I'll see you later" said Adam as he hurried off towards the lift.

"So, when are we going to be seeing that gorgeous little girl of yours again" said Tess making Zoe smile. The thought of Alexa always brightened up her day.

"Well most likely tomorrow if Nick's coming in. I mean, I'm not on the same shift as Nick but I'd like to come in, just to keep an eye on him" Zoe winked at Charlie and Tess. She knew Nick would be fine but even so, being with him would keep her mind at rest and she'd rather Alexa be with her than with her mum.

"Dr Hanna!" called Ruth as she and Jeff brought a patient through the E.D doors. Zoe nodded and hurried over towards her colleagues.

"This is Freya Young. 32 years old. Found collapsed at a shopping centre. GCS was 5 on our arrival" said Jeff they wheeled Freya into resus.

"Right, bed 2 please guys" said Zoe as she and the others pulled Freya onto a separate bed.

"Freya's 5 year old son Isaac was also with her at the time. He's fine. Dixie's with him now" added Jeff, making sure Zoe was aware of everything.

"Ok thanks Jeff" Zoe acknowledged as the paramedic began heading out of resus "Hello Freya, I'm Zoe. I'm going to be looking after you. Don't worry, your sons fine. You can see him later" Zoe said, reassuring her slightly conscious patient.

"Can you squeeze my hand for me?" asked Ruth, placing her hand down next to Freya's which she obligingly squeezed.

"Do you have pain anywhere" asked Zoe as Freya pulled her hand up to her chest, signalling she had some chest pain. Zoe pressed a stethoscope to Freya's chest and frowned "Yeah, she's slightly tackycardic, can we get a chest x -ray, blood gases and ECG please Ruth. I'm thinking it could be a Pulmonary embolism" Zoe said, narrowing her eyes a little as she glanced over at Ruth who nodded at Zoe's diagnosis.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Nick typed in the number of Zoe's mum into his mobile and pressed it to his ear. He waited a few moment until the familiar sound of his soon to be mother in laws cheery voice on the end of the line.

_"Hello, Deborah speaking" _

"Hi Deborah, it's Nick" Nick answered.

_"Oh Nick, haven't heard from you in a while...how are you?"_ asked Deborah. Nick frowned at what Deborah had said. It sounded like he hadn't bothered calling her or seeing her in months.

"Yes, I'm not too bad thanks. I was wondering if I could come round and pick Alexa up" said Nick. Despite what he had said to Adam, he had a different plan. He wanted to surprise Zoe by turning up at the E.D today with Alexa.

_"Well yes, I suppose so but Zoe was going to pick her up after work?"_ queried Deborah. Of course she didn't mind Nick picking Alexa up but she enjoyed the time with her granddaughter and was hoping she could spend the day with her.

"I thought I'd pick Zoe up from work and collect Alexa on the way. That is ok isn't it?" Nick said, hearing a hint of hesitation in Deborah's voice.

_"Yes, don't worry, I'll have her ready for you when you arrive. When do you think you'll be here?"_

"Zoe's shift finishes in about an hour so I thought I'd come round now?" replied Nick.

"Ok, I'll see you then" said Deborah and hung up. Nick looked at the phone in surprise at the abrupt ending to their phone call. He hadn't always seen eye to eye with Zoe's mum but he tried his hardest to get along for Zoe's sake. Nick wandered over to the sofa where his jacket lay and he smiled when he noticed a picture frame stood up on the coffee table with him, Zoe and Alexa on Alexa's first birthday. He had cherished that day and it always gave him a warm feeling to look at that happy photo of the three of them. Nick picked up his jacket and felt in his pocket for the flat keys. He headed to the front door and turned around when he reached to it. He had hardly been out in weeks. It wasn't a case of not wanting to but Nick felt safe in the flat. He signed and unlocked the door, determined to go to the hospital and surprise Zoe and most likely everyone else for that matter.

Nick pulled up outside Deborah's house and sighed as he got out of the car. If it wasn't for Alexa and Zoe, Nick probably wouldn't set foot near this house. Nick locked the car door and clambered up the steps to the door. He pressed the doorbell and the door immediately opened.

"Alexa's ready" said Deborah coldly as she turned her back and walked into the living room. Nick wasn't too surprised at the lack of a welcome considering their brief conversation earlier. A minute later, Deborah reappeared, balancing Alexa on her hip.

"Hello angel" smiled Nick as his daughter held her arms out towards him. Nick lifted her from Deborah arms to his own and planted a light kiss on her forehead. She giggled slightly and nestled further into Nick.

"Here's her things" said Deborah, stroking her granddaughters face as she handed Nick the baby bag.

"Thank you for looking after her Deborah" said Nick, trying to sound grateful. Deborah shrugged and leant on the door frame.

"When will I see her again then?" said Deborah, not acknowledging Nick's gratitude.

"Soon" Nick stated simply. In truth, he didn't know when Deborah would see Alexa again. Like Zoe, he wasn't keen on palming her off onto Deborah all the time and the both of them wanted to spend more time with their daughter.

"Right, well tell Zoe I'll call her later" said Deborah "I'll see you soon darling" she added smiling at Alexa who was trying to pull on Nick's jacket. Nick nodded obligingly towards Deborah and turned, and walked down the steps with Alexa towards his Mercedes.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Zoe wandered outside from the E.D, breathing deeply as she filled her lungs with the fresh air. She glanced round and noticed Dylan, sitting alone on the bench, staring into space. Zoe couldn't recall the number of times she had seen him isolated from others. Apart from treating patients, that was the only times Dylan ever talked to his colleagues. She walked over to him and he looked up when he heard footsteps growing closer.

"Do you mind if I join you?" asked Zoe. She didn't want to just sit down next to him in case he wasn't comfortable with it but he just shrugged, seeming disinterested in Zoe's request. Zoe took this as a yes and she sat down beside him. "Are you ok?" said Zoe warmly.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" replied Dylan in an antagonistic tone. He didn't look but he heard Zoe sigh beside him, obviously frustrated at Dylan's lack on conversation.

"Ok, ok calm down. I was only asking a question" said Zoe, trying to defend herself although she was unsure of what she had actually done wrong.

"I know" Dylan responded quietly, realising slightly that he was being a bit harsh on Zoe who was completely clueless to his unfriendly manner.

"Look Dylan, you can tell me to mind my own business but you seem like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. If there's anything wrong, you can talk to me..." she tailed off as Dylan glared at her. He couldn't understand why Zoe was always trying to get him to open up to her.

"Look Zoe, your concern has been noted and I appreciate it but if there was anything wrong then I probably wouldn't come to you" Dylan said. Zoe nodded at what Dylan had said and was about to get off the bench when Dylan grabbed her arm. "I didn't say you had to go" Dylan added. Zoe smiled and seated herself down again but this time, moving closer next to her colleague.

"So you like working here?" asked Zoe, attempting to start a conversation. Zoe knew Dylan had been here a few months but she hadn't really got round to having a proper conversation with him despite several attempts to. Dylan made a point of looking around before nodding.

"It's nice. Not much different to other hospitals I've worked at" said Dylan "How long have you worked here?"

"Nearly six years now. This place has a lot of memories" Zoe replied, relaxing a little in Dylan's company.

"I suppose it does. Your daughter was born here wasn't she?" asked Dylan.

"Yes she was, hard to believe she's going to be going to be two soon" Zoe clung to her arms in an effort to keep warm. "You got a wife? kids?" Zoe added as an afterthought but regretted it a Dylan gave a loud sigh. However, she was surprised when Dylan seemed to be about to give Zoe an answer.

"I'm married" Dylan admitted but it appeared that that was all he was prepared to reveal. Zoe was surprised that Dylan had kept it a secret and sensed that there was more to it than Dylan let on.

"Wow" said Zoe subconsciously not realising she had said it out loud.

"You asked" Dylan found him said unexpectedly smiling at Zoe as he watched her shocked face. He didn't think it was that much of a shock but he supposed it was him saying it.

"I know I did but I wasn't really envisaging that I'd get a response"

"Oh ye of little faith" said Dylan, checking the time on his watch.

"So, what's her name then?" pressed Zoe, presuming that if Dylan was going to admit he had a wife, he would probably be willing to give away a little more but to Zoe's dismay, Dylan shook his head.

"Even though I told you I was married, it doesn't mean I want to discuss it Dr Hanna" Dylan replied in a serious tone.

"Oh come on Dylan, just tell me her name and I won't bother you about it again!" Zoe said.

"Oh if only that were true but if you're so bothered to know, her name is Samantha although she prefers to be known as Sam" This time it was Dylan's time to stand up and he turned to look at Zoe "I'm going back inside" Dylan walked off towards the E.D leaving Zoe sat on the bench, not knowing whether she was happy that Dylan was married or whether she was slightly disappointed...

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Once again, I apologize for the slow updates but I hope this chapter is up to scratch! Spelling mistakes are my own. Please review and favourite as it always makes my day! :)_

X Natasha X


	7. Chapter 7

_**Here's the next update. I just thought I'd say that Charlie, Adam, Jay and Kristy are Alexa's god parents. I had mentioned that in my previous fic but I thought I'd just say again. I'm not very pleased with how this chapter has turned out but I hope you enjoy it.**_

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

Zoe ambled slowly back into the E.D, lost in her own thoughts and her conversation with Dylan still playing heavily on her mind. Zoe kept replaying everything Dylan had said in her head. Even though he had told her about Samantha, she was still unsure of his feelings towards her. Why hadn't he mentioned her before. Zoe couldn't work out whether there was a secret that Dylan was keeping from everyone about his wife. Whatever it was, Zoe was determined to find out what more about his marital status.

"Ah Zoe, there you are" said Ruth as she saw Zoe wandering. Zoe looked up when she heard her name and walked over to Ruth who was clutching an x ray.

"Who's is this?" asked Zoe. She watched as a bemused look encroached over Ruth's face.

"Zoe, it's Freya Young's chest x ray. You requested for her to have one earlier" said Ruth, reminding her colleague of earlier. Zoe nodded as she remembered and took a closer look at the x ray. "Yeah, as I thought a Pulmonary embolism. Can you give her some heparin intravenously please Ruth?"

"Zoe, are you going to come and help? She is your patient" replied Ruth, not understanding why Zoe seemed so distant all of a sudden. Zoe sighed and looked at the younger doctor frustrated.

"Ruth, I think you're capable of what I'm asking" said Zoe, raising her voice slightly and watching as Ruth's head dropped, obviously embarrassed of their disagreement in front of everyone.

"I know but I just thought you'd like to..." said Ruth but was cut short by Zoe who called over to Lenny who was nearby, taking in the tense scene that fell before him.

"Lenny, can you assist Ruth" said Zoe sarcastically as Lenny dutifully nodded. He hurried over and stood beside Ruth "I'm sure between you, you can successfully insert an IV line or is that too difficult for qualified doctors!" Zoe continued into an angry tone and then stormed off in the direction of Nick's office. When she got there she slammed the door behind her and flopped down on her fiancée's black office chair. As she looked over to the window and saw Dylan walking by, tears began to fall down her face. Zoe angrily wiped the tears away as Dylan disappeared round the corner. She couldn't understand why she was so upset that Dylan had a wife. It wasn't like she and Dylan were particularly close but there was just something about their talk earlier that got Zoe. She didn't want to believe for a second that she had any romantic feelings for Dylan but as she continued to think about her colleague, this thought began to loom over her more and more. A knock at the door brought Zoe away from her thoughts and she looked up as the door opened and Adam stood there, smiling sympathetically at Zoe. Immediately Zoe broke down in tears again and Adam walked over and crouched down beside her, embracing her in a hug. Zoe wrapped her arms around Adam and buried her head in his shoulder. She could feel her tears dampen Adam's shirt as he stroked her hair gently.

"What's the matter Zo?" said Adam quietly. He wasn't certain what was the matter with Zoe. He had seen Ruth in resus and she'd dropped into conversation that Zoe had seemed on edge earlier.

"It's nothing" replied Zoe, her voice slightly muffled as her face was head was still resting on Adam's shoulder. She couldn't tell Adam what was the matter. It wouldn't make any sense. Why would she look at any other man than Nick?

"It's obviously not nothing Zoe. You were so happy earlier. What's changed?" Adam pushed Zoe away from him carefully and cupped her head in his hands, the pads of his thumbs brushing against her cheeks. Zoe closed her eyes as she felt more tears surfacing. Adam was being for kind to her yet she felt she didn't deserve it.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"Here was are sweetheart" said Nick as he parked the car next to Zoe's Mini. He turned and looked at his daughter who obliviously playing with her blanket that was laid over her. Nick was glad Alexa wasn't aware of all this distress that surrounded her and what's more, he was grateful that she was too young to understand the illness that he had suffered with over the past few years. Nick took a deep breath and opened the car door, carefully taking in the view of the hospital as he did. Nothing had changed. The outside was still bustling with doctors and nurses, rushing to get their patients that were brought in by the paramedics inside. Nick wandered round to the back of the car, pulling the door open and unstrapping Alexa from her car seat, lifting her up into and air and into the safe haven of his arms. He balanced his daughter on his hip and struggled as he locked the car. Nick began to walk towards the hospital. This was it. There was no going back. He pushed the E.D doors open and just stood in the entrance, rooted to the spot. It wasn't until he spotted a beaming Tess coming up to him and Alexa that he came out of his thoughts.

"Nick, It's so good to see you but I thought you weren't coming in until tomorrow?" Tess exclaimed, unable contain her joy that Nick had come in. Nick smiled, glancing quickly around the E.D. He felt slightly wary. It was such a long time ago that he had come back to work and he couldn't help but feel like an outsider even though virtually everyone in this hospital knew who he was.

"Well, you know me Tess, full of surprises" replied Nick, holding Alexa close. At that moment, Charlie appeared round the corner and paused when he saw Nick standing there with Alexa and Tess.

"You're a sight for sore eyes!" laughed Charlie walking over. He patted Nick on the back as he was unable to shake his hand due to Nick carrying Alexa. Tess signalled that she could take Alexa and Nick carefully placed Alexa into Tess' arms.

"I can't tell you how glad I am to be back. That flat was driving me mad!" Nick said, brushing his hands through his hair.

"Zoe's in your office" said Charlie and then he leant towards Nick "According to Ruth, she seemed a bit distressed earlier. I think Adam's with her" Nick nodded slightly but he couldn't hide the fact that he was worried about Zoe.

"Tess, do you think you could keep hold of Alexa for ten minutes or so, just while I go and see Zoe" asked Nick, quickly changing the subject. He suddenly found himself wanting to get away from reception of the E.D. He didn't want to have to hear any gossip of Zoe's earlier outburst.

"That's fine Nick although I'm not due my break yet but I think Jay is. Would that be ok?" questioned Tess although she was fairly certain that their boss wouldn't disagree about what she was suggesting.

"That's fine. Jay's good with Alexa so I don't have any problems with that" said Nick, thinking about the cheeky young nurse. Nick subconsciously looked over towards his office to where he could see through the blinds two figures which Nick presumed was Zoe and Adam.

"Sorry, we're keeping you" said Charlie understandingly as Nick looked surprised, not wanting to give the impression that he was in any way tired of his colleagues company.

"No Charlie, you're not, I'm just anxious to see Zoe" Nick replied hastily. He gave Tess and Zoe a quick smile and took Alexa's hand "I'll see you in a minute darling". Nick turned and walked off towards his office, pausing momentarily at the door, trying to make out the muffled voices from inside the door. He placed his hand on the door handle. His hand was visibly shaking as he pushed the door open to see Zoe with her head on Adam's shoulder, her face streamed with tears. When Zoe noticed Nick standing there, she jumped away from Adam quickly, her mouth suddenly forming a small smile.

"N...Nick. What are you doing here?" said Zoe now able to find her voice which she had lost when Adam had questioned her about what was wrong. Nick smiled and held his arm's outwards Zoe. she hesitated slightly but then quickly ran into Nick's embrace. Nick wrapped his arms around Zoe and squeezed her tight, never wanting to let her go. He planted a kiss in her head and she nuzzled closer into Nick, just as Alexa would do. Adam stood up slowly behind them, still in a state at Nick's presence and smiled as Nick looked at him but Nick didn't respond with the same expression.

"Nick, I'll come and see you later. It's nice to see you back here again " Adam said simply and he began to head out of the office. He could sense Nick would want find out what was the matter with Zoe but he somehow thought Nick would only get the same response as he did. Adam shut the door behind him but he suddenly felt an overwhelming temptation to linger at the door, just to hear what was being said between the couple in the office. Adam stood there for a few seconds when Dylan came up behind him and patted him on the shoulder, making Adam jump. He turned round quickly and glared at Dylan.

"Eave's dropping were we?" said Dylan without displaying any real emotion except for a small smirk on his face at what Adam was doing.

"Dylan don't you have patients to treat?" Adam retorted as Dylan shrugged in his usual cool uptight manner. Like others, Adam really hadn't warmed to Dylan and it showed every time the two men came into contact.

"I'm on a break" replied Dylan. A thought came over Adam as he faced his colleague, now more interested to talk to his colleague.

"Do you think I can have a word?" asked Adam completely ignoring the short discussion between them seconds earlier. Adam started to walk over to the nurse's station, away from the office in case Nick or Zoe was to hear the conversation he was about to have.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

_**I'm going to stop that chapter there as I was unsure of where to finish it. Please keep reviewing as I love reading them and thank you to my regular reviewers! I'll update when I can! (:**_

_**X Natasha X**_


	8. Chapter 8

"You spoke to Zoe earlier didn't you?" asked Adam staring intriguingly at Dylan who just looked blankly back at him, not entirely sure where this conversation that Adam was starting was going. Dylan opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it quickly, decided to find out more about what Adam wanted from him. Adam frowned slightly at his colleague opposite, confused at the way he was holding back with his reply "Dylan, did you speak to Zoe earlier or not?" continued Adam, rephrasing his question a little as he previous inquiry had obviously hit a brick wall in Dylan's mind.

Dylan nodded before replying to Adam "I spoke with her outside the E.D about 20 minutes ago, anyway, what does it matter if we talked?"

"She just seemed upset and just wondering whether you'd said anything to her" said Adam examining Dylan's face to see if he gave anything away with his expression but he didn't. Adam sighed as Dylan seemed didn't respond quickly for a second time Dylan, I'm serious and I'm worried about her"

"Why?" questioned Dylan which began to anger Adam. He couldn't understand why Dylan wouldn't give him a straight answer and what's more, he didn't want to have to speak about Zoe and Nick's situation in front of a colleague who in truth, he wasn't sure that he trusted. Dylan noticed Adam's eyes begin to glitter and took a step back, leaning up against a pillar that stood in reception.

"We're obviously not getting anywhere here so let's just get back to work eh?" Adam suggested, annoyed as he was admitting defeat. He turned to walk away but Dylan quickly put a hand on his shoulder.

"Look, Zoe and I were just talking briefly about our lives away from work. Zoe mentioned her daughter and she was asking me about whether I was in a relationship and whether I had kids" said Dylan as Adam nodded gratefully. Now that Dylan had told him this, Adam found himself wanting to hear more.

"And do you?" asked Adam, taking their conversation away from the subject that they had started. Dylan felt a wave of horror come over him when he realised what he had said. He wished he had never told Adam now but he knew Adam wasn't one to let things slip from under his nose.

"Is this really necessary Adam? I've told you all I know and I rather not take this any further" Dylan replied honestly, retaining his offish manner in an attempt to hide his uneasiness.

Adam narrowed his eyes at Dylan. Like Zoe, he was convinced there was something he was hiding but he was unable to put his finger on it. "That's fine" Adam said simply as Dylan dropped his shoulders a little, visibly happy that this talk had been aborted.

"I need to get back to my patient so..." Dylan said as Adam nodded in agreement. Dylan headed away from Adam, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath or relief.

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Zoe sat across Nick's lap, leaning into him and smelling the smell of his familiar aftershave. Nick held onto Zoe and stroked hair shiny black hair. Nick bent his head slightly, placing a light kiss on Zoe's forehead. He watched as she smiled, unable to hide her happiness of this loving affection that Nick was giving her. This closeness between them was something that they had both missed deeply. Nick was aware that it was partly his fault from being so distant from Zoe because of his illness but now he realised sitting here, that all those times when he felt alone, he did have Zoe and that he should have opened up to her. She wanted to care for him but Nick had never recognized Zoe's pleas to help. Zoe took Nicks hand and began threading her fingers through his.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you Nick Jordan?" asked Zoe quietly turning her head to look at Nick and breaking the peaceful silence that surrounded them. Nick smiled down at her. He lifted his hand up and began to trace his finger adoringly down her face which made sent a warm shiver down Zoe's spine.

"A few times my darling" replied Nick in the warm, soft tone that Zoe used. He was still playing over the scene in his mind with Zoe sobbing into Adam's shoulder which occurred a few minutes earlier. He wanted to ask Zoe what it was about but he felt that Zoe was content with sitting here with him and he didn't want to ruin this loving moment they were both wrapped in.

"You know, I could stay like this forever" Zoe mused. She felt so unbelievably safe here with Nick. She felt protected by Nick's presence. He had always had that affect on her. She could face anything in the world as long as Nick was there standing next to her, holding her hand and guiding her along the way.

"Yep, so could I" agreed Nick. Even if she didn't admit it, Nick knew that Zoe felt the most relaxed with him that she had felt in weeks.

"The only thing missing in this bliss is Alexa" said Zoe, wishing her daughter could be here although unbeknown to her, Alexa was only a couple of rooms away with Jay.

"Well that's easily changed Zo" grinned Nick as Zoe looked at him confused "Alexa's here. Jay's looking after her in the staffroom."

"Alexa's here?" Zoe repeated smiling, unable to contain her delight that Alexa was here "I thought she was with my mum?" Zoe added as an afterthought.

"I thought I'd surprise you. I went round a little earlier to pick her up although I didn't get the best response from your delightful mother" said Nick sarcastically as Zoe rolled her eyes. She knew her mum and Nick didn't always see eye to eye. Ever since their small break up, Deborah had held a small grudge against Nick. She thought Nick had treated Zoe badly despite Zoe's best efforts to persuade her otherwise.

"I'm sorry" said Zoe as Nick shook her head, knowing that Zoe felt guilty for his sour relationship with his soon to be mother in law.

"Zoe, seriously don't worry about it. She'll come round eventually" answered Nick, feigning the hope that Deborah might one day grow to like and trust him. Zoe shrugged, struggling to believe what Nick had said. She sighed and stood up, reaching her hand out to Nick.

"I hope you're right" said Zoe as Nick took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. They both wandered over to the door but Nick held back, deciding he needed to ask Zoe about earlier.

"Zoe" asked Nick, cautiously as Zoe smiled at him but she began to frown as she saw that Nick looked serious.

"What's the matter?" Zoe said wearily, know what Nick was going to say. She had hoped that Nick had disregarded her outburst earlier but she knew that Nick would bring it up sooner of later. Nick shuffled his feet uneasily as he tried to think of what to say.

"Why were you so upset earlier?" Nick said softly, looking expectantly at Zoe for an answer. Zoe's heart began to race as she tried to think of something to say. There was no way on earth that she would tell Nick what was really the matter. She could feel her eyes welling up but she tried to fight back the tears, determined to show Nick there was nothing wrong.

"I suppose I just felt stressed what with everything we're going through" Zoe felt her head drop to the floor as she lied to Nick. She heard Nick sigh heavily in front of her and instantly lifted her head. He smiled half heartedly down at her, moving a strand of hair away that had fallen over her face.

"Oh sweetheart" Nick pulled Zoe close and wrapped his arms around her once more and kissed the top of her head lightly, making Zoe feel even more guilty. Zoe pushed herself away from Nick carefully.

"Let's just go and see Alexa shall we?" said Zoe walking towards the door. Nick watched her leave the room and frowned. He knew there was still something that Zoe wasn't telling him...

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_**What did you think? Will Zoe eventually tell Nick what's wrong? Please review! **_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Righteo! Back with another chapter but it's certainly not my best. Any mistakes our my own. Thank you to BUTTONS10 for your review, it means a lot! If your reading this story, please give a little review. Even if it's just a simple "I liked it" or "I didn't like". Reviews give me the inspiration to carry on writing this story! **

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"Thank you for this Jay" said Zoe gratefully, bouncing her daughter upon her knee on the sofa in the staff room. The young nurse smiled back at her, tickling Alexa under the chin.

"It's no problem. I love spending time with her. She's a real character" said Jay, pleased he could help Zoe. He and Zoe had always been good friends and Jay was happy to help out wherever he could. Alexa began to grizzle slightly and Zoe pulled her daughter close and began to rock her gently, trying to soothe her cries.

"I think it's just teething" said Zoe sighing, stroking her daughters silky brown hair lightly. Zoe lifted her free hand up to her face and rubbed her eyes. Jay looked at her concerned.

"Zoe, are you ok? You seem a bit run down" questioned Jay hesitantly. He had noticed Zoe hadn't been on top form recently. She had been very pale over the last few weeks and had been very closed off from the rest of the staff with the exception of Adam, Tess and Charlie.

"It's just a little case of sleep deprivation Jay. Alexa's not sleeping very well and Nick..." She abruptly stopped talking when she realised what she was about to say.

"What about Nick? Is he ok?" Jay asked innocently. Zoe liked and trusted Jay and she knew he was only trying to help but she wasn't overly comfortable on talking about her personal life away from the hospital.

"Forget I said anything. It doesn't matter" Zoe answered quickly but Jay placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Zoe, you can tell me. Nothing you say will ever leave this room" Jay said reassuringly. Jay sat there in baited breath, waiting for Zoe's answer. He could see that deep down she wanted to be able to talk about the problems that surrounded her. Zoe took a deep breath and closed her eyes, opening her mouth about to say something but she found herself clamming out, the words getting stuck in her mouth. Jay moved closer to Zoe and wrapped his arm around her, rubbing her back in circles. As he did this, he instantly felt her relaxing. Zoe opened her mouth again and this time, she felt the strength to speak.

"You know Nick's been unwell with the brain tumour" Zoe began as Jay nodded. He inadvertently didn't respond as he wanted Zoe to continue "He's been missing appointments at the hospital and even though I say he needs to go he just dismisses it. He gets annoyed whenever I mention it which normally responds in an argument" As Zoe stopped to take a breath, Jay smiled sympathetically at her.

"What is Nick's prognosis?" asked Jay as Zoe shrugged, holding Alexa closer and placing at light kiss upon her head.

"We don't really know" replied Zoe shortly. In truth she didn't know how bad Nick's tumour had become and that was the reason she wanted Nick to attend his appointments. She knew part of Nick's hesitance to attend was the fact that he was scared and Zoe understood that but surely it was better to be clear about Nick's condition then be kept in the dark about it?

"It must be hard, especially with looking after Alexa" replied Jay.

"It can be difficult sometimes but we wouldn't change her for the world. She's the best thing that ever happened to us " said Zoe softly as Alexa's small cry's began to subside.

"Would you and Nick ever want more children?" asked Jay. Zoe looked at him surprised but with a small smile to show that she didn't mind him asking.

"We'd love to give Alexa a brother of sister but it wasn't easy having Alexa so were just grateful for her" said Zoe. She and Nick had talked about having another baby but they both wanted to concentrate on Alexa and getting Nick better. "Anyway, what about you and Ruth? How are things between you two?" Jay laughed a little and rested back on the sofa, folding his arms in a relaxed manner.

"It's been a long road but I think me and Ruth are for keeps" Jay couldn't help but smile. The first time he saw Ruth he fell in love with her and he was so happy that they could now make a go of a relationship.

"I'm really pleased Jay. I always knew you two were meant for each other" Zoe smiled towards her colleague. Jay quickly glanced at the clock then back to Zoe.

"I'd probably better get back to work, Tess will be on the war path" said Jay pulling a face as he pushed himself off of the sofa. He began to walk out but paused and turned around to face Zoe who looked up at him "Try not to worry Zo. I'm sure everything will be ok in the end" he added. Zoe couldn't help but smile at Jay. He was being so lovely to her and she was truly grateful for him being there for her.

"Thank you Jay" Zoe stated simply as Jay nodded and walked out. Not long after, Nick walked cautiously into staffroom, feeling slightly uncomfortable but he was relieved when he saw Zoe sitting on the sofa beaming down at their daughter who was clapping her hands together. Zoe looked up when she heard footsteps approaching.

"Look who's here Lex" Zoe said softly to her daughter and Alexa held her arms out towards Nick who bent down next to Zoe and Alexa. He rested his hands under Alexa's arms and lifted her out of her mother's embrace.

"Hello my little princess" said Nick, placing a light kiss on Alexa nose which made her giggle. Zoe smiled as she watched Nick and Alexa together.

"She's missed her daddy" said Zoe as she ran her hands through her hair, yawning slightly.

"I think we should get off home. You look tired" suggested Nick as she nodded in agreement. It had seemed like a very long day and all she wanted to do was spend the rest of the evening with Nick and Alexa. She also just wanted to get away from the hospital. Dylan was still playing heavily on her mind, despite her best efforts to forget about him and Zoe hoped that they didn't meet him on their way out.

"That sounds like a very good idea" replied Zoe, standing up and smoothing out her skirt. She grabbed her bag and pulled it over her shoulder. She and Nick made their way out to reception where Adam was stood filling out some discharge forms with Noel and Lenny standing nearby in deep conversation.

"I just need to ask Adam something Zoe" said Nick to Zoe who took Alexa out of Nick's arms and into her own. Nick wandered over to Adam and tapped him on the back who looked round abruptly.

"Oh Nick, you off home?" asked Adam, peering over Nick's shoulder to see Zoe stood with Alexa at the entrance to the E.D.

"Yep. I was wondering Adam, if you knew what was up with Zoe earlier. I didn't really get a chance to speak to you about it" Nick said as Adam sighed. He himself wasn't entirely sure what was up with Zoe but he was pretty sure it had something to do with Dylan.

"I've got a bit on an idea but I think we should discuss it in private" replied Adam, lowering the tone of his voice so that Lenny and Noel didn't overhear the conversation.

"Yes ok. I'll be in tomorrow so maybe we could have a chat then?" asked Nick as Adam nodded. Lenny looked up when he heard Nick's voice.

"It's good to have you back Mr Jordan" Lenny smiled hesitantly.

"It's good to hear I've been missed!" said Nick giving a small laugh. It was nice to be back at work. Being there felt like a release from his personal life but he hadn't heard what Adam had to say yet...


	10. Chapter 10

7.08am

Nick lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. The expression written on his face in the dim light may have shown nothing but inside, Nick couldn't stop thinking about what Adam would tell him later. It may be nothing but Nick still hoped that Adam could shed a little light on Zoe's emotional outburst yesterday. Nick turned his head on the pillow and watched as Zoe slept peacefully next to him, blissfully unaware of her fiancée's concern for her. Her hair was all dishevelled from her slumber and her side of the duvet was only half covering her. Nick smiled slightly at Zoe. She had always been restless sleeper and had on rare occasions, sleep walked. Zoe suddenly turned over which made Nick jump. Zoe opened her eyes, awoken from Nick's jolt in the bed. She looked at him using the faint light that had begun to seep through the gap in the curtains.

"You're awake?" said Zoe in a whisper as Nick sighed, shivering softly. He pulled the duvet further up over his body, resting the top of it just below his chin. He instantly began to feel to warmth creep over him again, relaxing him a little. Zoe moved her hand under the covers and rested it upon Nick's threading her fingers through his. He squeezed her hand in response and closed her eyes.

"I couldn't really sleep" Nick answered eventually as Zoe nuzzled closer towards him. She cocked her up towards Nick and planted a small kiss upon his cheek.

"Is there anything on your mind?" Zoe asked, pushing herself up in the bed, now fully roused, and leaning on her elbows to support her.

"Not really, I've just headache" replied Nick, subconsciously moving his hand up towards his head and rubbing his forehead.

"Can I get you a paracetamol?" Zoe suggested as Nick winced a little at the throbbing pain he was experiencing. Nick shook his head which only enhanced his discomfort. Zoe frowned sensing Nick was feeling worse than he let on. Zoe shifted the duvet off of her and swung her legs out of bed, smoothing out her bedraggled hair. Nick reached out and put a hand upon her shoulder.

"Where are you going Zoe? It's not even six o clock" said Nick, squinting at the clock that hung on the wall ahead of the bed. Zoe followed his gaze and shrugged. She didn't want Nick to have to suffer any more pain than he was. Zoe pushed herself off of the bed and padded towards the door, pulling it open slowly which gradually let more light come into the bedroom. Before she went out of the room, she turned to face Nick who was now trying to sit up in bed.

"I'm going to go and get something for your migraine" she said speaking quietly as she was aware Alexa was still sleeping in the room next door.

"Zoe I told you It's just a headache. It will pass" Nick persisted even though he knew that Zoe didn't believe him.

"You always were an awful liar Nick" Zoe said wearily. She would normally of said this comment in a jokey manner but she couldn't seem to find the energy. She didn't wait for Nick's response and she headed out of the bedroom. Instead of going straight to the kitchen, she turned and walked a few paces next door to Alexa's room. As she opened the door, she fumbled around in the darkness of the room the find the light switch. As Zoe walked over to Alexa's cot, her daughter tried to sit up, holding out her hands for Zoe to pick her up. Zoe smiled down at her daughter as she leant down and lifted her daughter into her arms.

"Hello baby girl" said Zoe softly as Alexa rested her head on Zoe's shoulder. Zoe smiled as Alexa cuddled closer towards her and decided that she would take Alexa to see Nick which she knew would instantly make him feel better. Ever since Alexa was born, Nick had been completely smitten with his little girl and he was never happier than when he was spending time with her. Zoe walked back to the bedroom and was greeted from a beaming smile from Nick when he saw Alexa.

"What are you doing up so early sweetheart?" said Nick, sitting up in bed. Zoe handed Alexa to Nick and he placed her down next to him in the bed, ruffling her dark brown hair. Zoe went back out of the bedroom to get some painkillers for Nick. She was about to open the kitchen cupboard door when she heard the crash of post landing on the floor. Zoe wandered over to the front door and picked up the post, sifting through the junk mail that regularly came through their door. She paused when she came to an official looking letter which had 'St James' Hospital. Important' scribed onto the top. Zoe took a deep breath in and pulled the letter close to her chest. She knew Nick couldn't hide this letter from her and she was adamant that she would persuade Nick to attend. Zoe noticed her handbag sitting on the table in the hall and Zoe peered towards the bedroom to make sure Nick wasn't coming out before she slipped the letter into her bag. She felt bad for not trusting Nick but she knew if he found it lying around, he'd just try and hide it from her. Zoe headed back to the kitchen, grabbing some painkillers and a glass of water before going into the bedroom again.

"Here we are" said Zoe, pushing the bedroom door shut with her foot and then placing the painkillers and water on the bedside table next to Nick who was balancing Alexa on his lap. He nodded graciously at Zoe who sat down on the bed next to Nick, resting her hand upon his leg. "Are you going into work today?" Zoe began as Nick looked hesitantly at her before giving his answer.

"Well, I promised Adam I'd help out with some paperwork didn't I" Nick replied before pulling a face which made Zoe laugh. They both knew Adam was one for diving out of paperwork, always hoping someone else would step in to do it "Are you off today?" added Nick as an afterthought.

"Yep. I'm going to spend some time with this little madam" answered Zoe happily, looking down towards her daughter. Even thought she loved her job, she always relished the time that she got to spend with Alexa. She was growing up so fast and Zoe always hated the thought of missing anything new that she did. As Zoe raised her head to look at Nick, she noticed a crest fallen expression on his face. Zoe suddenly felt a wave of guilt fit her because she was able to stay at home with Alexa when Nick had to go to work.

"I think I'm going get up" sighed Nick, lifting Alexa of his lap and onto to the bed next to Zoe. He pushed himself of the bed and stretched out, running his hands through his hair.

"Daddy" Alexa cried when she noticed her father was no longer next to her. Nick quickly turned round, a huge smile written across his face. He couldn't believe that Alexa had just tried to call him Daddy. She had often tried to say it before but never as clear as this. Zoe couldn't help but beam up at Nick, so happy and proud that Alexa called Nick Daddy. Nick bent down in front of his daughter and ruffled her hair.

"Aren't you a clever little girl eh?" laughed Nick, unable to contain his delight. He and Zoe had always had jokey arguments over whether Alexa would say Mummy or Daddy first but deep down, Zoe had prayed that their daughter would say Daddy first as she knew how happy it would make Nick. Nick stood back up, still beaming at Alexa. He was so proud that she'd been able to say it. At that moment in time, regardless of any concern for Zoe upset yesterday or any pain he was in, nothing could take away the happiness that was inside him.

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**A/N: This chapter didn't really have much happening in it but I thought I would do a chapter just solely focusing on Nick, Zoe and Alexa. I was planning to write more for this chapter but I thought this would be a good place to stop. I was so pleased at the response for the last chapter and I'm so grateful! Please continue to review! **


	11. Chapter 11

Nick loosened his grip around the pen he was clutching and let it drop upon the pile of important hospital information the sat on the desk in front of him, most of which should have been read through and completed a while ago, although the exact date wasn't that clear to Nick. He brought his hands up towards his head and pressed his fingers against his temples, massaging them gently. He gradually felt the slight pain in the side of his head subside as he continued to rub the on the side of his face. He glanced down at the paperwork he had just sifted through and shook his head slowly at the task Adam had set him a couple of hours ago. Since then, Nick had sat holed up in his office, well technically it was Adam's in the eyes of the hospital but Nick preferred to think of it as his own. As he scanned the text ridden papers scattered in front of him, he noticed an envelope encased in between them. Nick pulled it out slowly, not wanting to disorder neat pile that he had produced. As he read the front of the envelope, he stopped when he saw the some words printed that he had read so often;

_'clinical lead'_

This two word title had meant so much to Nick when he was well. It gave him a sense of power and importance. He had always felt that when he had this title pined onto him, people respected him more and believed in him. Now as he walked round the hospital, he was just seen as an ordinary doctor, going about his ordinary duties. Even though he had only been back at the hospital a few days, during that time he had certainly discovered a lot about how the place had changed. As he had come into work that day he had observed a few new trainee doctors working alongside Adam, still unsure of their names, hanging onto every word that he spoke. It slightly disheartened Nick to see this, wishing that he was in Adam's place with these young people looking up to him. He was of course pleased for Adam who was relishing in the fact that he was a higher position in the hospital. It had been a very rewarding job, getting to know the patients really as well as being able to attend fancy dinners that many other people in the hospital were not able to. But when it came to juggling work and family, being clinical lead was a challenge. Nick had first realised this properly when Alexa was born. He had been so anxious to be at home with Alexa and to help Zoe with looking after their newborn daughter but being clinical lead meant that he wasn't able to do as much as he had hoped. That was something he'd always regret. Not spending enough time with Alexa when she was very young. If he and Zoe were lucky enough to have any more children then he would make sure he wouldn't miss a single of minute of their young years.

Nick placed the official envelope back down upon the desk and rested back against the chair, admiring his hard work. He looked up when he saw a figure pass quickly through the window that had blinds placed in front of it. Nick immediately sat up straight in the chair, retaining his professional manner once again. The door clicked open and Adam stood in the doorway, grinning down at the pile of paperwork that was laid tidily and methodically on the desk, which had earlier been lying in a heap on the bottom of a cupboard floor in his office. Nick caught the smirk that was written upon Adam's face, knowing full well what his colleague was thinking.

"Is this better?" questioned Nick, moving a piece of paper back into place that had come astray.

"Much" replied Adam simply, flopping down onto a chair that sat in front of the desk. He was grateful that Nick was doing this for him but he also knew that Nick properly wouldn't be obliging if Adam asked him to do it again. Nick sighed and stood up, walking over to the water machine that stood in the corner of his room. He grabbed a plastic cup that sat on top and held it under the tap, waiting for the water to pour into it.

"How come you got so behind on everything Adam?" asked Nick seriously as he lifted the cup to his lips , taking in a large mouthful of water. He watched as Adam shrugged, seemingly unruffled of how disorganised he had become.

"Oh you know me Nick, I'd rather be out treating patients and saving lives rather than sifting through pointless paperwork that doesn't really mean anything" Adam said rather sarcastically as Nick shook his head. He understood that Adam hated doing this sort of thing but it was all part of the job. Nick opened his mouth to reply to what Adam had just said but Adam cut in before he had a chance to say anything "Look, I know what you're going to say Nick. I've heard it a hundred times".

"And a hundred times you have chosen to ignore it" said Nick as he threw the paper cup swiftly into the bin over the other side of the room. Adam placed his hands on his head and sighed, getting a little annoyed at this lecture Nick was giving him. He did know he was right though. He should be taking his responsibilities a little more seriously. Nick noted that Adam seemed to be tiring of what he was saying so he decided to change the subject.

"Anyway, you said you were going to speak to me about what said Dylan yesterday about Zoe and I think now is as good a time as any to tell me" said Nick, sitting back down in the chair opposite Adam. Adam's heart began to race. In a way, he was hoping that Nick had forgotten that he wanted to talk to him. Adam wasn't keen on discussing Zoe behind her back but he knew that Nick really wanted to know about what was the matter with Zoe.

"To be honest Nick, I'm not really sure what he said" admitted Adam "He was pretty vague about the whole situation" Adam shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he waited for a reply from Nick.

"And, it's still worth hearing what he said even if it makes no sense whatsoever" Nick persisted.

"I get the impression Zoe and Dylan were talking about each other's personal lives..." Adam tailed off as Nick took a deep breath and put his head in his hands. He didn't need Adam to continue as he knew what he was getting at. He knew Zoe had been troubled by their home life and his illness but he hadn't realised how bad it had become. He hated to think that even talking about them made Zoe upset but unbeknown to Nick, that wasn't the case at all. Nick was very far from the truth of why Zoe was so upset. Nick lifted his head up, feeling the tears welling in his eyes, and faced Adam. His face was sympathetic, knowing exactly what Nick was thinking.

"I'm just going to go and take a breather" said Nick, pushing himself out of the chair. He just wanted some time on his own to think even though that's all he'd been doing for the last few days. Adam nodded but didn't say anything, sensing that there wasn't really much more to say. Nick opened the office door and headed outside. He went and stood up against the wall outside the E.D and closed his eyes. He only opened them again when he sensed someone standing in front of him.

"You alright?" asked Charlie bluntly. He had seen Nick walk out the E.D just minutes before with a worried Adam standing at the office door. Nick looked tired and troubled but these days, Charlie never saw him or Zoe any differently.

"I'm going to get asked that a lot aren't I?" replied Nick, laughing slightly although he didn't feel there was anything to laugh about. It was nice that people cared but if Nick was honest, he was getting a bit fed up of it and he'd only been back a couple of days. Charlie shrugged in response and stood next to Nick, leaning up against the wall also.

"Why don't you get yourself off home? You look worn out" said Charlie honestly as Nick rolled his eyes. He could also count on Charlie for the truth.

"Thanks for that Charlie" said Nick, not attempting to look at his colleague.

"I'm just saying what I see Nick" Charlie continued, sighed quietly "Seriously, you've been shut up in that office for a good few hours doing goodness knows how much paperwork. I'm sure Adam wouldn't mind if you headed off early" Nick brought his hand up to his head and nodded slowly in agreement. If it had been another day, Nick would have probably argued with Charlie saying that he was fine and that there was nothing wrong but today, he just didn't have the energy and in truth, all he wanted to do was get home to Zoe and Alexa who had been enjoying a day together as Zoe hadn't been working.

"I think that is a very good idea" said Nick, pushing himself away from the wall. He straightened out his tie before lowering his head gratefully at Charlie and heading back inside to collect his things.

Once he had got everything together, Nick got into his car and drove home, listening to his usual classical music. He knew Zoe hated it so he always used the time when Zoe wasn't in the car with him to listen to it. When Nick arrived home, he parked the car in his normal parking space and took the lift up to their flat. He pulled the house keys out of his pocket and put them in the lock, turning the handle and entering the flat. He placed his briefcase down on the hall table and walked into the kitchen lounge area where Zoe was sitting on the sofa reading a magazine while keeping a watchful eye over Alexa who was sitting on her play mat which lay upon the wooden floor, playing with her toys. Zoe turned her head when she heard footsteps behind her and smiled as Nick approached.

"You're back early" said Zoe, tilting her head as Nick bent down to kiss her. He smiled at her and flopped down next to Zoe on the sofa, resting his head back against a pillow.

"Thought I'd get off earlier so I could see you and Lex" replied Nick, moving his arm behind Zoe. She moved closer next to him and rested her head upon his chest.

"I suppose Adam presented you with a load of paperwork?" asked Zoe as Nick nodded.

"You could say that. Took me a couple of hours to get through it all" replied Nick as Zoe turned her head to look at him. She couldn't hide the fact that she was slightly shocked at the amount of work Adam had given Nick. She had hoped that Adam wouldn't give Nick too much to do considering it was his first official day back.

"So much for taking it easy" muttered Zoe as Nick frowned.

"Zoe, looking through some paperwork is hardly climbing up Kilimanjaro!" said Nick as Zoe tried to stifle a giggle.

"I know but I'm just worried about you" said Zoe. Nick sighed in response and kiss the top of head lightly in a way of reassuring Zoe that he was fine. He moved his arm away from Zoe and bent down towards his daughter who put her arms out towards him. Nick lifted her up and placed her upon his lap, bouncing her slightly. Zoe noticed Nick looked deep in thought and she placed a comforting hand on his back.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Zoe and Nick turned his head, a small smile encroaching on his face.

"Wouldn't it be wonderful for Alexa to have a little brother or sister?" hinted Nick even though it wasn't very subtle at all. Zoe interest in what Nick was talking about suddenly diminished and she placed her head in her hands.

"Nick, we've talked about this" said Zoe, her voice slightly muffled.

"I know we have but I just thought..." Nick tailed off when Zoe lifted her head up, seeming frustrated.

"You thought what?" said Zoe, her voice now raising "Nick, it was hard enough to get pregnant with Alexa. What makes you think it would be any easier the second time around?" Zoe stood up but Nick grabbed her hand while balancing Alexa on his knee.

"Let's just talk about this" said Nick, trying to keep things calm as he sensed tension surrounding them.

"No Nick" said Zoe, her voice suddenly decreasing to a mumble. A tear began to trickle down her face as she turned and headed to the bedroom, leaving Nick and Alexa in the lounge. Zoe shut the door and leant up against it, letting all the tears that she was keeping back stream down her face. She slid down the down and sat huddled up on the floor, her head in between her knees. The truth was that ever since Alexa had arrived, Zoe had always wanted to have more children but she knew having another child wouldn't be easy for the both of them. Before trying for another baby again this Zoe wanted to make sure Nick was on the road to recovery and that she had control of her feelings towards a certain colleague and at this moment in them, Zoe couldn't see either of those things happening any time soon.

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_**A/N: Wow, I think that is probably one of the longest chapters I've written for this story! I hope it wasn't too long for you all! Thank you for all your wonderful reviews. They really do mean alot.**_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I apologize for the lack of updates on this story. I have had awful writers block and haven't had a clue what to write. I wasn't really sure where I was taking this story but now I'm ready to get this it going again. Thank you again for the reviews I have received on this story. I really do appreciate them! I also want to point out that this is set in the same night as the previous chapter.**

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Zoe shivered slightly in the cold wind as she stood on the doorstep of her mum's house. She lifted her hand up and rang the doorbell before pulling her coat around her more in an effort to keep warm. She didn't have to wait very long until her she heard footsteps approach and then the door open, letting a wave of warm air out into the chilly night. Deborah sighed heavily when she looked at her daughter, mascara leaving a trail down her face where she had been crying. She knew Zoe was going to come round. She had called earlier saying she had to get out of the flat and away from Nick. She could tell Zoe was upset on the phone so it hadn't come as a surprise that Zoe had turned up in such a state. Deborah moved back against the wall to let Zoe into the house. Zoe took and deep breath and walked slowly into the house, not making eye contact with her mum. Deborah pushed the door shut as Zoe took off her coat, her back to her mother. Deborah moved forward slowly and placed a comforting hand on Zoe's shoulder. Zoe placed her coat over the banister and turned around, finally taking the courage to look at her mum. Deborah held her arms out and Zoe fell into her embrace, sobbing quietly into her mum's shoulder. Deborah hugged Zoe lightly, stroking her shiny brown hair.

"It's all my fault mum" Zoe sniffed as she lifted her head up to look at her mum. Deborah gave her a half hearted smile as she continued to stroked her daughter's hair. When Zoe had rung, she hadn't really explained what had happened with Nick and why she was coming over so Deborah was in truth clueless to what Zoe was referring to when she said it was 'all her fault'.

"Zoe, let's go into the other room and sit down" said Deborah quietly into Zoe's ear. Zoe gave a very slight nod and both of them pulled each other to their feet. Deborah led Zoe into the lounge and beckoned for Zoe to sit down on the leather sofa. Zoe obeyed and seated herself down, leaving room for her mother to sit next to her. Deborah rested herself down on the sofa and put her hand on Zoe's knee, squeezing it softly "So?" Deborah began as Zoe looked sadly at her "What's this all about eh?"

"Like you can't guess" replied Zoe as Deborah frowned at her. Zoe knew what she was thinking. Deborah had always said a countless a countless number of times that she and Nick needed to sort of their differences for Alexa's sake. Zoe was knew her mum was right but at that moment, any small disagreement seemed to turn into something so massive.

"What was it about this time?" continued Deborah, wanting to hear what her daughter had to say. Zoe shuffled around awkwardly on the sofa as she tried to think of something to say.

"Me and Nick were talking..." Zoe paused but Deborah squeezed her knee again, trying to reassure her. "Nick said about maybe having another baby" Zoe said finally. Deborah shook her head but with a very small smile on her face.

"Oh darling" said Deborah sighing, moving closer to Zoe and putting an arm round her "Why is that such a bad thing?" Zoe looked at her mother, a surprised expression coming onto her face. She hadn't expected that reaction at all.

"Mum, don't you know what me and Nick went through to have Alexa. Our relationship nearly broke down" Zoe said, feeling slightly annoyed at her mother's lack of understanding.

" Of course I know that but I don't think that's the whole problem is it?" replied Deborah raising her eyebrow.

"What are you talking about? Of course that's the problem" said Zoe, her voice shaking slightly. She wanted to argue with her mum but she didn't have the heart. Her mum was right. It wasn't the reason she was scared of having another baby.

"Zoe, I know you well enough to know when you're lying to me" Deborah persisted as Zoe rested back against the sofa, pushing her hair away that had fallen across her face. Zoe stared at the ceiling as she and her mum sat in silence in the lounge, the clock's gentle ticking being the only sound.

"I suppose I think we're just not ready" Zoe admitted, breaking the reticence around the two women "Nick seems to forget he's ill and if he got worse, how would we cope if we had another child as well as Alexa?" Zoe watched her mother as she thought for a moment, taking in what Zoe had just said.

"I can see why you're worried but you're a strong woman Zoe, you'd manage" Deborah said, trying to reassure her daughter.

"What if Nick... died" said Zoe quietly, her voice barely audible "I'd be left to look after two young children without him. He's everything to me and I couldn't do it if he wasn't there by my side" Zoe was trying to fight back the tears but it was to no avail. Tears trickled down Zoe face as she furiously wiped them away. Deborah lifted up her hands and cupped Zoe's face in the them, the pads of her thumbs drawing soft circles upon Zoe's cheeks.

"That's whats really the matter isn't it sweetheart" Deborah said, feeling tears brim in her own eyes as she looked at her distressed daughter.

"I'm scared mum" replied Zoe, suddenly wanting to tell her mother everything that she had been bottling up for months "I need him, Alexa needs him".

"I know you are but remember I'm always going to be here for you and so will your sister" Deborah said comfortingly as Zoe shrugged doubtfully.

"Of course you would mum but I haven't seen Steph since Alexa's christening. She hasn't bothered to get in contact" replied Zoe. She was slightly disheartened that her sister hadn't been in touch. As well as that, Zoe missed being able to see her niece and nephew.

"Have you tried to contact her?" asked Deborah, raising her eyebrow as Zoe rolled her eyes at her.

"I suppose it just slipped my mind" said Zoe as her mum shook her head. Her two daughters were so close and so alike in their ways and it was a shame that they hadn't spoken to each other in a long time. Deborah knew that Zoe needed people around to support her and maybe having her sister around could help.

"Why don't I call her for you eh?" Deborah suggested as a small smile crept upon Zoe's face. It was one less thing for Zoe to worry about.

"Thank you" Zoe responded, clutching her mum's hand gratefully.

"Don't mention it" smiled Deborah getting off the sofa and smoothing down her top "I'm going to go and get us a drink. It looks like you need it" Zoe laughed slightly as her mum wandered off towards the kitchen. Deborah stopped when she reached the door. She turned around and faced Zoe, looking at her closely "Don't keep hiding things from Nick. He'll understand and if you want to get through all this, you and Nick are going to have to be truthful to each other. No more secrets". With that, Deborah left the room, leaving Zoe sat there, thinking about what her mother said. She was right. She couldn't keep on lying to Nick. Zoe felt down in her bag and pulled out the envelope Nick had been sent a few days before. She held it carefully in her hand as she decided what to do but in Zoe's mind, there was only one thing she could do. She would show Nick the letter and they would get through it together. Anything feelings that she felt for Dylan were going to be put to the back of her mind. Her main priority right now was to get Nick well and for them to be good parents to Alexa.

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**Right, I'm going to leave this chapter there even though I could probably go on for a lot longer. I know this story has been a bit gloomy lately but I promise it will get happier! I will try and make sure the next update won't be as long. Once again, thank you for all your reviews and please continue reviewing! x**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you to all the reviews. It's much appreciated! Once again, the beginning of this chapter is still set in the same night as the last two chapters. I just want to say that this story is going to get happier as I know it has been pretty doom and gloom recently! All mistakes are my own and I don't own any of the characters! Here's an extra long chapter for you wonderful people!**

**I just want to say, how good was the end of the series on Saturday! Such emotional scenes between Nick and Zoe. Roll on series 27!**

**I'm also planning to do a one shot for that episode so look out for that!**

**Keep reviewing!**

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Zoe unlocked the front door to the flat and stepped inside, closing the door quietly behind her. She could hear the voices softly in the background as she kicked off her heels and headed to the direction of the sound. When she reached the lounge, she could see Nick laying on the sofa with the television although she was doubtful that he was actually watching it. Nick looked up as he saw Zoe in the reflection of the window. He sat up and swung his legs off of the sofa, patting the seat for Zoe to sit down. Zoe smiled slightly at Nick who leant over to the coffee table and grabbed the TV remote, switching it off. Zoe seated herself next to Nick and he instantly took her hand, squeezing it gently.

"I thought you weren't coming back" said Nick, stroking the back of Zoe's hand.

"Of course I was coming back silly. I just needed some space that's all" Zoe admitted, placing her hand over Nick's. Nick laughed a little, knowing he was probably over reacting "Is Alexa asleep?"

"Yeah. I wasn't sure when you were going to come home so I thought I'd settle her down for the night" replied Nick.

"That's fine, it gives us a chance to talk" said Zoe, glad that she and Nick had this time to be on there own.

"Did you go to your mum's?" asked Nick as Zoe nodded "I expect she told you that I was no good and that you could do so much better" continued Nick, rolling his eyes.

"Nick please" replied Zoe, raising an eyebrow at Nick. She hadn't come back to argue and she was determined not to. Her mum's words had a real effect on her and she knew that she was right.

"Ok, I'm sorry" Nick acceded. Zoe looked down towards the floor where her bag lay. She could see the Nick's letter in a white envelope at the bottom of her bag. She reached down and clutched it in her hand, keeping it there for a few more seconds, unsure of whether she should show Nick but she knew she didn't really have any choice. Nick watched as Zoe pulled out the letter and placed it on her lap, resting her hands protectively on top of it.

"What's that about?" queried Nick as Zoe loosened her grip on the envelope and passed it to him. He sighed as he saw the familiar lettering at the top of St James' Hospital "H...How long have you had t...this" Nick stuttered, suddenly finding it difficult to get his words out.

"Only a couple of days. I only kept it with me because I didn't want you to hide it like you did with the other letters you've received" Zoe replied honestly. Nick nodded slowly, his eyes fixed upon the envelope in his hands.

"I don't blame you for doing that Zoe. I need to face up to this sooner or later" answered Nick, tapping his head. Zoe smiled slightly at him. She felt so relieved that Nick wasn't angry with her actions and she also felt proud that Nick was finally acknowledging that they couldn't keep ignoring his illness.

"Do you want me to open it?" asked Zoe as Nick shook his head. This was something he needed to do for himself. He placed his thumb underneath the seal and ripped it open. He pulled out the letter and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Zoe noticed his apprehension and moved closer to Nick, settling her hand on Nick's back and rubbing it in circles. As she did this, she could feel Nick instantly relax and he opened the letter, holding it in front of them so they could both read it.

_'Dear Mr Jordan_,

_We are writing to you, regarding your two missed hospital scan appointments at St James' Hospital. As you will be aware, these appointments are of the upmost importance and it is recommended that you attend this next one we have arranged for you on the 22nd July at 10.30am with Dr Francis Lively. If you are not able to make this appointment, please call the hospital and arrange it for another time...'_

"That's tomorrow" Nick said quietly, still studying the words on the letter. Zoe smiled weakly at Nick and rested her head upon his shoulder, moving her arm up Nick's back and running her fingers through his hair.

"I know it is. I'm going to be there with you sweetheart" said Zoe reassuringly, sensing Nick's apprehension even though it didn't come as a surprise.

"I'm scared Zoe" stuttered Nick as tears began to trickle down his cheeks. He was so terrified of going to the hospital and getting bad news. He couldn't stand not being able to be there for Zoe and Alexa.

"Oh darling, I know you are" replied Zoe, feeling tears well up in her own eyes. She lifted her hands up and cupped Nick's face, running the pads of fingers over his cheeks and wiping the tears away. This was the side of Nick no one else ever got to see and Zoe wished she never had to see it either. It upset Zoe to see him so vulnerable and troubled.

"Will you come with me?" asked Nick, shaking a little.

"You don't even need to ask. I'm going to be there by your side every step of the way" replied Zoe, not even hesitating at Nick's question. She knew the answer before he had even finished speaking. There was no way that she would ever let him go this alone.

"It might be a while though. I'll probably be 20 minutes in the scanner" said Nick, thinking back to his past experiences.

"Nick, I am a doctor as well you know. I do know long how it takes" laughed Zoe as Nick looked slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry, I'm just tired" replied Nick rubbing his face. A small cry from the other room brought them both away from their thoughts.

"Do you want me to go?" questioned Nick, attempting to get up before feeling Zoe's hands resting on his shoulders and pushing him back down onto the sofa again.

"It's ok, I'll go. I haven't seen her tonight" said Zoe, climbing over Nick's feet to get to Alexa's room "But you could make me a sandwich. I've hardly eaten all day" smirked Zoe as Nick shook his head and did a jokey salute. He smiled as he watched Zoe go into the other room. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have someone like Zoe.

_**THE NEXT MORNING**_

Nick's eyes flickered open as he adjusted to the light that flooded the room. He moved his arm next to him, expecting to feel Zoe laying next to him but all he felt was an empty bed. Nick pushed himself up in the bed and rubbed his head. He could hear the faint sound of the radio playing in the outside of the bedroom so he threw the covers off him, climbed out of bed and headed out of the bedroom. Nick padded softly along the hall way and then into the lounge and kitchen where the sound of the radio was getting significantly louder and a strong smell had bacon had appeared. When he rounded the corner, he smiled when he saw Zoe leaning against the breakfast bar counter feeding Alexa her breakfast, who was sitting in her high chair and trying to get their breakfast at the same time. Zoe turned around when she heard movement behind her.

"I was going to bring you breakfast in bed" sighed Zoe, laughing slightly as she walked over to Nick and wrapped her arms around him, placing a light kiss on his cheek.

"Oh I'm sorry Zoe. It was a nice thought though" replied Nick smiling, responding to Zoe's kiss although he planted one upon her lips.

"It still can be. Why don't you go back to bed and I'll bring it to you. It's only half past 8" said Zoe, wandering back over to where Alexa was happily eating some pieces of banana that Zoe had put in a bowl for her.

"No, it's ok, I'll eat out here with you two although I don't think I could stomach that bacon though" Nick admitted, lifting his hand up towards his mouth, suddenly feeling a wave of sickness pass over him. He knew he wasn't going to be sick though. He was just worried about today and both he and Zoe knew that.

"I know your apprehensive about today but you've got to keep your strength up" advised Zoe, raising her hand up to Nick's forehead, feeling how hot he was. Nick pushed her hand away and frowned at her.

"Zoe, I'm not a child" said Nick, beginning to feel a little exasperated although he did appreciate Zoe's concern. Zoe rubbed Nick arm in acknowledgement to what he said and turned back towards Alexa. Her phone began to vibrate on the counter and she reached over and picked it up, turning it on to see that Adam had sent her a text. She opened up the message and read it carefully.

**Message received from Adam T at 8.35am**

**'Hi Zoe, just wondering if you and Nick were coming in today. Let me know as soon as. Adam x'**

"It's Adam. Wants to know if we were going to making an appearance today" said Zoe, looking at Nick who shrugged. She sighed and pressed the reply button, quickly giving a response to Adam's question.

**Message to Adam T at 8.37am**

**'Not sure whether we r coming in. Nick's got an appt at St J's. I'm going to go with him. I'll let you know more later. Zoe x'**

"What did you say back?" queried Nick, pulling out one the dining chairs and seating himself down on it.

"I just said you had an appointment at St James and that I was coming with you" said Zoe, stroking Alexa's head as she continued to eat. Nick nodded and looked at Alexa, wondering whether they should take her to the hospital with them as Nick wasn't exactly keen on her always having to go to Zoe's mum.

"Should we take Alexa with us?" asked Nick as he watched Zoe think about his question intently.

"She could or we could drop her off with my..." Zoe tailed off when she saw Nick's face. He obviously wasn't very impressed with taking their daughter to her mums "No, scrap that idea. She can stay with me in the waiting room" added Zoe as an afterthought, deciding that Nick's idea was a lot better than his own.

"If it's easier, I'll go on my own" said Nick although this thought filled him with dread.

"Nick, remember what I said last night. We are in this together. I'm not letting you do this alone" smiled Zoe as Nick breathed a sigh of relief even though he knew she would say this "Now come on, you go and get dressed and I'll have breakfast ready for you when you come back" said Zoe, turning back towards the sizzling pan of bacon as Nick got up and went back into the bedroom.

An hour later and all three of them were ready to go to the hospital. They headed down to the car and Nick unlocked it while Zoe opened the door and strapped Alexa in. Nick flopped into the driver's seat while he waited for Zoe. Once Zoe had got into the car, Nick turned the ignition on and placed his hands on the wheel. Just as he was about to drive off, Zoe rested her hand upon his and squeezed it lightly.

"We're going to be fine" Zoe said comfortingly before taking her hand away. Nick smiled weakly and drove off to the hospital. Once there, they walked through the hospital corridors and along to neurology where they seated themselves down on the chairs in the waiting room. Nick stared around the waiting room, taking in everything he saw. There was a young couple opposite them in the room. Nick presumed they were only in their early thirties. The young woman had her head propped up on her companion's shoulder. Even though he was far away, he could see that the woman had been crying, her eyes all red and puffy. They shouldn't be here, Nick thought to himself. They were too young to be going through this sort of thing. Nick was brought away from his contemplation by and giggle coming from next to him. Nick turned his head and smiled as he saw Alexa laughing in delight as Zoe bounced her on her knee, tickling her sides gently. Zoe noticed Nick watching Alexa and she lifted her up out of her lap and sat her down upon Nick's lap.

"Why don't you sit with daddy for a while eh?" smiled Zoe, standing up and smoothing her top down "I'm just going to go and get something to drink, you want anything?" she added, staring down the corridor to the drinks machine that stood at the end. This question caused Nick to look up to her and shake his head. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep anything down, even if Zoe was just offering a simple glass of water.

"Ok, I won't be long" replied Zoe, flashing Nick a smile and wandering down the corridor, her purple heels clicking on the floor at every step she took. It didn't take Zoe long to get something to drink and before long, she was sat back down next to Nick and Alexa, clutching the hot coffee she had bought. They sat there for another ten minutes, both beginning to feel impatient although in truth, they had got there slightly early so they didn't really expect to be seen straight away. Alexa had fallen asleep in Nick's arms before a door opened and Dr Lively stepped out into the waiting room.

She didn't say anything for a few seconds and instead, just smiled sympathetically at Nick. Nick suddenly found himself rooted to the spot, his heart founding with anxiety. Francis again made the whole situation seem all the more real and this scared him even more. He felt Zoe's hand reach up and rub his back. He knew that she was reassuring him. Nick took a deep breath and turned to face Zoe, passing Alexa gently into Zoe's embrace and trying not to wake the little girl up. Nick bent down and planted a small kiss upon Alexa's head. Nick then stood up and Francis proceeded back against the door so that Nick could enter the room.

"This way Nick" said Francis simply. She didn't bother with formalities. She and Nick had been good friends and on first name terms for a very long time. Nick nodded and walked slowly into the room, getting more nervous with every step that he took.

"Nick" Zoe called from behind him. Nick span round to see Zoe looking at him "I love you" she said quietly. It was almost inaudible but it was loud enough for Nick to hear. He smiled at her mouthed 'I love you' back. With that, Nick circled round to face the room again and walked inside. Francis followed quickly behind him and shut the door, leaving Zoe and Alexa in the waiting room.

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**I hope it wasn't too long for you all! Anyway, I'd love to know what you all thought of that so please review what you thought whether its good or bad. Also, I'd love to hear some ideas of what you would like to happen in this story as I am after all writing this for your entertainment! I hope you enjoyed that! My next update will be coming soon! **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Firstly, thank you to CarlyKinz, Gillian Kearny Fan, HermioneLumos, BUTTONS10, PinkDaisy4 and to the guest who reviewed! I so grateful to all of you who took the time to read and review this story. It means the world to me! I would also like to say I am not part of the medical profession so I apologize if anything is inaccurate!**

**This will probably be my last update for at least 3 weeks as I'm going on holiday so I'm going to make this extra long! I will review all of your wonderful stories when I return!**

**Right, brace yourselves for this chapter, It is very long and I hope it isn't too boring!**

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Nick found himself unable to speak as him and Francis sat down either side of her desk. Francis' silence after they had entered the room had slightly disconcerted Nick, unsure of what she was about to say to him. Of course he knew that process that was going to happen today. Francis would go through all the relevant information relating to his illness and then they would go on through into another room where Nick would have the scan. Francis gathered a few pieces of paper together that were scattered over her desk as Nick watched on, keen to get going with the appointment. Once Francis had composed everything, she sat back in her chair, narrowing her eyes as she looked at Nick who was staring back. She in truth was unsure of what to say to the man sitting opposite. He was possibly one of the brightest people she knew and certainly the most arrogant but in these consultations with Nick, she saw the side that she knew that Dr Hanna was only ever able to see. The vulnerable side. It was difficult to know what she should say and how she should say it.

"What to say" she began tensely, her voice filling the silence that had lingered around them only a few seconds ago "Why Nick?"

"Why what?" replied Nick, surprised at this odd question that Francis had set upon him. He watched as her eyes widened and it was then it came to him of what Francis was asking but even then, he didn't respond.

"You know exactly what I mean Nick. You have missed two appointments in the last few months" sighed Francis, shaking her head in frustration. Nick still sat there quietly, his eyes downcast. He felt like a small child being called into the headmasters office. "What's going on Nick? I thought you wanted to become well again?" Francis continued as she tried to find some answers for her questions.

"I do want to be well" Nick protested, finally able to find his voice. He watched as Francis raised an eyebrow at him, seemingly like she doubted what he just said "Do you not believe me?" Nick added as Francis sighed in response.

"Of course I do Nick. I'm not saying that I don't" replied Francis, beginning to get irritated by the way Nick was holding back. For a moment, a silence descended on them again until Nick spoke, inhaling a deep breath as he did so.

"I suppose I was scared. Sacred of what the outcome would be" Nick admitted. Apart from Zoe, Francis was the only other person he had opened up to like this. It felt like a weight had lifted from his shoulders. He was about to speak a little more when he felt a vibration in his pocket. He reached into his jacket and pulled out his phone, smiling apologetically at Francis as he looked at the lit up screen.

It was Zoe.

Nick narrowed his eyes when he read her name, slightly unsure of why she was texting him when she was only outside. He opened up the text from Zoe and scanned the screen, taking in what she said.

**Message received from Zoe at 10.37am**

**'I'm taking Alexa for some fresh air outside. We shouldn't be too long. Remember, I love you. Zoe x'**

Nick smiled as he read towards the end of her text. He always felt a warm feeling inside of him when Zoe said those three little words. He suddenly looked up when he remembered he wasn't alone in the room and saw Francis, sat back in the chair, drumming her fingers upon the desk impatiently. Nick quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket and nodded for Francis to carry on. He didn't bother texting Zoe back because he just wanted to get this over and done with.

"Right, let's just on to why your here shall we?" continued Francis when she had Nick's full attention. She didn't see the point in badgering Nick anymore about why he hadn't been attending his appointments. He had given her an answer and she didn't any reason why he should have to explain himself any longer. "The primary reason we've asked you to come in today is for an MRI scan to see if and how the tumours progressed, of which I'm sure your already aware off" Francis paused slightly to wait for Nick response which came in the way of a nod. Francis wasn't going to explain too much to Nick about what was going to happen for the obvious reason that he was a doctor and he'd evidently talked of the procedure many times to many patients that had come into the ED.

"How long do you think it'll be?" asked Nick as Francis contemplated the question given to her.

"30 minutes at most I think" replied Francis.

"Ok, and how about the results. How long will I have to wait?"

"Typically, results for the MRI would sometimes take a few weeks as you well know but I will try and get the results to you by tomorrow or maybe even at the end of the day at a push" smiled Francis, anxious to help Nick as much as she could "It might be a struggle though" Francis added though, also trying to make sure that Nick knew that it wasn't certain he'd be able to find out his results quicker than some others could.

"That's fine. I'm just grateful for all your doing" said Nick, trying to put on a smile as he reached out and rested his hand upon Francis' and squeezed it gently. A small smile tugged at Francis' lips as she squeezed Nick's hand back. She and Nick had always been very close and she wanted nothing more than for Nick to get well again. For a few seconds they both sat there, holding each other's hands until Francis pulled hers away and exhaled deeply.

"Shall we get this over with then" said Francis, pushing the chair from under her and walking to the door. Nick nodded and got up, walking after Francis who had opened the door and was standing in the waiting room which was now completely empty. Zoe had obviously stuck to her word and taken Alexa outside for a walk as the seat where she sat was deserted. Francis gestured to Nick to pull the door shut behind him and she wandered off down the corridor.

After a couple of minutes, they both reached a room which Nick presumed was the MRI scanning room. There was a young woman in the room, obviously a nurse, who was preparing everything for the scan. She smiled at Nick who nodded politely back as Francis went behind a screen and peered at a monitor. Even though Nick knew exactly what was going to happen, he found himself rooted to the spot, scared to go any further forward.

"Nick, do you want to go and lay down on the scanning bed" asked Francis as she noticed Nick just standing there "Nurse Barry will get you settled". The nurse came round the scanner and placed a hand on Nick's arm, gently leading him over to the bed. Nick sat down and swung his legs on to the bed.

"Can I have any electric or metal items that you have on you" said the nurse as Nick put his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone and keys, placing them into the nurse's hand. Nick then lay down and rested his head upon a small pillow. Just as he closed his eyes, Francis' voice made him open them again.

"What music do you want to listen to?" said Francis as Nick took a pair of headphones that Nurse Barry was holding out to him.

"Oh, anything classical" replied Nick rather vaguely as Francis rolled her eyes. Ever since she had known him, Nick had always listened to classical music. Nothing had changed.

"Ok. There is call button for you to press if..." Francis said until Nick interrupted.

"Yes, yes I know. If I need anything I'll press it and I'll be able to talk to you" said Nick, a hint of frustration in his voice. Francis noticed this irritation but she let it go over her head, knowing how nervous Nick was about this scan. She beckoned for the nurse to come and stand behind the screen with the screen, which she did but not before patting Nick's shoulder comfortingly. Nick appreciated this and started to relax very slightly.

"Ok, let's get going" said Francis, once the nurse was safely behind the screen "It's going to get noisy even with the headphones" added Francis as an afterthought even though Nick knew this already.

"Good!" replied Nick sarcastically as the bed began to move into the scanner.

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Zoe meanwhile, was outside in the hospital grounds, pushing Alexa around in her pushchair that Zoe had retrieved from the car. She leant over the top of the buggy and looked down towards her daughter who was sleeping soundly with a blanket around as it was quite a cold day. Zoe was glad that her daughter wasn't able to experience any of her parents worries and troubles. When Zoe looked up, she spotted a bench and decided it would be a good time to sit down. As she made her way over to the bench and sat down, another woman was walking in her direction, presumably heading to the same seat.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" the young woman asked as Zoe shook her head. If she was honest, she was glad of the company. With Alexa asleep, she wouldn't have had much to keep herself entertained. The woman nodded gratefully and seated herself next to Zoe. She shivered a little in the chilly air and pulled the jacket she was wearing further around her. "It's nice to get out their sometimes" said the woman, attempting to make conversation.

"Tell me about it" Zoe replied, rubbing her hands together in an effort to keep warm.

"I'm Lindsey" smiled the woman, turning to face Zoe.

"Oh, I'm Zoe" said Zoe, relived that the woman next to her was happy to talk because the last thing she wanted was an awkward silence between the two of them. "This is Alexa" added Zoe, pointing to the down towards her daughter.

"Aww, she's a cutie isn't she" cooed Lindsey, smiling at Alexa curled up in her buggy.

"What brings you here?" asked Zoe, suddenly finding herself curious at why Lindsey was at the hospital. Lindsey's head shot up at this question and Zoe was unsure of whether she should of asked as she didn't want to pry into Lindsey's personal affairs. "Sorry, I was just being nosy" said Zoe but Lindsey shook her in protest.

"No you weren't, its fine" reassured Lindsey, running her hands through her hair "My husband was in a car accident a couple of days ago" Zoe's mouth dropped ever so slightly when she heard this, suddenly feeling very guilty. Her eyes dropped to the floor as she felt a small hand on her arm. "You weren't to know" said Lindsey.

"Is he ok?" questioned Zoe, seeing that Lindsey obviously wanted to talk to someone about what happened. As she mulled over the question she asked, Zoe realised that it sounded very stupid indeed. If he's in hospital, he's evidently not fine.

"It's not too serious. A few cracked ribs and a fracture to the wrist along with some minor cuts and bruises to the face" replied Lindsey, listing out her husband's injuries to the woman in front of her. "He's also got some concussion as well so that's the main reason the doctors are keeping him in"

"He should be home in a couple of days then. Bed rest is the best way to heal any broken ribs and also concussion. If he continues to have any swelling when you get home, place a towel on an ice pack and hold it against the affected area for about 15 to 20 minutes every hour for the next two days" advised Zoe, suddenly turning into doctor mode. Lindsey just sat there smiling at Zoe, wondering where she was getting all this knowledge from.

"You seem to know an awful lot Zoe" laughed Lindsey as Zoe's cheeks began to blush a shade of raspberry red. She hadn't meant to say all that to Lindsey.

"I'm a consultant at Holby City ED" Zoe explained, still feeling a little embarrassed but she saw from Lindsey's expression that she had no reason to be. "Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes"

"No need to apologize. I think it's great" replied Lindsey, still smiling at Zoe who had begun to relax in her company. She was just like her, a woman worried for her partner.

"Why are you here?" asked Lindsey, directing the question that Zoe had queried back at her.

"My fiancée's got an MRI scan in neurology" said Zoe tentatively, not sure whether she should disclose the added information of Nick's brain tumour. Zoe eventually decided she would and as she explained briefly about Nick, she watched Lindsey's face drop She may not be a doctor like Zoe but she still understood the severity of brain tumour. For a second time in a matter of minutes, another silence descended over them as Lindsey struggled to think of a reply.

"You don't have to say anything" said Zoe finally as it became apparent that Lindsey wasn't going to say anything.

"It must be difficult for both of you, especially with a little girl" Lindsey stuttered, looking down towards Alexa. Zoe nodded slowly, thinking back to the rough patches that they had had over the past couple of years.

"Alexa is what gets us through the hard times. She's always been our focus" answered Zoe, tears beginning to fill in her eyes. Lindsey noticed Zoe's eyes beginning to go red and she placed a comforting hand on her arm. She smiled sympathetically at Zoe who struggled to muster a smile in return.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, Zoe noticed a lonely figure walking out of the exit to neurology. She turned back to Lindsey who nodded for her to go, realising that it was Nick walking towards them. Zoe stood up and smoothed down her skirt before mouthing a 'good luck' at Lindsey. Zoe grabbed hold of the handles of the buggy and began to walk towards Nick.

When she reached Nick, he held his arms out towards her and Zoe fell into them, holding Nick tight, never wanting to let him go. When they finally parted, Zoe took Nick's hand and squeezed it gently before talking.

"How did it go?" said Zoe simply.

"It wasn't that great but it's over. Now all we need is the results" responded Nick, inhaling a breath of fresh air. "Francis said she could hurry them along and I could maybe get them tomorrow or later today"

"Wow" replied Zoe. She hadn't expected that Nick could receive them that quick and that made her even more nervous.

"That's what I thought" Nick said, smiling weakly down towards Alexa "Anyway, let's get going shall we?"

"Yes. Home?" asked Zoe but Nick shook his head.

"If it's ok, I'd like to go to work for a few hours. It will take my mind of things" answered Nick.

"If that's what you want darling" agreed Zoe "I'll come with you and I'll stay in the staffroom with Alexa. I'd rather keep her with me than asking someone else to look after her"

"Come on then" said Nick, placing an arm around Zoe's waist as all three of them made their way to the car.

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"Hello you three" said Noel as Nick, Zoe and Alexa walked into the ED and came over to reception. Noel placed the papers he was looking down on the desk and smiled at them. Nick didn't say anything and just nodded, leaning on the desk. "Why are you here?" added Noel, knowing that it was their day off.

"Yeah, I was going to ask that as well" said a voice behind them. Nick and Zoe turned around to see Adam standing there looking slightly confused. Like Noel, he was unsure of why they had both come in, considering Nick had an neuro appointment at St James' but Adam didn't mind to much as to why they had come to work. It had been a busy shift with quite a few minor injuries along with an RTC.

"Oh, you know us, we just can't keep away" replied Zoe, giving a small laugh. She didn't really feel in the mood to have a joke. Until Francis had revealed that results of the scan, neither Nick or Zoe felt that they could relax. "We weren't doing anything so we just thought we'd come in for a couple hours" Zoe said, answering Adam's question properly. Adam narrowed his eyes at the couple in front of him, who both looked uneasy.

""Can I have a word?" continued Adam, gesturing towards Nick's office. They both nodded in agreement. Nick went first and Zoe struggled with the buggy. Before she followed the two men, she turned back to Noel.

"Nick's got alot on his mind at the moment. That's why he wasn't very talkative" said Zoe as Noel smiled sympathetically. He didn't need to ask any more than that. He knew that both of them were having a difficult time at present.

"No need to apologize Zo" replied Noel as Zoe patted his arm and walked over towards the office with Alexa where Adam and Nick were waiting for her.

Once Adam had shut the door, he perched himself on the edge of the desk and looked at Zoe and Nick but mainly focusing his gaze on Nick. "How did the appointment go?" asked Adam.

"Not too bad" replied Nick, hardly putting any effort into his reply. He just couldn't be bothered to keep answering the same sort of questions.

"How about the results?" pressed Adam, keen to hear how Nick had got on. Adam cared a great deal about Nick. They had been through a lot together in the past few years. Sure, they hadn't seen eye to eye over everything but in the end, that brought them closer together and they formed an unlikely friendship. He also cared a great deal for Zoe as well. From the very beginning, they had contrived a tight companionship. Both Nick and Zoe had helped him a great deal after Harry's death and Adam wanted to repay their loyalty to him by helping them get through their difficult times.

"Francis thinks she can get them to me quite quickly. Maybe tomorrow or later today" answered Nick, not concerned about explaining who Francis was because Adam already knew.

"Wow" said Adam, repeating Zoe's reaction from earlier as Nick smiled slightly.

"That's exactly what Zoe said" replied Nick.

"Why are you here then? I thought you'd want to be at home" asked Adam, finally asking what he had wanted to ask in the first place.

"I didn't fancy being at home while I waited for the results. I'd just sit there and worry" admitted Nick as Adam nodded, understanding where Nick was coming from although he didn't want Nick to be distracted if he did treat patients as it could be dangerous.

"I'm going to stay as well although I'm just going to sit in the staffroom with Alexa" added Zoe. She didn't intend on doing any work but she didn't want to leave Nick on his own.

"Ok, that's fine" replied Adam, putting any doubts of both of them being here to the back of his mind.

A couple of hours later, both Nick and Zoe had decided to head off home. Under Adam's instruction, Nick had only been allowed in cubicles as Adam was worried that Nick was slightly distracted and could make a mistake if put in resus. Zoe had agreed to meet Nick by reception with Alexa. If she was honest, she had began to get a bit bored in the staffroom. Alexa's had become tired halfway through and had fallen asleep so Zoe had been at a loss of what to do even though Tess had come and spent some time with her during her break.

"You ready then?" asked Nick, coming up behind Zoe and placing his arms around her waist. Zoe smiled and nuzzled closer into him.

"Yep, let's go" said Zoe, taking hold of the buggy and pushing it towards the exit with Nick walking next to her, his arm still wrapped around her. Just as they were about to go outside, they stopped when Francis came through the doors into the ED. Francis saw them and hurried over, a grin plastered all over her face. This told Nick everything he needed to know,

He was going to be ok.

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**It's good news then for Nick! I did think I would split this chapter in half but I wanted to put it up altogether. I'm sorry it's such a long chapter and I apologize that the end of the chapter is very rushed but I wanted to submit this chapter before I went away.**

**Please review, whether good or bad as I love to know what you think!**

**Natasha x**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello all! Thank you for all your reviews! Once again, my updates have been slow. The reason why is that I hate putting up a chapter until I feel it's the best I can get it and that normally takes a stupid amount of time! This is also a kind of filler chapter but also quite a crucial chapter as well. All spelling errors are my own! I do hope you enjoy! (: **

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Once Alexa was asleep in her room, Zoe and Nick had settled themselves down on the sofa. Nick placed his arm around Zoe as she rested head upon his chest and her hand upon his thigh. For the first time in ages, they felt like they could relax. Since Francis had relayed the good news of Nick's scan to them, a lead weight had been lifted from them, giving them an enormous sense of relief and freedom. They now didn't feel restricted to what they could do. It seemed as if they had the world at their feet once again. It was a new beginning for the three of them. Nick placed a light kiss on top of Zoe's head and within a matter of minutes, both of them had drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Right now, they didn't want to be anywhere else than here. This was where they were happiest.

Nick was the first to stir as the sunlight began to streak through the window in the lounge. He tried to shift around on the sofa until he realised a sleeping Zoe was still draped him and that he himself had his arms wrapped around her. He turned his head to look at the clock on the wall, wincing slightly at the crick in his neck, obviously created by the awkward position that he had slumbered in. 5am. It was still early, Nick thought to himself as he attempted to move to make himself more comfortable without waking Zoe. As he moved slowly around the sofa, he kept his ears open all the time for any sound from Alexa's room. For the last few weeks, Alexa had begun sleeping through the night on her own without Nick or Zoe going in to soothe her when she had woken up and started to cry. Nick smiled to himself as he thought about how proud he was off his daughter. She may do the smallest of things that every toddler did but Nick could never hide his sense of pride when Alexa accomplished them. Nick smiled again as he looked down at Zoe. He thought how beautiful she looked when she slept with her dark hair falling gently over her face. Like with Alexa, he felt this overwhelming sense of love for Zoe. She had helped him through the most difficult part of his life when many people hadn't bothered. She had stuck by him through thick and thin and that is something that Nick was eternally grateful for. She had also given him the most precious thing in the world. Their beautiful little girl.

As Nick was still deep in thought, he hadn't realised that Zoe had woken, just silently laying there with him, listening to his gentle breathing. Zoe had always found this a comfort to her. Zoe fidgeted on the sofa as like Nick, the position she was in now was nowhere near as comfortable as the position she had gone to sleep in. Nick noticed her moment and was unsure if she was still asleep.

"Zoe" whispered Nick as Zoe let out a small groan "Are you awake?"

"Sadly" replied Zoe, trying to keep her eyes firmly shut to block out the sunlight. A small laugh from Nick finally made her open her eyes. She tilted her head upwards so she could see Nick's face and noticed a smile tugging at his lips. "What?"

"I just can't believe we went to sleep like this" said Nick, rubbing his hand through his hair as he was certain that he looked a state after their unusual night's sleep.

"I could have gone to sleep anywhere last night" Zoe responded, remembering back to last night. She pushed herself up, leaning on Nick for support, so that she was sat up on the sofa and facing Nick.

"Zo, whats the matter?" asked Nick uneasily as he looked at Zoe. Her expression at that moment was unreadable so Nick was completely in the dark about what she was about to say.

"No, no, nothings the matter" Zoe said quickly, seeing that Nick obviously thought she was worried about something. She watched the apprehension in Nick's face subside as he listened to what she said. "It's just I can't actually remember being this happy"

"Oh sweetheart" smiled Nick, who raised his hand to Zoe's face and traced a line along her cheek using the pad of his thumb. "Nor can I but we are going to enjoy and treasure this feeling"

Zoe took a deep intake of breath and then exhaled slowly as she nodded in agreement to what Nick had suggested. Why shouldn't they get to relish in their euphoria? In Zoe's opinion, they were the ones that deserved to be happy the most. It may sound selfish to some but after all they'd been through, surely they were entitled to.

"18 months" said Nick quietly, repeating what Francis had told them yesterday. 18 months till he needed another check up and even then, Francis was happy that the tumour wouldn't have increased. Francis had seemed so confident and happy when she had relayed the news and Nick knew he believed everything she said 100 percent. He never doubted her prognosis for a second.

"It's a chance to have a new life Nick" said Zoe, a beaming smile plastered over her face. Her mind seemed to racing with all the things that they could do. She hoped they could finally have a holiday with Alexa without the fear of Nick getting ill and having to return home. A sudden thought then hit Zoe's mind. Zoe had always refused to talk about this whenever Nick had brought it up. For ages, she could never cope with this thought but now, now things were different. Zoe inhaled another deep breath and took Nick's hand, squeezing it gently. She could see the confusion on Nick's face as she looked him in the eyes. She never imagined she was ever going to say these words to Nick as she had been completely against it. Zoe opened her mouth and uttered the phrase to Nick and even though it was barely audible, Nick knew exactly what she said.

"Let's try for a baby Nick"

Nick sat there, absolutely speechless, unable to get his head around what she had just said. Did he actually hear her right? Was this the same woman who a few days earlier, had stormed off to her mother's when he had mentioned more children. Nick could see that Zoe was waiting for an answer as she looked at him, her eyes beginning to tingle as tears threatened to fall.

"Say something Nick" Zoe murmured, her voice shakily slightly.

"I don't really know what to say if I'm honest Zo" replied Nick, unsure of how he felt at that moment.

"You do want another baby don't you?" asked Zoe hesitantly. Up until now, she was certain this was what Nick had wanted but Nick's face right now started to place doubts in her mind.

"Zoe, you know I do" Nick reassured Zoe. He sat further up on the sofa and pulled Zoe in closer to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"But?" continued Zoe. She could still hear to the scepticism wavering in his voice.

"I'm just wondering why the sudden change of heart. You were dead set against it not so long ago. What's changed?" asked Nick, unable to stop all these questions pouring out of his mouth.

"Isn't it a woman's prerogative to change their mind?" answered Zoe, trying in vain to not have to give him an answer but she knew this wasn't going away. She knew that she had to tell Nick the truth about why she hadn't wanted another baby in the past but she didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want to have to tell him that his illness was the reason that the possibility of becoming a mother once scared her so much. Zoe knew that Nick would feel so guilty if he knew this.

"I'm serious Zoe. I want to know" said Nick, his voice raised. His persistence was beginning to weaken Zoe.

As Nick's words rang around in her head, a sudden wave of honesty washed over her and before Zoe could stop herself, she felt the truth flooding out. "Fine, you want to know the truth well here it is" Zoe began, emotion in every word she spoke. "I was scared" Zoe attempted to meet Nick's gaze but as soon as she saw his face, she looked away again, knowing the pain that her confession might cause. "I was scared that I'd be left alone... alone with two small children if you..." Zoe tailed off, unable to find the word but Nick was all too aware of what she meant.

"died"

Nick finished her Zoe's sentence for her. It was the most simple word to say yet at the same time, the hardest. Nick had always tried to avoid the word but in this situation, there was no point. It had to be said.

"I never said anything because I didn't want to hurt you" Zoe stuttered. Her face now stained with tears but Nick's face remained composed. There were no sign of tears. No sign of anger. He looked oddly relaxed. In truth, Nick was neither upset or angry. Even though he was exasperated to begin with, he was now glad Zoe had finally admitted why she was so scared of having more children. At least now they could work through the issue together. There had been enough hurt throughout the past few months and the last thing Nick was going to do was cause any more.

"It wouldn't and hasn't hurt me Zo" answered Nick, giving the woman sat next to him a small smile. "I'd rather know the truth than be kept in the dark"

"I can't tell you how petrified I was of telling you. I couldn't bear upsetting you"

"And you haven't! Zoe, please believe me. I'm not upset" said Nick. Her lifted his hands up and cupped them around Zoe's face before planting a gentle kiss on Zoe's face. It was at this time when Zoe knew she had no more reason to worry. Nick understood. They could move on. Move on with their lives and try for another baby.

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**So, what did you think? Worth a review? I hope so! I can't promise a quick update but I will try my hardest!**

**X Natasha X**


	16. Chapter 16

It had been a week since Zoe and Nick had got the all clear and had talked about having another baby and ever since then, they had both seemed so happy, whether it was at work or at home with Alexa. Their sudden happiness had certainly not gone unnoticed by everyone at the ED with many people speculating about why but Nick and Zoe were most definitely not going to let on. It was their personal lives and they didn't believe it was anyone else's business, except for the people closest to them. They were happy and that was all there was to it.

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Hoping she wouldn't be noticed by Adam, Zoe hurried into the ED, keeping her head down all the way until she reached the staffroom. She shut the door quickly behind her and hastily threw her bag in her locker. She honestly didn't know why she bothered using the lockers when she could easily put her things in Nick's office which was shared by Adam. Zoe headed over to the little kitchen area where a few different jars and pots, containing coffee and biscuits, lined the edge of the worktop. Zoe reached out and grabbed one jar, checking the label on it before she opened it.

_'Zoe's coffee. Keep away' _it said in her messy handwriting. Zoe narrowed her eyes when she held the jar in her hands. It felt oddly light for something that was meant to be full of coffee beans. Zoe undid the lid and peered inside. The narrowing of the eyes soon turned into a frown when all Zoe could see was an empty container. Typical. You can't have anything to yourself in this place thought Zoe as she placed the jar back. As Zoe wandered over towards the door, she caught a glimpse of the time. Damn. She was late today. She hadn't intended to be but after she had lost track of time with Nick and Alexa. After their talk that morning, she and Nick had wanted to spend a lazy morning at home, having some quality time with Alexa before Zoe had to head off for work.

The ED was bustling as Zoe made her way to reception, doing her best to dodge different members of staff and patients. As reception came in view, Zoe could see Noel stood at the desk, surrounded by a small group of people. As she got closer, she began to hear the raised voices of the people who were plaguing Noel with the usual questions:

_'When am I going to get seen by a doctor?'_

_'My mother was brought in earlier. Where is she?'_

"Look, if you could all just take a seat and we will try and get back to you as quickly as we can" pleaded an exasperated Noel typing a few names into the computer. A couple of people took the hint and walked back over to their seats as Noel had asked but two men had remained standing by reception, determined to get their own way. Noel could sense people still standing over him and looked up, now starting to get really annoyed. Before he could say anything, Zoe had gone round behind reception desk and stood next to Noel, trying to give him some support.

"You heard what this man said. Would you please kindly go and take a seat" asked Zoe politely but firmly. The two men just stood there looking at Zoe, their eyebrows raised and seemingly unimpressed that someone else was bossing them around "I'm serious. Can't you see we are very busy. If it's anything minor then I suggest that you go and visit your GP" Zoe added. The remaining people looked at each other and sighed, realising that they had been beaten. They wandered back over to the waiting area as Noel flashed Zoe a grateful smile.

"Thanks for that Zoe" said Noel, glad that the people had stopped bothering him "I owe you one!" Zoe smirked at this last comment as Noel started to staple some papers together. She knew how Noel could pay her back.

"Well you could buy me a coffee?" suggested Zoe as Noel raised his eyebrows at her "Oh come on Noel, someone's taken all of my stash in the staffroom" added Zoe, her voice taking on a pleading tone. Noel tried not to laugh as he shook his head and fished in his pocket for some spare change he had from earlier on. He took out the coins and placed them in Zoe's hand.

"I want the change!" said Noel as Zoe nodded her head although she knew he was only joking. Zoe was about the leave Noel and head off in search of her morning coffee when Adam came rushing round the corner, nearly colliding with her.

"Whoa, you seem in a hurry" laughed Zoe looking at the pressured expression upon Adam's face. Adam ran his hands through his hair, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself after his rush through the hospital. "Is everything ok?" added Zoe as an afterthought.

"Yeah, I'm just late for a meeting with Henry but I've got a patient that I need to see and I can't find anyone to cover" answered Adam, not fully engaged in the conversation as he glanced round the ED hoping he would spot anyone that could relieve him so he would be able to go and see Henry. Zoe rolled her eyes as Adam looked down at her, unable to understand why he didn't just ask her to help out. Sure the ED was busy but as she had just arrived at work, she was hardly rushed off her feet. "You wouldn't be free would you?" asked Adam finally. Zoe felt a small smile tug at her lips as she nodded her head.

"I've only just got here so I'm free to help" Zoe answered. She rested her hand on Adam's arm as he dropped his shoulders in relief.

"You Zoe, are a lifesaver!" Adam said happily, pulling Zoe into a affectionate hug. Zoe gave a muffled laugh as she tried to get herself free from her best friends embrace.

"You obviously didn't realise I was late then" smirked Zoe. Adam raised his eyebrow at this comment but he wasn't angry. He knew that Zoe was probably caught up with Nick and Alexa and he didn't mind in the slightest.

"I didn't until you said that!" laughed Adam as lifted his phone out of his pocket and grimaced as he checked the time. _Late. _He should have been with Henry five minutes ago but he hoped he would understand. Henry knew how busy the ED got, especially as it was a Friday. "Right, it's not a life threatening case" began Adam as he suddenly realised that he hadn't actually told Zoe anything about the patient he was meant to be seeing. "Annie Firth, 29 years old. Got in a fight and was knocked out for a few minutes. She's been complaining of a mild headache and nausea but she hasn't actually been sick. There is also a small laceration to the left side of her face which will need to be stitched and she had mentioned that her vision has been slightly blurry ever since she fell" As soon as Adam finished he gave Zoe a quick smile and hurried off in the direction of the lift, without giving Zoe a chance to ask anything. He hadn't even told her where this woman was, thought Zoe as she watched Adam go out of view as the doors of the lift closed. Zoe sighed and wandered back over to Noel, needing to find out more information about her next case.

"Noel, I need to know where Annie Firth is. She was brought in earlier" asked Zoe as Noel peered at the computer screen, tapping the name into the system. Noel narrowed his eyes for a few minutes as he scanned the screen and then nodded when the woman's name appeared on the screen.

"Here she is. Annie Firth, brought in 30 minutes ago with her friend. Paramedics put her in cubicle two" said Noel, answering Zoe's request as he read the information the computer was providing him with.

"Thanks Noel" smiled Zoe as she left reception. Zoe made her way over to the cubicles where she saw a young woman laying on the bed, staring into space. From the distance, she looked fed up and Zoe could see a visible wound on her face as she approached her. When Annie saw Zoe approaching, she shuffled in the bed and sat up, giving Zoe a small shy smile as she entered the cubicle.

"Hi Annie, I'm Dr Hanna. I apologize for Dr Trueman not coming to see you but he was called away urgently so I'm stepping in" said Zoe, pulling on a pair of latex gloves as Annie nodded in response to what Zoe had just said. "Do you mind telling me exactly what happened?" continued Zoe cautiously as she didn't want to pressure Annie into speaking if she didn't want to. Annie shrugged and sighed, running her hand through her dishevelled brown hair.

"I just got into a fight with another girl. She was winding me up about something so I slapped her. That's when she shoved me and I hit my head on a bar stool" said Annie, recalling what happened a while earlier.

"So you were in a bar?" asked Zoe casually as she placed a hand on Annie's cheek, inspecting the wound the was embedded on her face.

"Yeah, just having a few drinks " replied Annie, wincing slightly as Zoe touched the cut on her face.

"Sorry" Zoe apologized when she saw Annie pull a face, obviously at the pain she was experiencing "Right, the wound doesn't look to serious. It just needs to cleaning out with antiseptic to make sure no infection can occur and then a few stitches. I'll get a nurse to come and do that for you" smiled Zoe, grabbing Annie's notes at the bottom of the bed and scribbling a few things down.

"What about my headaches and the blurred vision? It's only started happening since I fell" said Annie, wanting to remind Zoe about her other problems in case she forgot even though she knew that she probably wouldn't.

"Don't worry about that too much Annie. We will run a few tests and get a CT scan to assess any damage that the fall may have done" answered Zoe. Annie nodded slowly as a tear trickled down her cheek. Zoe noticed this and sighed sympathetically, sitting herself down on the bed next to Annie. She knew how Annie felt. It was daunting being in hospital like this, especially if you were unsure of what the full diagnosis was. As Annie wiped away the tears furiously as the left watery traces down her face, Zoe placed a hand upon Annie's knee in an effort to comfort her.

"Please don't worry Annie. I'm sure everything will be fine but we need to be on the safe side"

"I know it's for my own good" said Annie quietly, looking down towards her hands. Her eyes suddenly widened and she quickly lifted her head and looked at Zoe "You don't know where my friend is do you. She came in with me." Annie asked quickly, peering over Zoe's shoulder to glance round the busy ED. Zoe followed her gaze as she turned her head even though she had no clue as to who she was actually looking for.

"What's her name and I'll try and find her for you" suggested Zoe, wanting to try and help Annie as much as she could.

"Stephanie" came the reply from Annie.

"That's my sister's name" Zoe said absentmindedly as she wrote a last few words on the Annie's notes, ready for any nurse or doctor that may come along later. "I'm just going to go and sort a few things out and I'll try and find your friend while I'm at it" Annie nodded politely at Zoe's comment as she watched the Doctor leave the cubicle and go over to speak to another colleague, her heels clicking along the floor as she went. Annie narrowed her eyes as she continued to watch Zoe. It was odd. Zoe reminded her so much of her friend Stephanie. She had noticed this ever since Zoe had begun to treat her. Then it suddenly hit her. _Was Stephanie, Zoe's sister?_

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**Well after a long time, I have finally updated! The next chapter is nearly half written so that should be up hopefully sometime next week (although I'm not making any promises!) As always, spelling errors are my own fault! Please give a review if you're reading! I'd love to know what you all think and any ideas you may have for this story! :)**

**X Natasha X**


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Just a little note to say that the bits in bold (in this particular chapter) are a phone call. Grammar mistakes are all my own! Enjoy! :D**_

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20 minutes later and Zoe had managed to sort out everything she needed to, including Annie's all important CT scan which Zoe believed would hold the answer to her patients symptoms. Now, Zoe was faced with the task of actually finding Annie's friend. Zoe didn't understand why she hadn't actually asked how tall she was or what colour hair she had because that's surely what you'd want to know if you were searching for someone you'd never met. Anyway, she hadn't actually had her normal coffee today thought Zoe so that was answer to why her brain seemed to have turned to mush. Realising this, Zoe decided to go and get her morning wakeup call and wandered towards the coffee machine that was situated just down the corridor from the reception of the ED. As she approached the brightly lit machine, she could see another woman stood by it, trying to fit her money into the slot. Zoe stopped quickly as she studied the woman. The woman had dark shiny hair that had been tied back into a neat bun. She wore black skinny jeans and a smart red top with a pair of killer heels to match and also to add to her medium height. Zoe's heart began to pound beneath her chest. There was no doubt about who this woman was.

"Steph" shrieked Zoe. It came out a lot louder than Zoe had thought as a few people turned their heads to see what the commotion was about. Steph also turned around when she heard her name, smiling in delight as she saw her sister standing a few metres away from her. Steph ran up to Zoe and flung her arms around her, squeezing her tightly.

"Oh it's so good to see you Zoe" squealed Steph, moving away from Zoe as their hug ended.

"It's amazing to see you as well!" grinned Zoe, so happy that her sister was here in Holby "What are you doing here?" added Zoe, still not twigging that Steph was Annie's friend as well as her sister.

"Well, I'm in this hospital because my friend was brought in and I'm in Holby because I came down to see my big sis" smiled Steph, looking down at Zoe. Even though she was seven years younger than Zoe, Steph was still taller and all through their childhood and adult life, Steph had always teased Zoe about this, much to Zoe's annoyance. Zoe nodded as she took in what Steph said but then a thoughtful look came upon her face.

"Wait, your friend isn't called Annie is she?" queried Zoe.

"Yep, that's her. We were in a bar together with a couple of others and then Annie said something to irritate one of the others and she just went for Annie, pushing her to the floor and knocked Annie out cold as she hit her head on a bar stall" recounted Steph to Zoe who had already heard this story once before.

"Well that certainly sounds like my patient" stated Zoe, checking the time on her wrist watch. To be honest, she didn't really know why she wore one because she always checked the time on her phone or on one of the computers in reception.

"You got to be somewhere?" asked Steph frowned as Zoe raised her eyebrows.

"I'm meant to working Steph" replied Zoe sighing, knowing that her break wasn't nearing any time soon and even if it was, she'd probably have to work through as Adam was in a meeting with Henry. Zoe's annoyance suddenly turned to guilt when she saw Steph's face fall at her revelation. "I'm really sorry. You know I'd love to stay and have a catch up with you" said Zoe quickly, reassuring her sister who just shrugged in response.

"Don't worry, I'm going to go and stay with Annie and then maybe after your shift we can meet up. Maybe I can go back to yours?" suggested Steph but stopped when she saw Zoe pull a face. Zoe hoped Steph hadn't noticed but Steph frowned for a second time. "Nick wouldn't mind if I came back would he?"

"Of course he wouldn't. I'll text him and let ask him to set an extra place at the table" smiled Zoe although she was still unsure of what Nick would feel. She knew that he had planned for them to have a quiet night in and she wondered whether he would mind if Steph joined them for the evening."I'll come with you to see Annie as I've got some stuff to discuss with her" added Zoe placing her hand on Steph's arm and pulled her gently in the direction of cubicles. Steph followed obediently behind as her sister led them through the busy ED. When they reached Annie's cubicle she was sitting up in bed, her head bent as she studied her phone and her fingers typing away. She looked up when she heard the sound of two sets of heels approaching. Annie grinned when she saw the two women standing next to each other. Apart from their height, they were both so similar and Annie was in no doubt that they were sisters.

"I knew I was right" laughed Annie, placing her phone under her pillow so that she could engage in conversation without seeming rude. Zoe and Steph smirked at Annie, fully understanding what she was trying to say.

Steph wandered round the bed and bent down next to Annie, wrapping her arms around her to give her a friendly hug. "You're lucky you know, having my sister treat you!"" said Steph, squeezing her friend lightly. Steph didn't want to hug her too tightly for fear of hurting her even more after her fall.

"Don't flatter me Steph" replied Zoe, raising her eyebrows at her sister even though deep down, she was pleased by this compliment. It was nice to know that Steph had confidence in her profession.

"Oh come on Zoe, apart from your fiancée you are the best doctor in this hospital" answered Steph, taking a step away from the hospital bed where Annie was rather enjoying the conversation going on between the two sisters. Zoe smiled at this second compliment, glad that Nick's skill as a doctor had got some recognition as well as her own.

"You're fiancée eh?" smirked Annie, looking intently at Zoe for more information. Zoe sighed in response and shook her head in Steph direction as she flicked through Annie notes, re reading what she had read earlier to be certain of any diagnosis she was planning to make.

"Nick Jordan, he's Clinical Lead of the ED here at Holby" said Zoe as she studied the information in front of her.

"That's pretty good isn't it?" enquired Annie, recognising that the position that Zoe had just described was almost certainly at the higher end of the medical career ladder.

"Yep, he's worked hard to get to where he is now. I'm proud of him" Zoe replied, letting out a contended sigh.

Annie gave a small smile in Zoe's direction as a comfortable descended across the cubicle. Steph reached out her hand and squeezed Zoe's arm gingerly. She was proud of her big sister. She couldn't imagine how difficult it had been for her to cope with a young toddler and her fiancée's illness but she had. She had got through it and now she hoped that Zoe, Nick and Alexa's lives would become easier and happier.

"Shall we get back on to the matter on hand though?" Zoe conjured, unclipping a piece of paper from the clipboard before putting the clipboard on the end of the bed.

"Oh yeah sorry" complied Annie, suddenly realising how off track they had gone. Annie was glad they had though for it had taken her mind off what the results of her CT scan might show.

"So it's good news Annie. The results of the scan show that no bleeding has occurred from the fall and it also shows that there isn't any aneurysms either" Zoe confirmed, pleased to be able to give the young woman some welcome news. "We aren't very worried about your headaches or the fact that you felt sick but we are still looking into why you had blurred vision" Annie face fell as Zoe continued to speak, explaining why they were still concerned. She had hoped that the CT scan would show if everything was alright. She didn't want to have to stay in the hospital any longer than she had to. As Zoe finished speaking, Annie's eyes were downcast, fixed upon her knees that she had pulled up under her chin. Zoe gave a helpless glance towards Steph who smiled weakly and walked over to Annie, placing her hand upon her back and rubbing it in small circles. Zoe decided it would probably be best to leave Annie for a while so she headed out of the cubicle to phone Nick. She didn't want Nick to displeased about Steph coming back with her so she thought it would probably be best to call and warn him about it.

As she approached reception, she spotted Noel again who looked a lot more relaxed than earlier, probably due to the fact that some of the impetuous patients who had been bothering him previously had been seen by someone and left the waiting area. Zoe's gaze then fell down onto the reception phone that was placed directly in front of Noel. She supposed she could ring Nick on that phone rather than go to the staffroom and get her mobile out of her handbag although she did know that personal phone calls where not meant to be done using the hospital phone in case an important call came in. '_Technically it was a medical call because Nick was a doctor' _Zoe thought to herself.

"Noel...?" said Zoe sweetly, sauntering over towards the desk. Noel sighed as he saw Zoe approach, certain she was going to ask for another favour.

"What can I do for you Zoe?" answered Noel, raising his eyebrows at the consultant as he waited for her response.

"I need to use the phone" said Zoe. Noel didn't respond in speech and instead just rolled his eyes at as he picked up the phone and handed it to a surprised Zoe. She had expected Noel to object and tell her that she should stop being lazy and use her own phone. "Erm... thanks" Zoe uttered, tapping the number into the communication device. She held it to her ear, the sound of ringing filling it for a few seconds until a familiar voice answered the phone.

_**N: "Hello, Nick Jordan speaking" **_

_**Z: "Nick, it's Zoe"**_

_**N: "Hey sweetheart, are you ok? Where are you calling from. It's not your number**__"_ he sounded concerned.

_**Z: "Don't worry I'm fine, I'm calling from the hospital phone, Listen, you will never guess who I've bumped into"**_

_**N: "No, go on, tell me"**_

_**Z: "Steph"**_The end of the line was silent _**"Nick?"**_

_**N: "Yes, I heard"**_ Nick paused _**"What does she want?"**_

_**Z: "Oh Nick, please don't be like that" **_Zoe sighed at Nick's response.

_**Z: "She doesn't want any money if that's what your inferring. She was at the hospital with a friend and we just happened to see each other"**_

_**N: "Why was she here in Holby though?"**_

_**Z: "She's come down to see me, well us and to meet up with a couple of friends"**_

_**N: "I see. I suppose she'll be wanting somewhere to stay as well?"**_

_**Z: "Nick, she hasn't mentioned anything like that. All we've arranged is that she was going to come round for something to eat tonight. I said I'd phone you to see what you thought"**_

_**N: "It doesn't really matter what I think considering you've already made plans"**_

_**Z: "Look, it'll only be for a couple of hours. She really wants to see Alexa as well" **_Zoe's voice grew more pleading.

_**N: "Ok, I'm sorry Zo. Of course I don't mind her coming round. It's been a while since she's seen Alexa"**_

_**Z: "Thank you darling. Speaking of Lex, how is she?"**_

_**N: "She's been as good as gold. Her teddy's have kept her entertained"**_

_**Z: "That's good. Well I'd better go, It's not actually my break. Your still ok with Steph coming round aren't you?"**_

_**N: "It's fine with me Zoe now go and save lives!"**_

_**Z: "I'm going, I'm going! Give Lex a big kiss from me"**_

_**N: "I will, see you later"**_

The phone line cut off abruptly leaving Zoe with no chance to say goodbye. She pulled the phone away from her ear and held it in her hand for a few seconds, contemplating over the conversation she had just had.

"You ok Zoe?" a quiet voice behind Zoe said. Zoe span round to see Tess standing there. She couldn't help but overhear her colleagues phone call.

"I'm terrific Tess" replied Zoe sarcastically before pushing past Tess and heading outside, anxious to clear her head. It was always one step forward and three steps back with her and Nick. It seemed that any small disagreement always equated to an massive argument. Zoe couldn't stand much more.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

The ride in the lift up to the flat was reserved between the two sisters. Steph could sense Zoe's worry about her coming back with her. Well, she supposed she was more worried about what Nick would say when he saw her.

Steph had moved up north, away from her mother and sister about six years ago with her boyfriend and their then 3 year old daughter Pearl. Now, four years on she had married her boyfriend Mark and they still lived in the north with 7 year old Pearl and 2 year old Joseph. After leaving home, she had still kept in close contact with her mum but her communication with Zoe had wavered so Steph had only really heard things about Zoe from her mum. It often involved Nick and Steph had to admit that she hadn't been happy with him at times.

It was a couple of weeks ago that Steph had received her last phone call from Deborah Hanna. She had only briefly explained that things weren't going well with Zoe and Nick and that maybe it would be a good idea for her to come down for a visit. Although she was reluctant at first because of Nick, she had eventually agreed and two weeks later, she had arrived in Holby.

Zoe stepped out of the lift, her hand clutched tightly around the keys to the flat. Steph stood patiently behind Zoe until she opened the door and stepped back, letting Steph enter the flat first. She nodded gratefully and walked into the hallway, her footsteps echoing on the surrounding walls from the wooden floor. The smell of cooking filled her nostrils as she wandered down the hallway towards the open plan kitchen diner with Zoe hot on her heels. As the two women turned the corner, the both saw Nick laying some plates upon the table. He looked up when he heard footsteps approach and gave a weak smile. At that moment, that was all that he could muster.

"Hi darling" Zoe said, breaking the silence that had fallen across the room. She strode forward over to Nick, standing on her tip toes to give him a kiss. Nick placed his hand around her waist and pulled her forward into a proper embrace. Zoe happily accepted this display of affection and rested her against Nick's chest. For a few moments, both of them forgot that they weren't alone in the room and Zoe was happy that Nick didn't seem annoyed or frustrated.

"Hi Nick" murmured Steph, feeling slightly hesitant as she gave Nick a small smile.

"Hello" Nick said shortly, moving away from Zoe and walking back to the cooker where a couple of pans were boiling away. Zoe turned her head to look at her sister who just shrugged back at her. Zoe gestured towards the cream sofa that was placed in front of them so Steph went and sat down while Zoe walked over towards Nick. She placed her hand in Nick's hand as he stood over the stove and squeezed it gently.

"Please try and be nice" Zoe said simply before leaving Nick to go into Alexa's room, anxious to see after her day away from her. Nick sighed as he continued to cook the dinner, sometimes glancing over to Steph who was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, staring out of the window. Zoe couldn't really blame him for not really liking her. When he and Zoe had their problems a few months ago, he had received a lot of aggravation from Deborah and Steph. They were under the impression that he had treated Zoe awfully even though Zoe had often protested this claim. In Nick's mind, Steph had been the worst out of the two. When she would phone Zoe to see how she was, she'd always insist on talking to him and then she'd accuse him of everything under the sun. Nick suspected though that Steph had always not liked him and used any little thing as ammunition to slate him. Nick never shared these theories with Zoe though. He had only told her about a couple of the phone calls but not all of them.

An hour later and dinner had been served and eaten by the three people in the flat. The atmosphere was still tense between Nick and Steph but they tried to get along for Zoe's sake.

"Well, I really enjoyed that even if I do say so myself" said Nick contently, leaning back on the chair and rested a hand upon his full stomach.

"It was lovely" agreed Zoe "How about you Steph?" Zoe smiled over at her sister who nodded.

"Yep, it was great thanks"

"Why don't you two go and sit down and I'll just wash these up" suggested Nick, piling the plates on top of each other.

"Can I go and see Alexa?" asked Steph tensely. Nick shot an unsure look at Zoe who dismissed it straight away.

"Of course you can. Why don't you bring her out here"

"Not if she's asleep. I don't her being woken up" stated Nick frowning as Steph got up from her seat. When she walked into Alexa's bedroom, Zoe gave Nick a warning glance.

"Nick please don't"

"What? I didn't do anything. I just didn't wanted our daughter to be woken up. Is that such a bad thing?" queried Nick, unsure of when this was last a crime.

"It was the way you said it. She's trying Nick and I want you to as well" Zoe pleaded. Nick gave her a small smile and bent down next to her, resting his hand on her cheek and stroking it with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm sorry Zo. I will try, I promise" vowed Nick, winking at her which made Zoe giggle. Even after all these years, that wink always made her heart melt.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

_**Well I did break my promise yet again! This chapter has been uploaded a week later than intended but I do have a good reason as I went to Poland last weekend and wasn't able to write anything on this chapter. **_

_**Anyway, same thing as always. Please give a little review if you reading as I love to know what you think!**_

_**X Natasha X**_


	18. Chapter 18

She could hear a voice in the distance. It sounded muffled. Whoever the person was seemed frustrated but about what, she wasn't sure. She was pretty certain she was about to find out though.  
>The voice grew gradually louder as she slowly came out of her peaceful slumber, her eyes opening a little so that it only let a small ray of light through. She suddenly became aware of two hands upon on her shoulders, shaking her lightly and it was then that her eyes finally opened to see a figure looming over her.<p>

"Steph, wake up." commanded Zoe, flinging the duvet off of her sister who still laid upon the sofa, her arms wrapped around her in an effort to keep warm. "Come on Steph, it's nearly ten." Steph let out a groan and closed her eyes again, turning away from Zoe.

"Half ten is hardly late." moaned Steph, determined to stay in bed longer than Zoe wanted.

"It's late in this house." replied Zoe, shaking her sister once again who just grumbled in response. "Nick's going to work in a minute and he's going to drop off me and Alexa at mum's". At this revelation, Steph turned back to face her sister and pulled a face.

"That means I'm going to be here all alone." said Steph, pouting a little. This reminded Zoe of when they were children and Steph used stick her bottom lip if she didn't get her own way. In the end, she normally did.

"Why don't you come with me then?" suggested Zoe. Steph paused as she listened to Zoe proposition, cocking her head slightly as she contemplated her decision "I know mum would like to see you. It would be nice for her to see us both at the same time" added Zoe, hoping to persuade Steph.

A smile tugged at the corner of Steph's lips as she nodded her head slowly although she still wasn't 100% happy about leaving the warmth of the duvet that covered her. Zoe responded with a smile and patted Steph's shoulder as she hurried off to the Alexa's room to get her ready. As she went through the bedroom doorway, Nick came the other way and leaned back against the door to let Zoe through. He scowled when he saw Steph sat on the sofa rubbing her eyes, her hair a dishevelled mess. It certainly hadn't been his idea for Steph to stay the night.

"What are you plans for today then?" asked Nick even though he sounded completely disinterested. In all honestly, he wasn't that bothered about what Steph was going to do but he thought he'd try and make some sort of polite conversation rather than stand in silence.

"I'm going with Zoe and Lex to mum's. I haven't actually seen her since I came down." replied Steph, kicking off the duvet and standing up.

"What about your friend who was brought into the ED. Alana wasn't it?" said Nick walking over to the kitchen and grabbing a glass for a drink of water.

"Annie." corrected Steph "Yeah, she's not too bad. They kept her in overnight for observation and she seems fine now."

"When will you be returning home then? Surely you want to see Pearl and little Joseph?" Nick had suddenly found himself thinking of all these questions to ask Steph, much to her dislike.

"What is this, 20 questions?"

"I'm just curious that's all. Are you going to go and get ready then?" said Nick, raising his eyebrows as Steph shot him an exasperated look.

"That's what I was planning to do until you started with the Spanish inquisition!" exclaimed Steph, grabbing her clothes from a nearby arm chair and storming off to the bathroom, the door slamming behind her. A few moments later, Zoe reappeared with Alexa balanced on her hip. She quickly glanced towards the bathroom door which she heard slam earlier and scowled at Nick.

"And what was that all about?"

"Oh it doesn't matter. Just your sister being her charming self." Nick responded, flopping down onto one of the dining room chairs. Alexa began to wriggle around restlessly in Zoe's arms so Zoe placed her gently down onto the floor on her feet and held Alexa's hands so the little girl didn't fall over.

"Shall we go and see daddy?" Zoe said tenderly urging Alexa to take a few tentative steps forward towards her father. These were the sort of moments Zoe cherished when Alexa learned to do something even if it was as simple as walking a few steps.

"Aren't you a clever little girl." smiled Nick, getting down onto his knees in front of Alexa. She took a few more steps with Zoe and then Zoe let go, letting her walk a little on her own. She seemed to manage it for a few more steps and then fell forward, straight into Nick's arms which had been there ready to catch his daughter.

"Dada." Alexa spoke, clapping her hands together as Nick pulled her onto his knees.

"You're getting good at saying that Lex." grinned Zoe, leaning on the kitchen worktop. Alexa looked up at the mention of her name and even though she didn't understand what her mother was saying, she still gave her a smile and after a few seconds, this smile turned into giggles as Nick had started to tickle her. Zoe turned her head sharply to look at the bathroom door which her sister had been behind for the past couple of minutes.

"Zoe, staring at the door isn't going to make her come out any quicker." laughed Nick who got off up the floor and lifted Alexa into his arms. Zoe shrugged at this comment and wandered over to the door, knocking on the door. To this action, Zoe heard a groan from within the bathroom and footsteps approach the door.

_"What?"_ Steph's frustrated voice rang out.

"When will you be ready as Nick really needs to get to work." asked Zoe.

_"Zoe, I've only just got in here. I'm going to be ages yet."_

Zoe turned her head towards Nick who lifted the car keys off the table and waved them in the air. Zoe nodded in return, understanding what Nick meant, and looked back at the door.

"Look Steph, I'm going to wait in the car with Nick and Lex. We will be off in ten minutes so be at the car by then." ordered Zoe. Before giving Steph a chance to reply, Zoe followed Nick, who had taken Alexa with him down to the car.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"Look, I can't wait much longer. Adam and I have a meeting together this morning." moaned Nick, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently. He had been doing this for the last few minutes and it had been really started to frustrate Zoe but she didn't dare say anything.

"Just five more minutes sweetheart." Zoe requested as Nick rolled his eyes.

"Zo, you said that ten minutes ago."

Zoe sighed and rested her head back on the seat, staring towards the downstairs entrance to the flats, hoping to see her sister emerge. Eventually, after a few moments of awkward silence, Steph came hurrying out of the building and ran across the car park.

"Sorry." said Steph although she didn't sound it. As soon as she pulled the door shut, Nick revved the engine and drove off towards Deborah's house.

The drive to the house was quiet. An awkward quiet. It was mainly due to Nick being fed up that Steph had made him late for work but Nick also didn't want to start an argument with her because he hated having any altercation in front of Alexa. He didn't want her to have to listen to anything like that.

"Here we are." Nick said simply, neatly manoeuvring the car in between two other parked cars.

"Thanks love." smiled Zoe who leant over towards Nick and settled a small kiss upon his cheek.

"Right do you want me to pick you up later after my shift?" asked Nick to Zoe as Steph got out the car, not bothering to say goodbye to Nick.

"Oh would you! That would be great." said Zoe gratefully, giving Nick another kiss.

"Go on Zo, I'm going to be late!" laughed Nick, patting Zoe upon the thigh. Zoe noted Nick's anticipation to get to work and got out the car, hurrying round to the other side to get Alexa out.

Once Zoe had Alexa balanced on her hip and a couple of bags clutching in her hand, Nick drove off to the hospital. Steph was already standing at the top of the steps, waiting for Zoe to reach the door.

"You know you could give me a hand." sighed Zoe, struggling to carry both her daughter and the bags up the steps. Steph acknowledged Zoe's plea for help and grabbed the two bags from Zoe's hand. Pressing the doorbell, the three of them stood back and waited for the front door to open. They didn't have to wait long and when the door opened, they were greeted with a beaming smile.

"Oh my goodness!" cried Deborah, unable to contain her happiness that her two daughters and granddaughter were all here together. "Come in!" Deborah pulled Steph into the house and into a warm embrace and then planted a kiss on Zoe's cheek as she was holding Alexa.

"Surprise!" smiled Steph, taking off her jacket and throwing it over to the banister.

"Certainly is. When did you come down Steph?" asked Deborah, placing her hand behind her head to fix up some strands of hair that had come astray from her neat bun.

"Oh, a couple of days ago. I've left the kids with Mark so that I could come and see Zoe and meet up with a couple of friends."

"She stayed with me last night mum." said Zoe, cutting into her mother and sisters conversation. Deborah looked at her eldest daughter and scowled. Zoe knew exactly what she was thinking before she even said it.

"Nick was there as well?" questioned Deborah beckoning for Zoe to put Alexa into her arms.

"Yes mum, Nick was there as well. It is his flat." sighed Zoe, passing Alexa gently into her mother's embrace.

"So did you and him get on then?" said Deborah turning to look at Steph who just rolled her eyes in response. "I'll take that as a no then"

"Do you blame him for not being the most friendly towards you Steph and also you mum come to think of it. After our temporary split, you two were awful towards him. You blamed him for everything when I was just as bad towards him." Zoe spat. She hadn't meant to get annoyed. She was determined to stay calm if the topic of Nick came up but she couldn't. She had to defend Nick. He was a decent man and she didn't want her mother and sister saying bad things about him, especially when they were in the presence of Alexa.

"Zoe." Deborah said quietly after Zoe's outburst had subsided "We didn't mean to upset you."

"Yes, I know you didn't." answered Zoe, her eyes downcast "I just want us to all move on, for Alexa's sake. I don't want her around all this bad feeling. I want her to grow with a happy family who all get on."

"We understand that Zo." said Steph, taking her sister's hand and squeezing it lightly. It was now that she was beginning to realise what Zoe was feeling. She just wanted the best for Alexa and Steph could see that.

"Why don't we go into the other room eh? Steph do you mind making some coffee's for us?" Deborah suggested, changing the subject. Steph nodded dutifully and wandered off towards the kitchen as Zoe and Deborah headed into the living room.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"What time do you call this?" Adam asked Nick as he hurried into the ED. Nick shook his head and rested on the reception desk trying to catch his breath back.

"Adam, I am so sorry I was late. Do we still have time for that meeting or...?" Nick tailed off when he noted Adam's expression.

"No, I rescheduled it for tomorrow afternoon. I would have waited longer but we had some critical patients come in and I couldn't just stand around." replied Adam as Nick sighed.

"It's fine Adam. Look I really am sorry. It's been so hectic at home." said Nick.

"Zoe's sister?" asked Adam raising his eye brow to which Nick nodded in response.

"Yep. Trying to get out the house this morning was a nightmare. I think even Alexa was awake before her." replied Nick, recalling the morning he'd had.

"Well, at least your here now." smiled Adam. He took some files off of the desk next to him and dropped them into Nick's hands.

"Seems like it's going to be a quiet day!" Nick said sarcastically as he looked down to the mountain of paperwork in his grasp.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"Ah, that's great love." beamed Deborah as the lounge door opened revealing Steph who was carrying a tray of steaming hot coffees. Deborah moved a few stray magazine from the table in front so that Steph could place the tray down. Zoe leant over and grabbed a hot mug which instantly made her body feel a lot warmer. Once all three woman were settled down on the chair's scattered around the room, there was a small silence before Deborah spoke once more. "So, whats been happening with you Steph?"

"Well, as I said, I've left the kids with Mark for a few days to spend some time down here with you."

"How are the children?" asked Deborah. It had been a while since she had seen her other grandchildren and she was keen to hear about how they were getting on.

"Their great mum. Pearl is loving school and Joe has just started nursery." Steph smiled. She looked down towards Alexa who was sitting on a play mat staring intently a picture book. Zoe followed Steph's gaze and looked at her daughter. It suddenly struck her that Alexa would be started nursery within a matter of months. Zoe had mixed feelings about this. On one hand, she wanted Alexa to join nursery and meet new friends but on the other hand, she was anxious about letting her go as she was an her only child.

"Zoe?" said Deborah, suddenly aware that her daughter was in a daydream.

"Huh?" replied Zoe, hearing her name being called.

"You're in a complete daze love."

"I'm just thinking." Zoe said honestly, leaning down towards her daughter and ruffling her brown hair.

"About Lex?" Deborah guessed as Zoe nodded.

"It's just going to be weird that's all. When she starts nursery properly, I'll hardly ever get to see her."

"Your be at work some most of it though Zo and anyway, she'll have loads of fun with other children" Steph cut in, trying to reassure her older sister of the benefits of Alexa going to nursery.

"I suppose. It's just she's my only child and it's now beginning to hit me that she's growing up." answered Zoe. She blinked furiously as she felt a tear prick at the corners of her eyes. Deborah gave Zoe a weak smile and placed a hand on her knee.

"I know it's hard sweetheart. It's clear that you and Nick clearly dote on her."

"Have you thought about having any other kids Zoe?" asked Steph tentatively, sipping her coffee slowly.

"Well Nick and I have talked about it. We would like for Alexa to have a brother or sister."

"I think that's wonderful." smiled Deborah, pleased for her eldest. Zoe was a wonderful mother and despite all his faults, Deborah believed Nick was a loving father as well.

"So could we hear the pitter patter of little feet this time next year?" laughed Steph as she placed her mug down on the coffee table. A small smile tugged at the corners of Zoe's lips as she processed Steph question. It was a nice to think that next year, she and Nick could have another son or daughter. Another thought then crossed her mind of which Zoe didn't want to have to think about. What if they had problems trying for a baby? After all, getting pregnant with Alexa was a challenge and Zoe prayed that they wouldn't face the same problems the second time round.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

**I know it's been such a long while since I updated but I'm having such a busy time at the moment with my GCSE's just being around the corner. This chapter took simply ages to write but I hope it was worth the wait. Any reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thanks to everyone that has so far! An extra special thanks to everyone who has continued at follow this story as I know that I wouldn't have been able to write it without you guys! :) **

**X Natasha X**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi everyone! Firstly, sorry about the late update! I just have very little time to write at the moment. Secondly, how sad was Nick's exit from Casualty! :( I wish he and Zoe had had more time together in that episode though. They should have talked through the whole baby thing as it never got sorted out. Anyway, enough of my ramblings, here's the next chapter! :)**

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"You didn't have to do this mum" said Zoe gratefully as Deborah shook her head.

"Nonsense Zoe, It's no trouble. It saves Nick having to stop off at my place on his way back from work"

Deborah pulled up outside the block of flats where Zoe and Nick lived and turned the car ignition off. She turned in her seat and smiled towards her two daughters and granddaughter who were sat in the back seats. Deborah had enjoyed today. It was nice to be able spend time with both of her children at the same time. It was a rare occasion and Deborah always treasured every minute of it.

"Look, Zo. I was thinking about heading home tonight" declared Steph. She didn't have a brilliant relationship with Nick and although it had been great seeing her sister, she thought it would be best if she left the flat and stayed with her mum for the remainder of her visit.

"Steph, you don't have to go just yet" Zoe said, the disappointment in her voice showing through.

"No, it's better if I get out of your way. Give you and Nick your house back"

Zoe gave her sister a small smile and nodded. If Steph wanted to go then it was her decision but Zoe couldn't help but feel slightly despondent.

"Why don't you stay over at mine tonight Steph and then drive back in the morning" Deborah suggested "It's getting late and you'd probably prefer not to drive in the dark"

"Yeah, that's not a bad idea mum. I'll call Mark later and tell him the revised plans"

"Do you want to come in mum?" asked Zoe.

"It's ok love, I'm going to head off home" Deborah replied "I've enjoyed today though. It's been nice to spend time with both of you and little Lex"

"It would be nice to do again sometime" Zoe said, glancing at Steph and then back to her mother. A comfortable silence fell across the car as Zoe finished talking. "Come on then" Steph said, undoing her seatbelt and getting out of the car. Zoe nodded in response and lent forward to kiss Deborah on the cheek. Deborah turned her head and smiled at Zoe. She was immensely proud of both of her daughters and she knew she shouldn't have favourites but for Deborah, Zoe was an exception. She had done so well for herself. She had a brilliant career of which she worked so damn hard for. She had a husband who clearly adored her and despite her reservations, Deborah knew that Nick was one of the best things to ever happen to Zoe. Deborah watched as Zoe unstrapped Alexa from her car seat and lifted her gently into Steph's arms. As Zoe reached back into the car to grab Alexa's bag, Deborah placed her hand gently on Zoe's arm.

"You and Nick will be fine sweetheart and I'm sure once you put your mind to it, another baby will be just around the corner, you'll see" Deborah smiled. Zoe was slightly taken aback by Deborah's comment but secretly pleased. It was like reassurance and it made Zoe want to have another baby with Nick even more. Zoe nodded towards her mum and then lifted her head out the car and shut the door.

"Shall we get this madam up to the flat then?" asked Steph laughing as she lifted Alexa in the air and started tickling her.

"Yep, good idea" Zoe responded, noticing the chill in the air. While Steph began to walk towards the flat with Alexa, Zoe stayed still for a minute, checking her watch for the time. 2.30pm. Half an hour until Nick finished his shift and came home. After today, Nick had booked a few days off to spend at home and Zoe for one was hoping to make the most of that time with Nick for more reasons that one. Zoe sighed contentedly as she picked up the big bag on the floor which contained all of her daughters essential things like nappies and toys. She followed off after her sister who had now disappeared from view.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"Right, that's me off Adam" said Nick, appearing at the office door with his briefcase tucked neatly under his arm. Adam looked up from his mountain of paperwork and rolled his eyes. Nick had offered to help Adam with the admin work a couple of hours ago but Nick had lost track of time and ended up staying in resus for much of his shift. Adam didn't mind too much though. Nick had often helped him out with the paperwork in the past when he had gotten behind so he supposed it was only fair that he completed some now on his own.

"Lucky for some eh!" sighed Adam, throwing down his pen and leaning back on the office chair.

"You'll be done in no time. This is the hardest I've seen you work on paperwork in ages!" laughed Nick as Adam smiled and shook his head.

"Yeah and with no help from you!" retorted Adam jokily.

"If you want me to stay for a little longer then I can?" suggested Nick, aware that Adam had been cooped up in the little office for over an hour.

"No, don't worry. You get back to Zoe and Lex. Anyway, as you said, I'll be done in no time. I've only got a little more to do"

"Okay, I'll see you in a couple of days then" said Nick, nodding towards Adam. He turned towards the door and began to walk out but then stopped and turned his head. "Adam, have you heard from Jessica recently?" Adam stared at Nick for a few seconds as his mind processed his college's question.

"No. Not since she left" Adam replied finally, suddenly feeling a tinge of sadness as he thought about his wife. It had been a while since he'd actually said her name aloud in a conversation with anyone. He had tried calling her a few times but each time, he had just gotten through to her answer phone and that was the closest he had been able to get to hearing her voice. "Has Zoe heard anything from her?" Adam asked, suddenly remembering that Zoe and Jess were such close friends. Nick looked awkwardly towards Adam and began to shuffle his feet from side to side.

"I think she had a phone call. It was a few months back" Nick reciprocated.

"And was she happy...?" Adam asked, his voice trailing off.

"I believe so" Nick's reply was so simple but it reassured Adam. He was comforted by the fact that she was getting on fine. Like himself, Jessica had been through so much, especially with the loss of their little boy but if Jess was content then so was he. Adam smiled weakly up towards Nick who responded with the same small smile. Nick then turned and left the office, leaving Adam to get back to his admin and to reflect upon their conversation.

As Nick made his way out of the hospital, he began to think about his future. It was something he thought about often and even more so in the last few years when he had been diagnosed with a brain tumour. He had always tried to say positive about looking forward and when he didn't have a family, this had been especially difficult but now with Zoe and Alexa in his life, his future seemed that much brighter. He couldn't wait for the day to come when Zoe walked down the aisle and became Mrs Jordan. He couldn't wait for the day when Alexa got a new baby brother or sister.

Nick wandered towards his car and rested upon the door, breathing in a deep breath of air. Nick could feel his eye lids beginning to get a little heavy but the cold air woke him up a little bit more as it rushed down his throat.

Meanwhile, back in the office, Adam was still sat there. He hadn't completed any more paperwork since Nick had left. His mind just seemed to be fixed on Jessica. As he thought about her more and more, the urge to pick up the phone and ring got ever more great. His hand reached for his phone but he stopped it in mind air. Why should he call her if she was happy? He didn't want to ruin what new life she may have built up for herself. Calling her would just rake up their painful past and the last thing Adam wanted to do was to upset her. His mind was a whir, wondering what to do for the best. After a few minutes of debating, Adam finally picked up his phone and clutched it tightly in his hand. His hand began to shake slightly as he typed the number into his phone. He was surprised that he remembered the number so easily as Jess had left a few years ago. As he lifted the phone to his ear, he was suddenly hit by the realisation that Jess could have changed her number. If Jess had changed her number then Adam would end up calling a random stranger but he had to take that risk. The dialling tone of the phone kicked in and Adam sat completely still in the chair. His heart was beating so heavily he thought it would come right through his chest. The ringing continued for another 30 seconds until it stopped and a woman's voice suddenly came on the line. For a minute, Adam's heart skipped a beat when he thought he had got through to Jess but his happiness was short lived when he became aware of the fact that the voice was just Jess' voicemail.

_'Hi, you've reached Jess' phone. I'm sorry I can't answer your call at the moment but if you leave your name and number, I'll try and get back to you. Bye"_

A tear slowly rolled down Adam's cheek as he listened to her soft voice. It was a sound he missed hearing so much. He had been so near, yet so far from speaking to Jessica. He slammed the phone down onto the desk in annoyance at how so close he had been. '_There is always another time' _Adam thought suddenly after his anger had subsided. Just because she didn't pick up now, she could still pick up at another time. She was probably just out or busy with Lucas and Amelia. At least he knew that he had the right number to call her.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

The darkness of dusk was descending as Nick drove away from the hospital. Luckily for Nick, there was still some sun rays shining down. He hated driving in the dark of night. It just made him uneasy. Still, at least it wasn't raining Nick thought as he moved his hand over towards the CD player in the car. Normally, he would have just switched it on straight away, knowing exactly that he wanted to listen to some classical melodies but today he paused, pondering over whether he should maybe give some of Zoe's music a chance. He didn't think it could be all bad!

To his surprise, he began to enjoy what he was listening too. For the next few minutes, he sat there driving contently, nodding his head to the low beat of the music, when his phone started to vibrate on the passenger seat next to him. Zoe's name flashed up on the screen. Anyone else then he would normally leave it but if it was Zoe he would always pick up, mainly to make sure the call wasn't anything to do with Alexa. He quickly switched the music down grabbed the phone next to him whilst making sure that his other hand was firmly gripped onto the steering wheel.

"Hi Zoe, everything okay?" Nick began.

_"Hi love, just wondering what time you're coming home?"_

"I'm on my way now. Should be about twenty minutes or so"

_"Right, well Steph leaving today so I thought we could all go out for a meal?" _Zoe suggested. Nickgave a small smile. He was secretly glad Steph was going so that he could get his house back and it could just be him, Zoe and Lex again.

"Okay, that sounds good. Maybe after Steph has left we can...well you know! " asked Nick laughing as he pulled up to a junction. He could hear Zoe try and stifle a giggle in the background.

_"Oh, we could, could we!" _Zoe replied. Nick was about to reply to her comment but as he pulled out onto the main road, a car came hurtling down the road, skipped the traffic lights and ploughed straight into the side of the car, sending Nick's Mercedes spinning out of control and down into a ditch...

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

**So, how about that! Will Nick be okay after the crash? I feel mean leaving it on such a cliff hanger!**

**I hope GillianKearneyFan appreciated the Jessica mentions! I'm wondering whether I should bring her character back into it so I'd love to hear what you all think about that. As always, please review. I always love reading them so thank you to the wonderful people that continually do! Until the next update, take care guys!**

**X Natasha X**


	20. Chapter 20

_**Throughout this chapter, I'll be switching between both Zoe and Nick but they won't be in first person. Typos are as ever, my fault! Hope you enjoy! :) **_

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For a few split seconds, the area surrounding the two crashed cars stayed eerily silent. The only audible sound was that of Nick's car bonnet, hissing from the aftermath of the collision. Some smoke had begun to rise up from the Mercedes, beginning to cover the silver car in a white plume. Nick's mobile had fallen down by his feet when he dropped it from the impact of the crash, still connected to Zoe. Nick's eyes fluttered open for a split second and then closed tightly again. It hurt him even to do that slightest movement. He tried to move his head to look outside of the car to observe the damage but that action sent a shooting pain through his neck causing him to wince.

To Nick it felt like hours but after a minute, the approaching sound of footsteps was heard. Whoever it was seemed to be trending on broken glass as they came ever nearer.

"H...Hello?" Nic stuttered, struggling to speak because of the pain.

"An ambulance is on its way" said a voice next to him. To Nick, the person sounded to be a young woman but as Nick couldn't turn his head to see, he wasn't too sure. "I'm Anna, can you tell me your name?"

"Nick. I'm a d...doctor at Holby C...city" answered Nick, his voice shaking more than ever. The young woman, Anna, moved closer so that Nick was able to see who she was talking to. As Anna changed position, she saw blood trickling down Nick's face but she was unsure of the actual source.

"Okay Nick, I'm going to stay with you until the ambulance arrives" proclaimed Anna as Nick smiled weakly although that was last thing he felt like doing. Nick closed his eyes as he tried to take his mind off of the immense pain that was surging through his body. Suddenly, his eyes shot open again, realising that he had been on the phone to Zoe when he had crashed. He looked down towards the floor where the phone lie and automatically tried to reach down to get it.

"Arghh" Nick groaned, moving back into his original position. There was no way that he could get the phone in the state he was in.

"Whoa Nick, you need to stay still" exclaimed Anna, anxious that Nick didn't add or worsen the injuries that he had already sustained. "Was is it you need?"

"My phone. My f...fiancée Zoe. I was talking to her at the j...junction before the crash" Nick spluttered as Anna nodded, resting a gentle hand upon Nick's arm to try and keep him calm.

"Don't worry. I'll call her for you" Anna reassured Nick, turning his head to see whether the ambulance was in sight.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"Right, that's Lexi down for her nap" smiled Steph as she tiptoed out of Alexa's room, pulling the door closed quietly behind her. She wandered over the sofa where Zoe was and flopped down next to her. She looked at Zoe as she was surprised she hadn't said anything. Steph frowned towards her sister when she noticed that she just staring into space. What worried her more though is that she could see a tear trickling down her sisters cheek. "Hey, whats up?" Steph asked, putting a hand on Zoe's lower back.

"It's Nick" whispered Zoe, her voice shaking "I think he's had an a...accident" Zoe watched as he sisters face turned to horror.

"Wait, what? How do you know?" Steph exclaimed, taking Zoe's hand and squeezing it. She could see how visibly shaken her sister was. She couldn't understand how Zoe thought that though? How could she tell he had a car crash?

"I was talking to him on the phone. He was driving. All of sudden I heard this crash in the background" replied Zoe, now crying uncontrollably.

"Oh my god Zoe" replied Steph, struggling to find the words. Even though she and Nick weren't close, she suddenly found herself wanting to cry. She couldn't though. She had to be strong for Zoe and Alexa. Steph wrapped her arm round her older sister and pulled her close. Zoe rested her head on Steph's shoulder, tears still streaming down her face.

Suddenly, a vibration came from the coffee table in front of them where they sat. Zoe's phone. Zoe bolted away from her sister and grabbed the phone, not bothering to see who was calling.

"Hello... Nick? Is that you?" asked Zoe quickly.

_"Hi, is that Zoe?" _asked the voice.

"Yeah, who is this?

_"I'm Anna, I'm with your husband Nick. He's had a car crash"_ Anna said. Zoe's face dropped. Her worst fears had been confirmed. She found herself unable to find an answer to Anna. She couldn't even correct Anna on the fact that Nick wasn't her husband. Not yet anyway. Zoe's mind suddenly wandered towards Alexa. Oh god, Alexa! What was she going to tell her little girl? Although she was only a toddler, she knew that Alexa would sense something was wrong. "_Zoe? Zoe, are you still there?" _continued Anna.

"Yeah" answered Zoe shakily, hearing faint sirens in the background "How is he?"

_"He keeps dipping in and out of consciousness. He's got a gash on his head although I can't see exactly where. That's all I know but the ambulance has just arrived"_

"Thanks Anna" answered Zoe looking towards Steph who seemed confused at who Zoe was actually talking to.

_"Look Zoe, I've got to go. I'll call you as soon as I know where they are taking Nick"_ Anna responded hurriedly.

"Wait, Anna" Zoe called down the phone but Anna had already cut the call. She couldn't believe that this woman had just hung up on her. All she knew was that Nick was trapped in a crashed car. Zoe didn't even know where he was or which hospital although she could probably give a good guess at Holby.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"Hello love" said Dixie, seeing Anna hurry over to her and Jeff who was following in quick pursuit "Can you tell me what's happened?"

"I was driving along and I saw that car over there skip the traffic lights and crash straight into the side of this Mercedes" explained Anna, pointing out the driver of the other crashed car who was just sat perched on the bank by the other side of the road. There was someone with him, putting a jacket around his shoulders to keep him warm as the temperature wasn't much above 10 degrees.

"Hey Dix, isn't that Nick's Mercedes?" queried Jeff, noticing the familiar number plate. Dixie quickly scanned the car and groaned heavily.

"Oh, I pray it isn't"

"Did you say Nick?" asked Anna, overhearing the two paramedics conversation as they reached the car.

"Yeah" answered Dixie, her expression suddenly turning grave.

"The man said his name was Nick. He also said that he was a doctor at Holby City" Anna added.

"Oh no" sighed Dixie as the driver in the Mercedes clearly came into view. It was Nick. Dixie quickened her pace to the side of the car and knelt down next to Nick who had his eyes closed. "Mr Jordan, what's happened to you eh!"

"Is that you Dixie?" mumbled Nick, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Yep and Jeff's here to" replied Dixie, reached over to Nick's neck to feel his pulse. "Right Nick, can you feel pain anywhere?" Nick nodded slowly and lifted his hand up towards his head which made him groan again outwardly.

"Okay Nick, try not to move" Dixie advised as Nick moved his arm back to its original position. "Anywhere else?"

"M...my neck"

"Okay sweetheart" Dixie said warmly "Jeff, we are going to need a collar and board over here please" Jeff nodded towards his colleague and rushed off back to the ambulance.

"I need to speak to Zoe" insisted Nick, continuing to feel worse.

"Don't worry Nick, I'll call her" Dixie reassured Nick who looking increasing agitated. Dixie heard the pounding of footsteps behind her and turned her head just as Jeff skidded to a halt next to her, armed with a collar and board.

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

"Why the hell hasn't she called me back?" shouted Zoe, pacing up and down the flat. Her arms were hugging her body, trying to ease the shaking that had come over her. Tears were still streaming down her face and they hadn't subsided at all since the phone call.

"Zoe, please calm down!" said Steph gently. She hated seeing her big sister in such a state and being unable to stop her worry. Zoe turned angrily towards her, unable to comprehend how Steph seemed so unfazed.

"My fiancée is trapped in a car that's lying in a ditch! How can you tell me to calm down!" cried Zoe. Zoe put her hand up to her face to try and conceal her loud sobs but it was to no avail. Steph quickly got up and enveloped Zoe into a hug. Zoe tried to push Steph away but Steph held on and Zoe had no choice but to break down in her arms.

"Everything's going to be fine" Steph soothed, stroking Zoe's hair lightly. "You need to keep strong for Lex" At the mention of Alexa, Zoe moved away from Steph and wiped away the tears from her eyes. Steph was right. How could she break down when she needed to be strong for her little girl.

"Okay look, can you go and check on Lex and I'll try and call Anna again" Zoe said decisively as Steph nodded. She smiled weakly towards her sister and took her hand, rubbing the pad of her thumb of the back of Zoe's hand.

"That's my girl" replied Steph warmly before she hurried off to Alexa's room. Zoe took a deep breath and picked up her phone. She searched her calls for Anna's number and pressed the phone to her ear. Within seconds, a female voice picked up the phone. It was a voice Zoe recognised.

"Dixie, Dixie is that you?" asked Zoe. She could hear a few muttering voices at the end of the line before someone answered.

_"Zoe, I'm with Nick..."_ Dixie was cut off by Zoe.

"How is he? What's happened?" interrogated Zoe.

_"He's been in accident which you know. He's complaining of neck pain and he's got a deep laceration to his head. He's also said he feel nauseous so concussion is also possible"_

"I can't believe this has happened" Zoe said, beginning to cry down the phone. Dixie heard these sobs and tried her best to try and soothe her colleague.

_"Zoe, we can't be sure of anything until we get to Holby. We are giving them the heads up so they know its Nick. Is there any way you can get here? Can anyone look after Alexa?" _asked Dixie.

"No, I'm taking her with me. I need to be with her. My sister Steph can drive me?" Zoe answered.

_"Okay Zoe. Please don't worry, Nick will be fine"_ Dixie reassured but she felt she was lying to Zoe. Looking at Nick now, he seemed in a bad way and Dixie was unsure of what the outcome of this accident would be...

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

_**Another cliff hanger! I thought it seemed a good place to end the chapter but I will do my best to update as quick as I possibly can! It's such a busy time for me at the moment with exams so that's why my updates are so erratic! Anyway, favourites and follows are great but reviews are even better! :)**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**Quicker update than usual. Thanks for the reviews last chapter! Much appreciated :) Any errors in spelling and grammar are my own mistakes. I'm no doctor and any of the medical stuff in this chapter is purely thanks to the internet!**_

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"Nick Jordan, 49 years old. Involved in an RTC. Visible lacerations to the head. Complaining of head and neck pain. GCS of 9 on arrival, improved to 10 since. BP is 100 over 80" asserted Dixie as she pushed the trolley into the ED with the aid of Jeff. Adam, Jay and Tess came hurrying over, each grabbing onto the bars of the bed and pushing Nick towards resus.

"Has Zoe been informed?" questioned Adam, anxious to know whether Zoe was aware of what had happened to Nick.

"Yep. I've called her and her sister is bringing her in along with Alexa" responded Dixie. "Right ladies and gents, can we all grab a piece please" Dixie gestured towards the board Nick was lying on and almost simultaneously, everyone took hold of a side. "Okay, on my count. One, two, three" On three, they all lifted Nick gently onto the resus bed. With every patient, they wanted to make sure they gave the best care they could possibly could but it was even more important if a colleague was the one they were treated.

"Thanks for that guys, we'll take over from here" instructed Adam. Dixie and Jeff nodded and wandered slowly back out of resus, both extremely concerned for the welfare of their boss.

"Can you hear me Nick? It's Adam"

"Hmm" groaned Nick. He seemed to be feeling worse than he was in the crashed car but he was glad to be out of it. Who knows what could have happened if he had remained there any longer.

"Okay, I'm just going to shine a light in your eyes" Adam pre warned, taking a small torch out of his top pocket. As soon as the light from the torch touched his eyes, Nick felt an instant pain shoot through his head.

"Nick, can you tell me where your pain is?" asked Adam, hoping for a good response from Nick. Nick tried to take a deep breath before answering Adam's question.

"My head... neck. Arms tingle" said Nick slowly.

"Right Jay, can you order a head and neck CT and an X-ray" Adam ordered.

"Sure" Jay obliged, dashing off to fulfil his duties.

"Nick, I'm going to get you some pain relief. Hopefully that should make you feel more comfortable" said Adam, moving closer to Nick to make sure that he could hear him.

"Where's Zoe?" mumbled Nick, trying to take off him oxygen mask. Tess quickly noticed what he was doing and she took the mask out of his grasp and placed it back over his face.

"Nick, you need to keep the mask on. Zoe's been called and she's coming in with Steph and Lexi" Tess said comfortingly but Nick shook his head.

"Not Alexa. I...I don't want her to see me l...like this" Nick requested. He couldn't stand to have his little girl see him in such a bad way.

"That's fine Nick. I'll get Kirsty or Jay to mind her while Zoe's here. Try not to worry" soothed Tess. Afterall that Zoe and Nick had been through over the last few years, she hated seeing yet an obstacle standing in their way of happiness. She had watched their relationship grow over the years and she remembered fondly their joy when Alexa was born. She just prayed that Nick would fully recover from this and that he and Zoe could get on with their lives. Adam walked away from Nick and gently pulled Tess by the arm, taking her over to one side.

"Can I leave you to organize some pain relief?" asked Adam as Tess nodded "We can't do much until we find out the results of the scan so I'm just going to check on a couple of other patients" Adam was hesitant to leave Nick but he knew he'd only be gone a couple of minutes. Adam wandered out of resus and through into the cubicles. As Adam walked past the nurse's station, he heard someone call his name.

"Adam, How's Nick doing?" Kirsty asked as she filled in some information on one patients discharge form. Adam shook his head, unsure of how to answer the question.

"Not great. The results of the CT should put things into perspective" answered Adam. He wasn't willing to disclose to much information as patient confidentiality still applied even though Nick was joint clinical lead. Adam was pleased that the staff were concerned about Nick though. Adam caught Jay walking past and grabbed his arm. "Jay, have you managed to find a slot in CT for Mr Jordan?"

"Yep, although it's not for another half hour or so. They have a backlog of patients. I'm surprised I managed to get a slot to be honest" replied Jay.

"Okay, that's fine. Oh Jay, Kirsty could I ask you both a favour" Adam said, looking between the two nurses who nodded their heads simultaneously. "Zoe's coming in with Alexa and her sister. I'm wondering whether one of you could mind Alexa for a while as I presume Steph would want to go in and see Nick as well"

"Yep, that's fine with me. I'm due on a break soon" Kirsty stated.

"If Tess doesn't mind then I can easily spare a hour or so" agreed Jay. Adam smiled towards them both, grateful for their support.

"Brilliant. We'll see what Zoe wants to do when she arrives" Adam commented. "Right, I need to get back and see some other patients"

As Adam went off towards cubicles, Kirsty and Jay were left stood at the station, contemplating upon the conversation they had just had. Charlie appeared round the corners and meandered up to them. He scowled when he noticed the solemn faces.

"Come on, cheer up. It can't be that bad!" laughed Charlie as Kirsty and Jay exchanged confused glances. Did Charlie not know?

"Gramps, you do know whats happened don't you?" quizzed Jay. Charlie frowned in response, uncertain of what the young nurse was referring too. He'd only been gone about twenty minutes. He wondered what could have happened in that short space of time.

"Mr Jordan's been in an RTC. He's just been brought in" Kirsty informed, taking in the look of horror appearing upon the senior charge nurse's face.

"Wait, what?" Charlie asked again even though he'd heard clearly the first time. "How is he?"

"Better ask Adam" instructed Jay, pointing towards Adam who was checking over another patient. He didn't seem focused with them though. It was clear he was deep in thought.

"Tess is with Mr Jordan in resus now I think" added Kirsty.

"Right" Charlie responded simply "I'd better go and see him" Charlie paced of in the direction of resus, still trying to digest the bad news. A few minutes later, he was entering resus and immediately saw Nick lying on a bed, a collar still strapped around his neck. Tess was stood about a foot away from him, checking his obs. She heard footsteps behind her and turned around as Charlie approached. He could see that Nick's eyes were firmly shut and he shot a worried glance at Tess.

"Kirsty told me. How is he?" Tess shrugged her shoulders. It wasn't that she didn't have a clue what was going on but she, like Adam, was unsure of the extent to Nick's injuries.

"He keeps dipping in and out of consciousness. I've cleaned up the laceration he sustained on his head and given him some pain relief. We are waiting on a CT now" Tess sighed.

"I can hear you" mumbled Nick, the oxygen mask upon his face muffling the sound of his voice.

"How are you feeling Nick?" replied Charlie, laughing slightly.

"I've been better"

"Do you remember what happened?" queried Tess.

"A car crashed into me" answered Nick, pulling the mask off his face. This time, Tess didn't try and stop him. "Is Zoe here yet?"

"No but she's on her way" reassured Tess, resting a hand upon Nick's arm. "Just try and get a little rest now" Tess added, looking at Charlie who nodded in agreement.

"Wait, what happened to the other driver?" asked Nick, his breathing sounding slightly more breathless than before.

"I believe they've been taken to St James'" informed Tess. "Let's put this back on eh" Tess took the oxygen mask once again and placed it back over Nick's mouth. A few seconds after, the resus doors burst open and Noel appeared at the door. He beckoned for either Tess or Charlie to come over to him so he didn't have to shout what he wanted to say across resus. Charlie looked a Tess who gestured for him to go and see Noel.

"Zoe's here" Noel said quietly as Charlie acknowledged what he'd said. Charlie ran his hands through his hair, not particularly looking forward to seeing Zoe's distraught face. Charlie took a deep breath before leaving resus. It seemed like his feet were dragging on the floor as he approached reception. He could see Zoe. She had her back to him and she was half leaning on the desk with her head in her hands. Steph was bent down next to her with Alexa directly in front. Steph had hold of the little girl's hands as she stood shakily on her own two feet.

"Zoe?" called Charlie, walking up to his colleague. Zoe immediately span round and it was clear to see that she had been crying from the mascara that was slightly smudged around her eyes.

"Is he okay?" Zoe sniffed, wiping away a stray tear. Charlie tried to muster a weak smile in response but it was so difficult when he saw Zoe's distressed, tear stained face.

"You'd better come through" was Charlie's answer. There was no way that he'd discuss Nick's condition out here where everyone could listen in. Zoe glanced towards Steph who gestured for her to go in.

"Don't worry about Lex. I'll look after her" promised Steph, picking up Alexa and balancing the wriggling toddler on her hip.

"Why don't you wait in the office?" suggested Charlie. Steph looked towards Zoe who put her hand into her bag and pulled out a piece of scrunched up paper.

"Here's the number code for the door" informed Zoe, passing the paper to Steph.

"A nurse can watch Alexa if you want to come in Stephanie" offered Charlie. Steph pulled a face and looked at Zoe who just shrugged her shoulders. At this moment, Zoe couldn't be bothered to think of the ongoing uneasy feeling between her sister and fiancée. The only think that mattered was that Nick got better and he could come home to her and Alexa.

"Erm... I'll be along a little later. Give Zoe a chance to be with Nick on her own" replied Steph. Zoe gave a weak grateful smile back at her sister and then looked down to the floor. "And it's Steph. Stephanie sounds so formal!" added Steph as an afterthought. She'd never really been that keen on her name so ever since she was a little girl, she had always insisted on it being shortened. The only time her full name was ever really used was on official documents.

"Okay Steph" smiled Charlie. He took Zoe's arm and gently led her into resus while Steph and Alexa went in the other direction. Zoe paused at the resus doors. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was to go and see Nick strapped up, unable to move. She couldn't leave him though. She couldn't turn away. Nick needed her. He needed her support and love and Zoe was determined to give him just that.

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_**So how was that? Please favourite, follow and review! **_

_**X Natasha X**_


	22. Chapter 22

**I just want to say that in the last chapter I included Kirsty. It had completely slipped my mind that I had actually written Kirsty out at the very beginning of the story. I did start the story ages ago so that's why I forgot. Anyway, I just want to confirm that Kirsty isn't in the story anymore. Thank you for GillianKearneyFan for spotting my error! Speaking of errors, any mistakes with spellings and grammar are my own and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

20 minutes had gone by. It felt like the longest twenty minutes of Zoe's life. It was almost as if time had stood still and it didn't seem to show any signs of returning to a normal pace. All of that time, Zoe's left hand had been tightly gripping Nick's lifeless hand. Every now and then she would draw circles with the pad of thumb on the palm of his hand. She couldn't bring herself to take her hand away. She wanted Nick to feel that he wasn't alone and that she was always by his side. At the same time, Zoe desperately wanted to see Alexa. She just wanted to hold her and give her a cuddle. There was no way she was bringing her into resus though. Nick didn't want her to see him like that and neither did Zoe.

Nick was still heavily wired up to various machinery and he still had a brace round his neck. Zoe understood that Holby was a busy ED but surely that could find a small slot in which to fit Nick in for a scan.

Nick's eyes fluttered open and Zoe immediately looked down at him and gave him a weak smile. Nick tried to respond but he winced slightly. Zoe sighed quietly and squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"Hey you" said Zoe softly. A tear threatened to fall from her eye. Normally, she'd do anything in her power to fight back any tears but this time she couldn't muster the energy.

The resus doors burst open and in came Jeff and Dixie with another patient. Zoe wasn't really engaged in what the two paramedics were saying about the patient but from the little that she did hear, she understood that it wasn't a particularly life threatening case. Then, Zoe heard Charlie's voice. It seemed to stand above all the rest, probably because that he was who Zoe most wanted to speak to. It wasn't long before Zoe got her wish as Charlie appeared from behind that screen that separated Nick from the rest of resus.

"Any news on the scan?" asked Zoe quickly. Charlie shook his head sadly in response.

"Sorry. It's completely backed up. We are doing are best but it's not really fair to kick patients out of the line"

"Quite right" said a mumbled voice from next to them.

"How you feeling Nick?" asked Charlie as his colleague joined into the conversation.

"I reckon the morphine is kicking in" concluded Nick as he noticed his limbs seemed to be in less pain that they were before. He still had a banging headache but he knew that was partly to do with cut he had sustained. "Is Lex here?" added Nick, his question aimed towards Zoe. She smiled and stroked his hand tenderly.

"Yep. Steph's with her in the office. No doubt Lex is giving her the run around!" Zoe laughed half heartedly.

"I wish I could see her" mused Nick. Ever since he'd being lying there in the hospital bed, the only thing he'd really been able to think about, besides the pain, was Alexa.

"I know" sighed Zoe sadly, looking helplessly at Nick. He closed his eyes again and Zoe looked up at Charlie, hoping for a little back up.

"After the scan, we'll hopefully be able take the neck brace off and to get you into a side room. Then little Alexa can come in and see you" reassured Charlie. He didn't know what the outcome of the scan would be but he was trying to spin a positive light on things. Nick didn't respond to Charlie's statement so Charlie thought he'd best leave the couple and try and chase up the scan.

"It's all going to be okay" said Zoe once Charlie was out of sight "We're strong"

"We're strong? Zoe, I'm the one who is strapped to a collar and board!" scoffed Nick. He was fed up of continually staring up at the while ceiling. He just wanted to know how bad the damage was. He didn't mean to snap at Zoe but he was frustrated and Zoe was the person closest to take those frustrations out on.

"Yeah, I know" Zoe replied quietly, taking her hand away from Nick's and resting on her lap "I'm going to go and check on Alexa" added Zoe as an afterthought. She stood up and smoothed her jacket down. She looked down at Nick and tried to muster a weak smile. She couldn't. Instead, she just kissed her two fingers and then placed them upon Nick's forehead.

Zoe wandered out towards reception and over towards the office. Her eyes seemed glued to the floor and she only looked up when she heard footsteps jogging up to her.

"Zoe, we've got a slot in the scanner for Nick" informed Adam, placing a delicate hand on her shoulder. He looked at her perturbed when he noticed that her whole body seemed to be shaking. He sighed and wrapped one arm around her and guided her towards the office. He wanted her to be away from prying eyes.

Zoe let Adam lead her. She didn't care. The only thing that she could think of was Nick's words. They seemed to be buzzing round her head like a swarm of angry bees. This scenario felt all too familiar. She remembered when he had tried to push her away when his tumour had been diagnosed and now he was doing exactly the same again. Why did he have to rewrite history? She wanted to be there for him; why couldn't he see that?

Adam opened the office door and the first sight they both saw was Steph sat in the big office chair with Alexa sat contentedly on her lap. With crayons in her hand, Alexa continued to complete her masterpiece that she had started on a sheet of paper in front of her. Steph looked up when the two people entered the room. Steph's slight movements prompted Alexa to lift up her head and her face lit up into a gummy smile when she noticed her mother standing in front of her.

"Ma" Alexa tried to say as she dropped the crayon she was clutching and held out her arms to Zoe.

"Hello darling" Zoe said tenderly. Whatever mood she was in, Zoe always tried to put on a brave face when she was around her daughter. Zoe walked round to the other side of the desk and lifted Alexa from her sisters embrace to her own arms. Zoe planted a light kiss on Alexa's silky brown hair. She was beginning to look like Zoe more and more. Her mother always said that Alexa had an uncanny likeness to Zoe when she was her age.

"How is he?" asked Steph but Zoe shook her head. She held Alexa closer towards her and the youngster rested her head on Zoe's shoulder.

"There's a scan booked" stated Adam acknowledging that Zoe probably wouldn't answer Steph's question.

"He doesn't need me" said Zoe suddenly out of the blue. Steph and Adam both gave puzzled glances towards Zoe. She was just stood there, rocking Alexa gently in her arms.

"Zo, where did that come from?" queried Adam. He took a step closer towards his colleague and put a friendly hand on her arm.

"He can be strong on his own because apparently, I'm not the one lying in the hospital bed!" Zoe mimicked. Steph rolled her eyes at her sisters statement. She knew full well that Nick was just being stubborn and that he was refusing help. She knew Zoe did as well but Zoe's state of mind wasn't in a position to think rationally at the moment.

"Please don't take it to heart Zoe" pleaded Steph. Zoe widened her eyes and stared at her sister. On what planet was her sister on? How could she not take it to heart! Nick had basically told her that he didn't need her. Surely her sister realised that this might just have an effect on her!

"Zoe, you know what Nick's like. He's very independent. He's never liked people fussing around him!" added Adam.

"I'm not just anyone though. I'm his fiancée for goodness sake!" Zoe retaliated. She looked down at her daughter who had begun to doze lightly in her arms. She didn't want to discuss the here. Not with Alexa present. "Look, I'm not going to argue in front of Lex. She needs a feed. I'm going to take her into the staffroom" Zoe picked up Alexa's bag with her bottle and carried out of the room. Steph let out a loud groan as soon as Zoe shut the door and put her head in her hands.

"Why can't we get through to her" said Steph. Adam sighed and perched onto the edge of the desk, feeling exactly as Steph looked.

"Let's leave her for a little while. She just needs some space" advised Adam.

"I just want her to be happy!" said Steph, running her hands through her hair. "I'm going back home soon to my own family but I can't leave her in the midst of all this!"

"I know how you feel Steph, I honestly do but Zoe has plenty of support from all of us here at the hospital" assured Adam.

"She needs her family as well though"

Steph lent backwards in the chair and rubbed her face. Sure, their mum was around to help out but that was all. As much as she wanted to see her own kids, Zoe needed her to stick around.

"Nick's scan... I have to go and see him" Adam commented. He patted Steph reassuringly on the shoulder, got off up the desk and headed out towards resus.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"You know the drill Nick. We're going to take you for a scan and hopefully we should find out what the score is" explained Charlie, although he wondered why he had bothered. Nick knew every ED procedure like the back of his hand. Still, Charlie wanted to make sure Nick was completely aware of what was going on.

"We ready?" asked Jay, holding onto a side of the trolley, accompanied by a couple of porters.

"Yes, I think so" Charlie answered, checking Nick who gave him and small smile. As the bed was being pushed through the door resus doors towards the scanner, Adam came the other way and he immediately jogged over when he saw it was Nick.

"Hey Nick, you feeling up to this?" queried Adam.

"I just want to get it over and done with" responded Nick.

"Of course... Look Nick, I think you should talk to Zoe. She just wants to help you"

"Adam, this is between Zoe and I" Nick stated simply. Adam nodded and stepped back from the trolley, letting Nick get to his slot in the scanner. He instantly regretted saying anything. Zoe and Nick needed to talk through it together.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**I thought this seemed a good place to stop. Sorry if I seem to be dragging out these chapters but I need to split them up so that they don't seem too long. Anyway, you wonderful readers know what to do! Review! :) **

**X Natasha X**


	23. Chapter 23

**Another chapter! All grammatical errors as ever as my own fault. Enjoy! :)**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"I thought I'd find you out here" remarked Adam, as he wandered outside and saw Zoe leaning up against a wall, a cigarette clutched between her index and middle finger. Zoe just shrugged and took another puff of the cigarette that looked like it had only just been started. "I didn't think you smoked anymore?"

"Only just taken it back up" Zoe declared, although she didn't look like she was enjoying it. Adam let out a sigh and took the cigarette from her hands. He threw it onto the floor and stamped it into the ground with his foot. "What are you doing?" exclaimed Zoe. Who was Adam to say whether she could smoke or not? Adam didn't respond to Zoe's question and just reclined onto the wall next to Zoe.

"Nick will come round" assured Adam "You've both been through stuff much worse than this Zoe"

"I don't get why he won't let me help him?" despaired Zoe.

"He's a proud man Zo, He doesn't like asking for help" responded Adam. He had known Nick for well over 5 years now and Nick was never one to admit he needed a little support.

"I just wish he'd let me in. We are engaged and we've got a child together. I'm the closest person to him. If he won't let me in, then who else? "

"Just keep trying eh?" suggested Adam, nudging Zoe slightly. She gave him a small smile and nodded slowly. "Anyway, I came to tell you that the scan came back all clear. No damage to the neck or vertebrae. A little whiplash but with rest, some gentle neck exercises and painkillers, that should heal up completely within a few months"

Zoe's small smile changed to a broad one as she felt a wave of relief wash over her. She turned to face Adam and pulled him into a hug, trying her best not to cry. "Thank you" Zoe mumbled into Adam's chest as he wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her lower back in small circles.

"For what?" smiled Adam.

"For being your lovely caring self. I seriously don't know what I'd do without you!" admitted Zoe. She could easily say that Adam was one of her best friends and she knew that whatever happened, he'd always be there for her. She was always so grateful for that.

"Let's go inside and see Nick and Lexi. It's getting cold out here!" proposed Adam, noticing the change in the temperature outside.

"Good idea" smiled Zoe, taking a deep breath of fresh air. Adam put his arm round her shoulder and Zoe lent into him as they walked back inside. When they went in, they saw Steph with Alexa who was sat upon the front desk with Noel and Jay making a fuss over her. Noel gestured over towards Zoe when he noticed her coming. Steph turned and smiled towards her sister who returned the gesture. It was good to see her smiling again, thought Steph when Zoe and Adam reached them.

"Judging by the broad smile I presume you've heard to news about Nick" Steph remarked.

"Yes" grinned Zoe, lifting Alexa of off the desk. She tried to squirm her way out of her mothers' grasp but Zoe held firmly onto her. "Where is he Adam?"

"He's in one of the side rooms. He's still pretty out of it due to the morphine but he's looking forward to seeing a certain young lady!" laughed Adam as he walked with Zoe and Steph in the direction of Nick's room. Once there, they could see Nick through the door. He was only wired up to one drip now which put Zoe at more ease. As he heard to door open, he looked up and beamed, clearly delighted to see his daughter.

"Look who's here to see daddy" exclaimed Zoe. At the mention of the word 'daddy', Alexa looked round to see her father and instantly clapped her hands excitedly. Zoe placed Alexa onto the edge of the bed next to Nick. She didn't want to put her onto his legs in case Nick was still in pain but Nick lifted her onto him and kissed her head lightly. Zoe then took up the now unoccupied space on the bed and rested her hand tenderly on Nick's knee.

Seeing all three of them together, Adam and Steph thought it would probably be best if they left them alone for a few minutes.

"Glad to see you okay Nick" smiled Steph, nodding towards her soon to be brother in law.

"Thanks" Nick replied simply. He was glad for her concern though. Even though they never saw eye to eye, neither one wanted to see the other in distress.

Once Adam and Steph had left the room, a contented silence fell in the room. It was nice for it to finally just be there three of them together even though the circumstances weren't ideal.

"I'm sorry about earlier" Nick was the first to speak, breaking the silence. Zoe looked up from her daughter and met Nick's gaze. She smiled. She raised her hand to her fiancée's face and stroked it delicately, careful to miss the cut he had sustained from the crash.

"I'm sorry as well. I shouldn't have walked out" apologized Zoe. Nick frowned and took her hand.

"You have nothing to be sorry about darling" Nick said. It was almost a whisper but Zoe heard. She felt a tear fall down her face but Nick quickly wiped it away. He hated to see her cry. "It was me who tried to push you away. You know what I'm like but I need to learn to let you in. You're the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I can't keep shutting you out. You're my everything Zoe"

This little speech from Nick made even more tears fall. It wasn't just the words that touched her. Nick's eyes were filled with love and she knew that he meant every word of what he had just said. She lent in towards him and rested her head on his. He took his free arm which wasn't holding Alexa and placed it gently on the back on Zoe's head, pulling her even closer. Nick went in for a kiss and Zoe responded happily. It lasted longer than they both expected but it was certainly the most passionate kiss they had had in a long time despite the unusual situation.

"I enjoyed that" giggled Zoe.

"Ditto but let's save the rest from when we get home and we are away from young eyes" laughed Nick, indicated towards their daughter. "I'm serious though Zoe. I couldn't live without you and Lexi"

"And we couldn't live without you" smiled Zoe, stroking her daughters hair.

"I think we should set a date" stated Nick. Zoe looked at him, slightly confused. What the hell was he going on about?

"Nick, I don't understand" said Zoe, generally bewildered at Nick's statement.

"For our wedding! We've been engaged for absolutely ages and I think it's high time we made our commitment to each other official!"

Zoe seemed stunned into silence. With everything that had being going on the last few weeks, they hadn't even mentioned planning their wedding. Nick noticed Zoe's open mouth and put his hand under Zoe's chin, pressing it gently closed.

"You do want to don't you Zo?" added Nick, wondering if Zoe was beginning to waver.

"Are you joking Nick? Of course I want to! It just seemed like a bolt out of the blue" admitted Zoe, running her hair through her hair.

"Never be predictable!" Nick replied, looking down towards Alexa who was staring intently up at her father. He tickled her tummy and Alexa burst into a fit of giggles which instantly made both of her parents smile. "Anyway, I've leant that life's precious"

"Your right there" agreed Zoe, running her finger down Nick's cheek. She began to think of all of the times she'd nearly lost him. The tumour, the car crash and all the other numerous times Nick had put himself in danger either accidently or purposely.

"So, how about a white wedding?" suggested Nick "Or maybe spring?"

"Spring definitely. I'd love a big country house!" mused Zoe as Nick raised an eyebrow.

"You? A big country house? What's happened to the Zoe I know?" laughed Nick. It was Zoe's turn to raise her eyebrows and she gave him a light playful punch in the arm.

"Well, maybe living with you has changed me!" said Zoe.

Nick didn't respond to Zoe's comment but instead, leaned in towards her a planted a light kiss on the end of her nose.

"Don't ever change. Your perfect the way you are" Nick said softly into Zoe's ear.

Just then, the doors opened and Adam and Charlie stood at the door. They both looked at each other and smiled slightly, pleased with the seemingly happy family sat in front of them.

"Come on Zo, Nick needs his rest!" laughed Adam as Zoe pulled a face towards him. She didn't really want to leave him but she knew that he needed to rest up. She needed him back home with her and Alexa. Zoe got up off the bed and brushed down the sheets before picking up Alexa.

"Bye bye sweetheart. Daddy will see you soon!" smiled Nick, taking Alexa's hand.

"I'll be in first thing tomorrow" promised Zoe, kissing Nick gently on the lips. She then walked over to door where Adam and Charlie had already gone. Zoe turned around and smiled towards Nick who had lent back into the bed.

"I love you Nick" Zoe said.

Nick responded simply "I love you too darling"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**How was that? After all the angst in the last few chapters I really wanted to put a load of fluff in. I really enjoy writing about a happy Nick and Zoe so expect more of this sort of chapter in the future! It would also be wonderful if you could review this story. I'm nearly at 100 reviews which I am completely overwhelmed with so thank you everyone who has continued to read this fanfic! :) **

**X Natasha X**


	24. Chapter 24

A week had passed and Nick was still in hospital. Although nearly fully recovered, Nick had been kept in for observation in case any other complications arose from the accident. Zoe had been visiting nearly every day without fail with Alexa and Steph had continued to stay at Zoe's until Nick was well enough to return home.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

It was now Sunday morning. 8 days after the crash.

Zoe was hurrying around the flat in a mad panic after having been informed that Nick was able to come home. When she'd received the news, Zoe had nearly broken down in tears of happiness, over the moon that Nick was recovering and that they could get on with their lives again.

"Right, are you sure you'll be okay?" asked Zoe, quickly clearing the table of the breakfast things. Honestly, how much mess can two women and a toddler make at breakfast, thought Zoe to herself as she placed a couple of plates into the sink. She made a mental note to make sure she washed them up when she returned home with Nick but she doubted that she would be bothered.

"Seriously, don't you trust me Zoe?" laughed Steph who was sat on the sofa watching a children's television programme with Alexa.

"Yes, of course I do but you've done so much for us recently and I don't want to take advantage" Zoe admitted, perching on the edge of the sofa next to Steph. She had never been so grateful for her sister than she was now. Steph had been there to look after Alexa whenever she had to work. Ever since Alexa was born, both Zoe and Nick had struggled with childcare but Steph had certainly helped relieve that difficulty in the past few weeks.

"Look, you and Nick have had a hard time recently. What sort of sister would I be if I just upped and left?" The honesty in Steph's voice was clear to hear. Zoe knew she meant what she was saying.

"What would I do without you eh?" said Zoe, a smile tugging at the sides of her mouth. Steph shrugged comically and grinned back at Zoe. She curled her arm around Zoe's waist and pulled her close. The gesture came as a pleasant surprise to Zoe as she rested her head upon her sisters. They hadn't been close as children so it was nice for them now to embracing each other's company. As they both sat there, Zoe glanced down to look at Alexa. As she did so, Steph's wristwatch caught her eye and Zoe's eyes widened. "Flippin heck, is that the time?" Zoe quickly bolted up from the sofa and ran to the bedroom to grab her handbag.

"Did you have to be there at a certain time then?" called Steph, loud enough so Zoe could hear her.

"I promised Nick I'd be there 30 minutes ago. It's going to take me 10 minutes to get there as it is" sighed Zoe, coming out of the bedroom with her bulky black leather handbag draped over her arm. Zoe often wondered why she needed such a big handbag. Afterall, everything that was in it could easily fit into something three times smaller. Thinking back though, she knew why she purchased it. Nick had taken her to London one day, a couple of months after Alexa was born, and had said she could get anything she wanted. Naturally, she had brought the most expensive handbag in Selfridges. It just happened to be one of the biggest in the shop as well.

"He'll understand why your late. You do have to toddler to run around after!" laughed Steph.

"Yeah, I know. Have you seen my phone and car keys?" Zoe asked.

"Here" Steph said, taking Zoe's belongings off of the coffee table and handing them to her.

"Right, we shouldn't be too long hopefully. If we aren't back by 12pm, can you..."

"Give Alexa her lunch" smiled Steph, finishing Zoe's sentence for her. Zoe rolled her eyes as she slipped her feet into a pair of spectacularly high heels.

"See you later sweetheart" Zoe said lovingly, planting a kiss on her daughters head "See you later Steph" she added as she headed out of the door and down towards her mini. She had been wanting to update her car for a while but had never found the right time to actually go and look at some new ones. Once in the car, she heard her phone bleep and she took it out of her bag to have a look. It was a message from Adam.

**Message received from Adam T at 10.52am **

**'Come in the main entrance of the hospital. That way u can avoid the rabble at ED reception! Adam x'**

Zoe smiled to herself as she read Adam's text. She pondered over Adam's suggestion and realised he was probably right. As much as she loved her colleagues, today she just wanted to go straight to Nick. She knew that if she went through the ED reception, she would most likely be stopped by someone, asking how Nick was. Going in through the side meant that she could bypass it. She dropped her phone onto the seat next to her, started up the car and headed to the hospital.

Once at Holby hospital, she avoided the ED hospital car park and drove up to the main one round towards the front. She pulled into a space nearest the entrance. It was easier that way as it meant Nick didn't have to come so far. As she turned the ignition off, she decided she should probably return Adam's message.

**Message sent to Adam T at 11.08am**

**'I did as you said! Off to see Nick now, text u later. Z x'**

It was a brief message but the wasn't a need for an essay, she thought to herself as she got out the car and hurried on in to the hospital.

Nick had contacted her earlier in the morning and informed her he had been moved to the discharge lounge as had one of the nurses that had been caring for Nick. It was only a couple of floors up but Zoe couldn't be bothered with the stairs so she headed to the lift.

As Zoe headed towards the discharge lounge, she noted how quiet the corridors were. In the ED, there was constant movement with staff and patients hurrying around at a rate of knots. She eventually reached a door that was clearly labelled with a red sign entitled 'DISCHARGE ROOM'. Zoe peered in through the window of the door and saw Nick sat at the far end in an arm chair reading a newspaper. There was only one other people in there with him but they were engrossed in a listening to their music that was plugged into their ears. Zoe pushed the door open and Nick looked up. He instantly smiled and threw the newspaper onto the coffee table beside him.

"Hello darling" smiled Nick as Zoe approached. She sat gently on the edge of his knee and put her arm round him, tenderly kissing him on the lips.

"I've been longing for today. It's not the same without you at home!" said Zoe, nestling into Nick.

"So have I. I've hated being away from my two girls!" replied Nick, rubbing his hand over the small of Zoe's back.

"Let's get you home then" Zoe answered, hopping off Nick's knee. She grabbed his bag that contained clothes, wash bag and other various items he needed. Nick put his hands onto the arms of the chair and pushed himself up. Zoe used her free arm to steady him as she took hold of his arm. "You okay?"

"Still ache a little bit" Nick stated, rolling his neck in circles. This was one of the gentle exercises that Nick had been instructed to do.

"You can relax at home" said Zoe as she leant in towards Nick and placed another kiss on his lips.

"Yes please" agreed Nick "A takeaway and glass of something sparkling should do the trick!" Zoe frowned at this last comment and Nick knew exactly why.

"We'll have to see about that, considering the painkillers your on!" Zoe said as Nick nodded "We can certainly have that takeaway though!" added Zoe as an afterthought. It had been ages since they had just had a stress-free day lazing in front of the telly, curled up together. "I think Steph is also intending on leaving tonight"

"Really?" Nick's face turned to surprise as he took in what Zoe had just told him. He couldn't say he wasn't happy as he was glad for it to be just the three of them again but at the same time, Steph had really looked after Zoe, especially since he had been in hospital. That was something he wanted to thank Steph for.

"Well, you're coming home now so I think she thought it was probably a good time to go. Anyway, she must be longing to see Pearl and Joseph!" mused Zoe.

"I suppose so and I'm longing to see Alexa so let's get going" Nick stepped forward and started walking over to the door. Zoe dutifully followed and glanced over to the other young bloke in the room. He didn't even look up as they both left the room, completely unaware that they were leaving.

"Where are you parked?" queried Nick.

"In the main car park. It's less for you to walk" replied Zoe, smiling at her partner.

"Have you thought anymore of a wedding date?" said Nick, suddenly changing the subject. Zoe looked up and shook her head. It was the truth. Although it had crossed her mind a couple of times, she didn't want to make plans in her head because it wasn't just her day, Nick was just as much involved as well. She wanted them to make all their wedding arrangements together.

"I thought it was something we could both sit down and look at" answered Zoe honestly.

"I'd like that a lot" agreed Nick, wrapping his arm around Zoe's waist.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**I'm sorry this chapter is a little boring but I suppose it's a filler chapter. I must also say thank you to GillianKearneyFan, guest and Minxheart for reviewing and getting me to 100 reviews! It means so much to know that this story is being read and hopefully enjoyed! Ideas for storylines are also greatly appreciated, so please include them in any reviews! **

**X Natasha X**


	25. Chapter 25

"It's so good to be home" smiled Nick as Zoe unlocked the door to their flat. Almost instantly, a strong smell of bacon and the sound of classical music hit both of them. It certainly puzzled them as to why there was classical music playing. Steph was the only one here and it was very unlike her to be playing Vivaldi's four seasons at a moderate volume. Nick certainly wasn't going to complain as he'd rather hear that than some of the pop music that Zoe preferred to listen to. They both headed through to the kitchen where they saw Steph perched upon a kitchen bar stool, flicking through a celebrity gossip magazine. When she noticed Zoe and Nick standing there, she quickly pushed the magazine to one side and jumped off of the chair beaming.

"Nick, it's so good to see you well!" Steph grinned. She walked over to him and put her arms around him, much to Nick's surprise. In truth, that was the last thing he expected Zoe's sister to do.

"Erm... thanks" replied Nick as Steph pulled away "Something smells good"

"How does a bacon sandwich sound for lunch then?"

"Bloody wonderful!" said Nick. Steph smiled at his comment and wandered back over to the stove where the bacon was sizzling away in the frying pan.

"How's Alexa been?" asked Zoe, immediately wanting to know how her daughter had been.

"Good as gold although it took her little while to settle her for a nap" informed Steph, not looking up from her cooking. "You wouldn't mind grabbing a few plates would you Zoe?" added Steph as an afterthought. Zoe nodded obediently and grabbed some plates out of the cupboard.

"I'll just go and check on her" said Nick while the two women were busy in the kitchen. Zoe quickly turned her head and raised her eyebrows at Nick.

"If she's asleep then don't wake her" Zoe requested gently. She didn't want their daughter woken but at the same time, she knew Nick hadn't seen her properly accept when she had brought her in.

"I won't" responded Nick, walking over to Alexa's door. He pushed the door open slowly so as not to make too much noise. He put his head around the door and was surprised to see Alexa sat up in her cot and not asleep like her expected her to be. The room was dimly lit with the curtains pulled but there were pink fairly lights draped around the room. It took Alexa a few seconds to realise her father was standing in the doorway but as soon as she did, she grabbed hold of the bars of the cot and heaved herself up.

"Carry dada" cried Alexa as Nick came over to her.

"Hello my gorgeous girl" Nick said as he lifted Alexa out of her cot. In all honesty, Alexa was out growing her cot and Nick and Zoe hoped to try and make the transition to a bed as soon as possible. Alexa began to fidget in Nick's arms so he placed on the floor where she tried to walk on her own. She seemed to be getting a lot better at it as she wasn't so wobbly. Nick took her hand in case she fell but Alexa seemed perfectly fine as they walked out towards the kitchen. "I didn't wake her, honest!" reassured Nick. Zoe looked over to him and Lex and smiled.

"I can believe that!" laughed Zoe as Alexa tottered over to her dolls house the was situated in the over towards the sofa.

"So, I hear that you two are planning to set a date!" Steph pointed out "It's about time!"

"Yeah, we thought maybe March, April time. Hopefully Alexa will be old enough to understand it properly" mused Nick, looking towards Zoe who nodded her head in agreement.

"So, will it be a traditional church wedding or a registry office?" asked Steph.

"Sis, we've haven't thought that much into it" laughed Zoe as Steph shrugged.

"Well, I'm sure it's going to be wonderful whatever you decide!"

"I hope so" responded Zoe who gave a weak smile. Nick noticed the half hearted expression and walked over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"I'll make sure it's the most special day of our lives Zo" promised Nick, planting a kiss on her head. Zoe sighed and nuzzled closer into him. They'd been through so much and they both wanted their wedding to be a momentous occasion with all their friends and family around to celebrate it with them.

"Anyway, before you two get too carried away with the wedding prep, we've got some bacon sandwiches to eat!" Steph announced, bringing the plates of food over to the dining table.

They all seated themselves around the table and began to eat, with both Zoe and Nick keeping a watchful eye on Alexa who was still engrossed in her dolls house. While they were all eating their meal, a familiar ringing started coming from Zoe's bag. She immediately leaped up out of her seat and hurried over to her phone in case it stopped ringing. She fished for her phone in her bag and was surprised but happy as she looked at the person phoning her. Jessica.

"Jess, it's so good to hear from you!" Zoe said immediately when she pressed the phone to her ear.

_"Listen Zo, I can't talk for long as I'm at the airport" _explained Jess. She sounded as if she was out of breath.

"The airport?" responded Zoe, slightly bewildered "Where are you going?"

_"I'm coming home Zo. Me, Lucas and Amelia are coming home!" _

"Oh, that's such great news Jess. Does Adam know?"

_"Not yet, I kind of wanted to make it a surprise. Look, I'm going to have to go, our flights being called"_

"Wait Jess, do you have a place to stay when you get back?" asked Zoe, concerned that her friend had somewhere to go when she landed back in Britain.

_"It's fine. I've found a place to rent. It's on the farm mead estate but its only temporary" _Zoe grimaced when she heard where Jessica's accommodation was.

"Jess, you can stay at ours if you would prefer"

_"No Zoe, you've got Nick and Alexa there. Having us would only make it crowded. Seriously, we'll be fine. I'll text you when we land"_

"Okay" Zoe replied reluctantly "Speak to you soon" Zoe cut the call and sighed. She still wasn't happy about her friend staying on Farm mead but she knew Jess had made up her mind. She was just glad that she was coming back to the UK. Zoe shoved her phone back in her bag and wandered back over to the table. Nick looked eagerly at her, having overheard her conversation.

"Jessica's coming back then? asked Nick as Zoe nodded. He, like Zoe was glad. Not only was he fond of Jessica but he knew how happy it would make Adam. All Adam wanted was for Jessica and the children to return home.

"She's staying on the farm mead estate"

"Really?" answered Nick, extremely surprised.

"Yup. She's only renting there until she finds somewhere more permanent" said Zoe.

"Well, she's more than welcome to stay here if she wishes" In truth, there wasn't really much room in the flat as they only had a couple of bedrooms, hence why Steph was having to sleep on the sofa. Still, they could always find a way if Jess did decide to stay with them.

"I've told her that but she probably just wants her own space" mused Zoe, sitting back down in her chair.

"Who's Jessica?" asked Steph when she found a break in the silence.

"Oh, sorry" apologised Zoe, suddenly realising that her sister had no idea who this woman was. "She's Adam's ex wife. They had a really difficult time and she left for America and took her two children with her" Steph nodded in acknowledgement and carried on eating, not wanting to pry too much. After a few more minutes, the three of them were finished eating and Nick took all the plates over to the kitchen. Steph and Zoe were left sat at the table and a silence began to fall over them until Zoe broke it.

"I'm going to miss you Steph" Zoe said quietly, taking her sisters hand and squeezing it.

"It's been nice being here with you, even though the circumstances haven't been the greatest"

"Promise you'll come down more often?" requested Zoe. With her sister living up further away, they didn't get to see each other as much as they wished.

"Of course. I'll bring the kids down next time, give Alexa someone to play with!" smiled Steph "Hopefully she might have a little brother or sister soon?" Zoe gave a small smile to this last comment.

"I really hope so"

"Even if you can't have any more, you've still got Lex" Steph reassured Zoe who nodded gratefully. She knew she was lucky to have her little girl. She was the most precious thing in the world to both her and Nick.

"Speaking of which!" laughed Zoe as she looked down to see Alexa toddling over to her.

"Ma ma" cried Alexa, holding out her arms. Zoe grinned and lifted her daughter onto her lap.

"I think you need to be changed little lady!" said Zoe, noticing a slight smell beginning to appear. Zoe pushed the chair out from under her and carried Alexa into her room to give her a new nappy. Although she was still in nappies, she and Nick was hoping that they could try and start to potty train her within the next few weeks. When Zoe and Alexa had left the room, Nick came over to the dining table and sat down next to Steph. Nick laid back in the chair and looked at Steph who raised an eyebrow, unsure of why he was staring at her.

"You okay Nick?" asked Steph.

Nick bowed his head and took a deep intake of breath. "Look Steph, I know I haven't been the easiest person to get on with. I'm hard work and I know that. I just wanted to thank you for sticking by Zoe and supporting us both"

"She's my sister, I'd do anything to help her" replied Steph "And I'm just as bad Nick. I can be difficult sometimes so I suppose we are both in good company. What we both have in common though is Zoe and although we don't always see eye to eye, we need to make the effort for her"

"I agree"

"You'll be coming down for the wedding I hope?" queried Nick as Steph grinned.

"Just try and stop me, I can't wait! Have you told anyone else yet? Has Zoe told our mum?" asked Steph, throwing questions at Nick.

"No and no. We'll set a date before we tell anyone else although Zoe might want to tell Deborah" Nick said. He presumed that his wife to be would probably be itching to tell her mother that the wedding preparations were underway.

"I won't tell a soul" smiled Steph. The both of them sat them sat there in silence and within a few minutes, Zoe emerged from Alexa's room with Alexa balanced on her hip. The smiled over at her sister and fiancée who both returned the smile.

"You two look very cosy. Anything I should know about?" laughed Zoe, putting Alexa down onto the floor so she could play with her toys.

"Nope, nothing" said Nick. He got up off the chair and wandered over to Zoe. He shrouded his arms around her waist and pulled her close, allocating a small tender kiss on her lips. Zoe gave him a thoughtful smile and wondered what this sudden display of affection was for.

"Put her down!" giggled Steph "I think I'm going to go and pack my bag if you two are going to start that!" Steph got under and quickly headed towards the bathroom to collect her toiletries. Nick still kept hold of Zoe and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I love you so much" she whispered into his chest.

"I love you too beautiful" Nick uttered back, stroking Zoe's silky hair.

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**Please give a little review! I always appreciate them. Oh, and look out for another story I'm currently working on! I will hopefully upload it in the coming weeks! :)**

**X Natasha X**


	26. Chapter 26

**Firstly, I apologize for taking absolutely ages to update this story. I've just had no motivation to write over the past few months but I will aim to try and give more regular updates. Thank you to those people who have reviewed so far! I'm also sorry for the length of this chapter! Please read and review, it means the world to me!**

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They were completely surrounded by different sheets of paper, all which contained information on what was to be the most important day of their lives; Their wedding. They had been sat at the dining table for a good couple of hours, trying decide on every little detail from the wedding cake to the music choices for the first dance. It was a surprise to both of them how hard the preparations were but they were determined to make a good go of it.

"Right, so are we agreed on the 20th March for the date next year?" asked Nick. Zoe sighed and rolled her eyes. Nick had asked this at least three times already. She knew he wanted them to be absolutely certain but this was going slightly overboard.

"Yes, the 20th March. I'll make sure I get onto the registry office first thing" informed Zoe, making a mental note in her head. Nick nodded in satisfaction and quickly scanned his eyes down to the next thing they needed to discuss.

"Right, bridesmaids and the best man" instructed Nick, getting a fresh piece of paper and scribbling down a few words.

"Firstly, we've got to have Alexa as a little flower girl" smiled Zoe, imagining how adorable their daughter would look. "And Steph is most definitely going to be a bridesmaid. I was also thinking of asking Jessica as well when we see her" Zoe had always been adamant about Jessica playing a part in her wedding and her returning to the UK posed a perfect opportunity to ask her. She had got back a couple of days ago with the children and she had jumped at the chance to come over to Nick and Zoe's flat when Zoe had asked her.

" If you're asking Jessica, do you think it's a good idea to ask Adam to be best man?" queried Nick but Zoe quickly shook her head.

"I'll ask Jess today when she comes over but I'm sure she'll agree!" Zoe assured her fiancée who seemed pleased with her response to his question. Nick scribbled a couple more things down on a sheet of paper and then put it over to one side, making sure that it didn't get caught up in the other numerous sheets. He leant back in his chair and stretched his arms behind his head.

"Shall we have a break from all this wedding talk?" suggested Nick. Zoe nodded and smirked in response. She was mentally exhausted from the morning's planning and it was only half 11. "What time is Jessica coming?"

"About 1 o clock. Are you still going into work later?"

"I think I'm going to have to. Adam sent me an email with details of some paper work that still hasn't been done. It should hopefully only take a few hours or so" said Nick. He felt bad heading to work when Jessica was coming over but he couldn't leave Adam in the lurch. He was joint clinical lead after all. "Speaking of Adam, has Jessica managed to contact him?"

"Yeah. She's spoken to him over the phone and they are meeting up tomorrow" explained Zoe, putting a few sheets of paper into a file pocket which was aptly named 'Wedding Plans'. "Oh, I seriously can't wait to get married"

"You and me both. It's a new chapter in our lives. A chance for us to be a proper family" Nick got up and stood directly behind Zoe, gently massaging her shoulders. He could feel Zoe relax under his grip, obviously enjoy this attention. She lent her head onto his arm, closing her eyes. "So, when we going to make the big announcement then?" added Nick. Zoe tried to stifle a giggle, knowing full well that if they told one person, by the end of the day everyone would know.

"Why don't we just tell a few people for now. There's no need for everyone to know just yet"

"Whatever you want" smiled Nick, leaning over Zoe and placing a soft kiss upon her forehead. A small sound came over the monitor that was placed on the table. "We've been summoned. I'll go and check on her"

"Okay, I'd better go and get ready for Jessica. Make myself look a little more presentable!" Zoe laughed as she gestured towards her loose top and jogging bottoms she had thrown on that morning. When it was just the three of them, Zoe didn't see the point in making an effort with her hair or make up.

Two hours later and Zoe was sat curled up on the sofa with Alexa, reading a story to her. Nick had gone to work about half an hour ago to lend a helping hand to Adam. Jessica was due to come round any minute. Although she wasn't the best of cooks, Zoe had attempted to make a spaghetti bolognaise for their lunch which had resulted in a moderate success. Zoe had also bought a small bottle of red wine for them to enjoy with the food. Another 10 minutes passed and the high pitched sound of the doorbell rang out around the flat. Zoe quickly got up and making sure that Alexa was okay on the sofa, she headed off to the front door.

"Hello stranger!" smiled Jess as Zoe opened the door. She looked fabulous, thought Zoe admiring her friends glamorous ensemble. Jess had black skinny jeans on with a pale blue blouse flowing over it. She had completed her outfit with some rather high black heeled shoes. Her hair was also cut into a neat shoulder length bob, not to dissimilar to Zoe's own hairstyle.

"You look amazing Jess!" Zoe said, wrapping her arms around her friend. It felt like it had been so long since they had seen each other. "How are you?"

"I'm great Zoe. So much better than when I left Holby" said Jess. It was clear that Jess meant this. Her skin had a lovely light tan from the US sun and it was clear from her face that she was well rested.

"And the kids?" asked Zoe.

"They're both great. They loved the time we had in America and I'm just hoping they can settle back in England"

"I'm so pleased Jess that everything's finally worked out for you" Zoe took Jess' hand and squeezed it tight. It was no secret that Zoe worried about Jess. She had been through such a rough time and it was only natural for Zoe to want the best for her. She just hoped that a reunion with Adam was on the cards. "Anyway, why are we standing on the doorstep?" laughed Zoe, pulling Jess through the doorway. Jess dropped her handbag down in the hall way and followed Zoe through. Zoe went round to the sofa and lifted Alexa up.

"Oh my goodness Zoe, she's grown up so much!" beamed Jess. She hadn't actually met Alexa but Zoe had sent many pictures of her since she had been born. Jess held out her arms and Zoe placed her daughter carefully in her best friends embrace.

"Say hello Lex" said Zoe, pointing to Jess so Alexa understood who she was meant to be addressing.

"Lello" Alexa babbled much to Jess and Zoe's delight. It also made them laugh how Alexa hadn't managed to pronounce her H's.

"Good girl" Zoe smiled and stroked the little girls hair. Alexa gave a small smile and buried her head into Jess' shoulder.

"How old is she now?" asked Jess, rocking Alexa in her arms.

"2 and a half. I seriously can't believe how fast time is flying. Before I know it, she's going to be at school" sighed Zoe, hating how quickly Alexa was growing up. If someone had said to her about having children five years ago, Zoe would have laughed in their face but now, with Alexa, her views on motherhood had completely changed.

"Do you want more?" queried Jess.

"We'd love another if we can but you know-" Zoe tailed off looking at the floor. Jess just nodded in response, knowing full well why Zoe had decided to stop. She was one of the few that knew of Zoe's fertility problems.

"Yeah, I know. Why don't we sit down eh?" Jess gestured towards the sofa and both of the ladies sat down. Jess placed Alexa down on the floor where she immediately crawled over towards her dolls house in the corner of the room.

"So, what have you been up to over in the States?" smiled Zoe, leaning back into the soft cushions of the sofa.

"Where to begin!" Jess ran her hands through her hair and let out a long breath. So much had happened while she had been away in the states with the kids. "When I first went out there, it was pretty scary for all of us, being alone in a completely different country. Amelia and Lucas settled in a lot quicker than I did to be honest. They made friends so easily and loved their school. It was difficult for me to find a nursing position at first and it was obviously a challenge getting to grips with the different health system"

"Was it a good experience though?" asked Zoe.

"Goodness yes! I loved the experience and I made some really good friends over there as well" said Jess. A hint of a smile began to creep upon her face as she said it and she could see Zoe narrowing her eyes. She was obviously trying to figure out what the grin was for. It didn't take her long.

"You met someone?" smiled Zoe as Jess put her hand over her eyes. For some strange reason, she felt embarrassed talking about it, even though Zoe was one of her oldest friends.

"Yeah. He was called Jake. Drop dead gorgeous!" gushed Jess, remembering back to her time spent with him. "He'd actually only moved over to America three years before and he set up a small business out there" Jess continued telling Zoe the ins and outs of what when on in America before Zoe brought up the question that filled Jess with complete dread.

"What about Adam?" The question was simple and shouldn't have really been that difficult to answer but Jess found herself struggling to find the words. What about Adam? What was she going to do when she saw him again? What would they speak about? These thoughts had raced through Jess' mind often but she had never had the chance to actually voice them to anyone.

"To be honest, I don't really know" answered Jess "We've arranged to meet up and chat but I just don't know what I'll say or how I'll act. It's been a good couple of years since I last saw him"

"Just be yourself. That's what Adam feel in love with in the first place" Zoe reassured Jess truthfully. At this point, one lone tear fell down Jess' cheek. That tear symbolised what she had left behind when she went to America. The one true love of her life. Whether they could go back to their old life remained to be seen but Jess prayed they could give it a good go. Zoe moved closer towards Jess and wrapped a protective arm around her. Jess rested her head upon Zoe's shoulder and let the tears flow. This was the first time she had openly cried to someone since leaving Holby. She couldn't let her guard down around her two children. She knew she needed to be strong for them. As for Jake, she hadn't told him anything of what had happened back in England. Jess didn't see any reason for him to know. "I know he still cares about you Jess. I've never doubted that for a second" added Zoe. After a while, Jess' tears had subsided. Zoe left her sat on the sofa and headed towards kitchen, grabbing a drink for them both.

"Are you and Nick okay?" asked Jess as Zoe poured them out a small glass of wine. Zoe turned her head and smiled.

"We couldn't be happier to be honest. We've got our gorgeous little girl and getting married next year is just the icing on the cake"

"You know, I never actually thought you'd ever settle down Zo" admitted Jess as Zoe brought the glasses over. "You've always seemed so wild!"

"My crazy party days are well and truly behind me, believe me! I couldn't actually imagine myself going back because I feel so happy, so content in the present" beamed Zoe, thinking of everything she had now compared to a few years ago. She believed she had become a different person, a better person.

"Well, here's to new beginnings eh!" smiled Jess, raising her glass in the air. Zoe laughed and did the same, clinking both glasses together.


	27. Chapter 27

It was a Friday evening and Nick, Zoe, Tess, Adam and Charlie had all headed out to the pub for a couple of drinks. Nick normally wasn't one to be seen in the pub but Zoe had managed to twist his arm. Throughout the evening though, Zoe had begun to regret her decision to attend as she was gradually feeling rather ill. Over the past few days, she had felt a little queasy on and off. Only this morning had she actually been sick but she had failed to relay that piece of information onto Nick. She didn't see a need for him to know. Being ill was the last thing she wanted as she didn't want to pass anything onto Nick or Alexa. However, sitting in the pub now, she felt the familiar sickness feeling wash over her.

Zoe leant back in her seat and closed her eyes for a brief moment, hoping no one would notice. She took a couple of deep breaths but is seemed nothing would take away her nausea. "I'm just going to go and get a bit of fresh air" announced Zoe, finally realising that she needed to stand in the cool air outside. Nick turned around quickly from his conversation with Adam and narrowed his eyes, sensing something wasn't quite right with Zoe.

"You feeling ok Zoe?" he asked, his face etched with concern. Zoe nodded in response and decided there was no reason to tell him she felt unwell. She reached out her hand towards Nick's and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Seriously, there's no need to worry. I won't be long" said Zoe. Nick smiled and turned back to talking to Adam, obviously convinced by her reassured. As she grabbed her bag to get up, she caught Tess' eye who was seemingly sceptical over whether Zoe felt fine or not. Zoe just gave her a quick smile and headed swiftly outside. Once out in the open, Zoe leant on the pub wall and took a few deep breaths, grateful to be in the cool breeze. Not even half a minute passes before the pub door opened and Tess stepped out. Zoe sighed slightly as she had wanted to just be left alone for a while.

"Nick may have bought it but I don't" said Tess simply, wandering over to Zoe. She put a comforting arm upon Zoe's and gave a small smile. "What's really the matter?"

"Tess, I promise there's nothing wrong!" Zoe protested but she knew Tess knew that she was lying. There was no point continuing.

"And the truth?"

"I've just been feeling a bit off for the last couple of days. It's probably just something I ate" admitted Zoe. Tess nodded but she could still tell there was something else Zoe wasn't telling her.

"And?"

"And I'm late"

"You think you're pregnant?" said Tess, a small smile creeping onto her face.

"Maybe" said Zoe looking down at the floor "I haven't actually done the test"

"Why haven't you then? You need to be sure" advised Tess.

"In truth, I'm scared to find out. I don't know how I'd react if I were" said Zoe "Nick and I have wanted another baby for so long but I'd never thought that it might become reality. I'm not really sure if I'd cope"

"Oh Zoe, of course you'd cope. You're a wonderful mother to Alexa and you'd be amazing with another baby. Afterall, it's something that you and Nick have always wished for" said Tess. These words did comfort Zoe but she still couldn't help feel apprehensive about the possibility of becoming a mother for a second time.

"I know you're right but I suppose I'm just nervous" Tess nodded and pulled Zoe into a hug.

"I completely understand. I remember being nervous when I had my children. It's a massive change in your life" replied Tess, rubbing Zoe's back in circles. Zoe gave a small nod as she rested her head upon Tess' shoulder. She was trying hard to hold back the tears. After a few seconds, the pub door creaked open again and Nick stepped out. Zoe immediately broke away from Tess' embrace and quickly wiped away a stray tear that was trickling down her cheek.

"Everything okay?" asked Nick. He seemed more concerned now than earlier. Tess patted Zoe's arm and headed inside. She knew that Zoe needed to speak to Nick alone. "What's wrong sweetheart?"

"It's nothing" Zoe mumbled.

"Zoe, I know it's not nothing. You don't need to keep anything from me" Nick lifted his hand up to Zoe's face and stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"I think I might be pregnant" admitted Zoe. She looked up towards Nick and even in the darkness of night, she could see his face light up at what she had just said.

"Are you serious Zo?" Nick grinned, placing his arms around Zoe's waist "You haven't done a test?"

"No, I've just been to afraid to I guess"

"Do one tomorrow. I'll go out and grab one first thing" replied Nick, desperate to know whether he was to become a father again.

"This is what we want though isn't it?" asked Zoe. Nick moved away from Zoe slightly, confused about the question she had just asked him.

"Zo, why wouldn't it be? We've been trying for ages!" said Nick "You do want another baby don't you?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I'm sure that it's what I want and other times I don't know whether it's a good idea or not"

"This isn't a Christmas present Zoe. You can't take it back if you don't want it anymore. We could be bringing another child into the world!" Nick's tone was harsh but Zoe completely understood what her fiancée was saying.

"Don't you think I don't know that? It's all I've thought about for the past couple of days!" said Zoe, raising her voice. At this point, she knew she couldn't hold back her tears any longer. Nick suddenly looked a little guilty, realising that he had no reason to get annoyed at Zoe. He needed to support her because she was obviously distressed over the whole situation.

"Hey, shh" Nick soothed, pulling Zoe towards him. She buried her head into his chest and began to sob uncontrollably. Nick held Zoe's head and stroked her hair gently. Zoe couldn't actually understand why she was so upset. This was what she had wanted for so long yet the prospect scared her so much. "Whatever happens Zo, I'll support you. I'll be by your side all the way" Nick felt her nod and he held her even tighter, determined to protect her. She eventually moved her face away from Nick, her face tear stained.

"We'll do the test tomorrow. I can't wait any longer not knowing for certain" Zoe whispered. Nick gave a reassuring smile and cupped his hands around Zoe's face. "You know I love you Nick?"

"Of course. I'll never doubt that"

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**Hope you enjoyed that latest chapter. I don't think it's my best but it's a chapter that needed to be written. I apologize for any punctuation or grammatical mistakes made. Please read, review (constructive critism welcome) and suggest some ideas that you want to see happen in the story. **

**X Natasha X**


	28. Chapter 28

7.14am. It was now Saturday and Zoe was perched on the edge of the bath, staring into space. In her hand, she clutched a little white stick. In a few minutes, two to be exact, she would find out something that would change her life completely. Although there was no clock nearby, Zoe was counting seconds out by tapping her foot lightly upon the tiled floor. After the two minutes were up, Zoe still couldn't bare to look. The stick was still face down in the palm of her hand. She knew she couldn't wait too much longer but she just couldn't bring herself to turn it over. Instead, Zoe stood up and shakily headed towards the bedroom. She pushed the door open slowly so it didn't creak and although the room was dimly lit by a small streak of light from the curtains, she could see Nick sleeping soundly, the covers wrapped warmly around his body. Zoe smiled a little and padded towards his side of the bed. She sat down next to him and placed her hand upon his cheek, stroking it lightly. Nick stirred and opened his eyes quickly. When he saw it was Zoe, he instantly relaxed.

"What are you doing up?" he mumbled, his voice still heavy with sleep.

"I had a few things I needed to do" Zoe whispered back.

"At this time?" asked Nick.

"It was important" Zoe replied, pulling out the pregnancy test from behind her back. At this point, Nick's eyes widened and he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"You've done it?" Nick grinned "And?"

"And I want you to look" admitted Zoe, deciding that she'd rather Nick read the test. She turned the screen side in Nick's direction. She heard him take a deep intake of breath before looking.

"So?" asked Zoe. Nick's eyes looked down and his face immediately turned into a huge smile.

"See for yourself" beamed Nick. Zoe gasped as she knew the result without looking. However, she looked anyway. Positive. She was pregnant.

"Oh my god Nick!" Zoe laughed. She threw herself towards Nick who embraced her tightly. He kissed the top of her lightly as she nuzzled closer to him. "I can't believe it!" Although Nick didn't reply, the smile on his face was bigger than ever. They'd wanted for this for so long and now it was finally coming true. Zoe suddenly pulled away from Nick and looked at the test again, realising she hadn't taken in how many weeks gone she was. 3 weeks. She automatically put a protective hand over her stomach and Nick's hand joined hers, entwining his fingers between hers.

"We can do this Zo" Nick said simply "You, me, Lex and our baby" Nick gave a little laugh as he thought about how different saying 'our baby' sounded. Despite it feeling odd, it also felt perfect saying it.

"I know" grinned Zoe taking a deep breath.

"We'll have to get you booked in for a scan. It's up to you whether you want to go private though?" questioned Nick, giving Zoe food for thought.

"We never went private with Lex so I don't see any reason to with this pregnancy" decided Zoe.

"You still want Holby or shall we use St. James?" Nick asked. Zoe smiled at his eagerness.

"We don't need to make a decision right this minute Nick. We can have a think about it!" laughed Zoe. Nick nodded in response, acknowledging that he was getting ahead of himself. He just wanted everything to be perfect. Suddenly another thought sprang to mind, something that neither he or Zoe had actually contemplated yet.

"Zo, have you thought about where we are going to actually live? I mean this house is perfect for the three of us but when little'un arrives, we're going to be pushed for space" said Nick, glancing around the room. Zoe did the same and pulled a face, obviously realising that Nick was right. Their flat was lovely but with only two bedrooms, it just wasn't going to practical. She put her head in her hands, beginning to feel some slight pressure. Nick recognised this and rubbed her back. He was determined that Zoe wasn't to get stressed. "Zo, it's just something to think about. Let's not worry about it yet. Why don't you come back to bed?" Nick patted the bed and lifted up the covers. Zoe willingly obliged and crawled over the bed. She slipped her body underneath the duvet and snuggled up close to Nick, resting her head against Nick's chest. He put his arm around her and began drawing small circles in the middle of her back. "Everything's going to work out Zo, I promise you that" Nick whispered, kissing a patch of her soft dark hair.

"I love you Nick Jordan, more than anything" Zoe breathed in response, placing a small kiss upon his bare chest.

"I know" responded Nick simply.

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**Hope you enjoyed, please read and review!**

**X Natasha X**


	29. Chapter 29

Looking in the mirror, Zoe couldn't help but beam with happiness. She was stood sideways on, in her nightdress, admiring her newly changing figure. She moved her hands up to her stomach and placed one hand above and one hand below her bump, cupping it gently. She was still very petite and her rounded stomach still wasn't noticeable, provided she wore slightly loser clothing. At work, only Tess and Charlie knew about the pregnancy and both Nick and Zoe had sworn them to secrecy. It certainly wasn't easy hiding it though. Zoe was careful not to do anything too strenuous such as lifting stretchers onto beds. Somehow, she'd managed to go unnoticed although she had clocked Adam narrowing his eyes at her on a couple of occasions.

Zoe stood there for another few minutes before she eventually noticed Nick standing by the bedroom door in the reflection of the mirror. Zoe span around and grinned.

"How long have you been standing there then?" asked Zoe. Nick smiled back and wandered over, wrapping his arm protectively around Zoe's waist.

"Long enough. Just admiring how beautiful you're looking this morning" said Nick as Zoe rolled her eyes "Anyway, today's the day!"

Zoe took a deep breath and then grinned up towards Nick who's expression reflected her own. Today was her 12 week scan, a day that they had both been waiting for, for weeks. It was of course mixed with apprehension but they were still both looking forward to the day. Alexa was also coming along too as both Nick and Zoe wanted to include their daughter in the pregnancy as much as they could. Although she was only a toddler, they both felt it important for Alexa to feel part of everything and not feel left out when her brother or sister arrived.

"You nervous?" asked Zoe. Nick widened his eyes and then nodded slowly.

"I guess I am. It's a big day isn't it, the first time we get to see our baby" Nick responded, looking down and laying his hand upon Zoe's stomach.

"I know" answered Zoe "Do you think we should go public with the pregnancy, presuming everything goes okay today?"

"It's up to you but it is nice being able to keep it to ourselves" admitted Nick, enjoying keep the pregnancy between them and a couple of others.

" I agree but I don't think I can hide it for much longer. I'm sure Adam knows that something's up and no doubt a few others have their suspicions" countered Zoe. Nick smiled and kissed the top of her head lightly.

"I'll do whatever you wish. If you feel it's the right time then we'll announce it" Nick's tone was supportive and Zoe immediately felt at ease. "Right, I'll go and get little'un up and get her breakfast whilst you get ready and make yourself even more beautiful!" Nick winked as he headed out of the bedroom.

"You always were a charmer!" Zoe laughed as she called after him. Zoe turned away from the mirror and headed over towards the chair in their bedroom where she had laid out her clothes for today last night. As she wasn't working today, she'd decided upon some comfy black leggings and dark pink blouse to wear. She was hoping to be able to go maternity shopping in a few weeks and buy a few things for her ever changing figure.

Once ready, Zoe headed out towards the kitchen where Alexa was sat in her high chair, attempting to feed herself some cereal. Nick was leant over the cooker, creating something that smelled suspiciously like a cooked breakfast.

"Smells gorgeous!" Zoe remarked. "Pass me a piece of kitchen roll" added Zoe, smiling at how messy her daughter had managed to get her high chair. "Look at you missy, making a mess everywhere" Zoe's tone didn't have any once of annoyance in and Alexa responded to her mother's comment by pointing at the spilled cereal and giggling.

"Here we are" announced Nick as he placed the last few rashers of bacon onto their plates and carried them over to the table. Both Nick and Zoe took their seats at the table and began tucking into a plate of bacon, mushrooms, eggs, sausages, beans and hash browns. "Oh, Zo" Nick's expression told Zoe that he was probably going to say something she wasn't going to like.

"What is it?"

"I've said I'll pop into work for a few hours later. Adam's request, I'm sorry"

Zoe sighed and pushed the food around her plate. She'd hoped that Nick had taken the day off to come to the scan and then spend the rest of the day with her and Alexa. "Seriously Nick?"

"He sounded desperate and it isn't for very long" Nick said apologetically. Zoe nodded and smiled a little.

"No, don't apologize" said Zoe, realising that she may be being a little harsh on Nick "That's what I love about you, you're helpful and caring"

"I'd certainly be in the wrong profession if I wasn't!" Nick winked, realising that she'd forgiven him "Look, today's a special day and I won't let work get in the way I promise. Now, eat up or else your food will get cold!"

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**I'm sorry for the wait but I hope it's worth it. I have already written the next chapter so hopefully that should be up in the next few days. I love to receive reviews so if you have time, please leave a little comment whether good or bad! :) **


	30. Chapter 30

All three of them had arrived at the hospital for the scan. Although they wanted to keep things quiet, Zoe had chosen Holby for her hospital due to the fact that it was familiar to her. Not just because of work but because of her last pregnancy. They had arrived a little early but they didn't mind, providing the waiting room had something to keep Alexa occupied. She was at that age where all she wanted to do was run around and explore and she was certainly keeping her parent's on their toes.

"Alexa, don't go too far!" called Nick, watching his daughter toddle off down the corridor. Alexa stopped in her tracks at hearing her father's voice and turned around giving him a beaming smile. That smile melted Nick's heart every time. Both Nick and Zoe knew that she was turning in a daddy's girl and it was obvious that Alexa would be able to wrap Nick around her little finger when she grew up.

Nick and Zoe took a couple of seats near to play corner in the vain hope that Alexa might settle down and play with the toys laid out. They got their wish as Alexa came running back down the corridor, realising she was quite far away from her parents.

"Look at that Lex" said Zoe gently, pointing towards a couple of picture books with animals illustrated on the cover. Alexa happily sat down in front of them and picked up one of the books.

"So, you ready for this?" Nick whispered into Zoe's ear. He took her hand and squeezed it tightly.

"I think so" said Zoe quietly "You know, I never thought we'd be lucky enough to be sat here again, waiting to see our baby on a scan"

Nick smiled at Zoe's comment, realising how lucky they really were. "It's all we've ever wanted"

"The thought of having two young children fills me with apprehension yet absolute joy at the same time!" laughed Zoe, rubbing her stomach in small circles.

"Whatever happens, I'll be by your side every step of the way. We're a team, you and I" responded Nick, nudging Zoe in playful yet gentle manner. The doors to one of the side rooms opened suddenly and a young woman stepped out, presumably the sonographer, clutching a clipboard.

"Zoe Hanna?" she called out as she scanned the waiting room. Zoe smiled and stood up. She then bent down towards Alexa who was still busy looking at the bright colourful picture book. "Come on Lex" she said gently, taking Alexa's hand and leading her into the room. Nick followed on quickly behind. Once Zoe was settled upon the bed, Nick lifted Alexa onto his lap to stop her wandering around the room and touching the medical equipment scattered around. "So, I take it this isn't your first?" the sonographer smiled as she ran the scanner, covered with gel, across Zoe's stomach.

"Nope, our second. It was certainly a surprise but a lovely one" said Zoe. Her voice has shaking ever so slightly because of how nervous she felt.

"Well here we go, here's your surprise" the sonographer announced as she paused at one spot. "I'd say you were bang on 12 weeks pregnant. There's a strong healthy heartbeat and from what I can see at this early stage, everything seems to be developing as it should be"

There was a great sigh of relief from Nick and Zoe as they took in the good news.

"So it's not twins then?" Nick laughed as he winked towards Zoe who raised her eyebrows at this comment. The sonographer shook her head and paused the screen on the scanner.

"No, there's just the one" she smiled. "I presume you'd like a copy?"

"Please" nodded Zoe.

"Two if possible" Nick added as he wanted both him and Zoe to have a picture.

"I'll book you in for your 20 week anomaly scan" informed the sonographer as she waited for the pictures to come through "I know you've been through it before so I won't go into too much detail but in this scan we can check the development more thoroughly and you can also find out the gender if you wish"

When the photos had been printed, the sonographer waved them around in air to dry them and then handed both copies to Zoe who immediately looked at them carefully. They were perfect. Her little baby was safe and healthy and those pictures allowed her fears to subside.

"Thank you" Zoe acknowledged the sonographer who opened the consulting room door.

"My pleasure. Look after yourselves" she said before shutting the door.

"How brilliant is that" grinned Nick, putting a arm around Zoe's waist while balancing Alexa in his other.

"I can't tell you how relieved I feel" she said quietly, gazing down at the photos. She then looked up and smiled "I suppose it's time to let a few more people know. I've been longing to tell Mum and Steph the news!"

"Tomorrow" smiled Nick, kissing Zoe's head lightly. He then quickly glanced at his watch and frowned. Zoe saw this expression and put her hand on his arm.

"If you need to go Nick, go" Zoe said but Nick shook his head in disagreement.

"No, I'm going to take you and Lex home and get some lunch. I'll head out after that" He concluded "Come on, let's go" Nick urged, guiding Zoe by the waist towards the exit of the gynaecology and obstetrics department.

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**I hope that all the medical information in this chapter was correct. I have done a little bit of research as I wanted everything I wrote about to be accurate. As always, thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites. They mean a lot! :) **

**X Natasha X **


	31. Chapter 31

Zoe smiled as she took a deep breath of the cool air. Despite the sun, there was still a breeze blowing but it wasn't unpleasant in the slightest. The waves lapped up against the golden sand as the tide gradually encroached upon the shore. This tranquillity and calm was a rarity for Zoe these days. Her time was normally took up with running around after her young daughter or hurrying around the Emergency Department, chasing up the notes of her next patient. Not that she didn't enjoy this, she loved it in fact. However, Zoe was the first to admit that having a day away from all that hustle and bustle was a relief.

Today was the perfect day. Zoe had arranged to meet up with her mother for a girly day out down by the sea and early that morning, they had set off leaving Nick at home to spend a father daughter day with Alexa.

So here they were, the sun beginning to set over the horizon. Zoe and Deborah were sat upon the sea wall, swinging their legs over the small drop below. The two of them were clutching ice creams that were slowly melting. Zoe had opted for a traditional flavour but Deborah had gone for some odd concoction that Zoe had immediately turned her nose up at. To be honest, she wasn't sure whether her distaste was just due to her sudden dislike to certain foods due to her pregnancy.

The pregnancy also wasn't something she had told her mum yet. There hadn't appeared to be an appropriate time due to their various activities during the day but here, sat in the peace and quiet, seemed like the best time to deliver the most important news a daughter could ever tell her mother. Before Zoe could speak, Deborah spoke up first.

"Hasn't today been wonderful?" she mused, taking a lick of her ice cream. "Just me and you, spending time together, how long has it been?"

Zoe shrugged and racked her brains to think of a date. It had been a good few months at least since they had spent proper time together. "It's just been good to get away from everything and relax"

"You certainly deserve the break" Deborah declaring, smiling warmly towards her eldest daughter. "You work so hard, at both being a mother and working in the hospital. Seeing you today has just confirmed my pride for you"

"Mum-" Zoe said, trying to prevent her mother from saying anymore. She could tell where this was leading. She was certainly going to start getting all sentimental.

"Nope, I'm going to say it" Deborah stated as Zoe shook her head, smiling slightly. "I'm so proud of you Zo. Firstly, you brought into the world the most perfect little girl who clearly adores you. Secondly, look how far you've come with your career?" Deborah stopped after this to pause and looked at her daughter. "I'm serious Zoe, You've made me incredibly proud and I couldn't love you more if I tried. There, I won't say anymore"

Zoe smiled. Her heart was beginning to beat faster. She hadn't pictured feeling this nervous.

"I suppose this would be a good time to tell you my news?" grinned Zoe. Deborah immediately look worried, her face etched with concern. However, this expression vanished as quickly as it had come when she noticed Zoe face plastered with a smile. "I'm pregnant"

"Seriously?" Deborah asked, not quite believing what Zoe was telling her. "When did you find out?"

"A couple of months back. We wanted to keep it quiet for a while, just in case" Zoe responded, watching as her mother digested the news that she was to become a grandmother once more. "We had the 12 week scan yesterday and Nick and I decided that now was the right time to start telling a few people. To be honest, once we tell one person at the ED, the whole hospital will know within a few hours!"

"I'm still struggling to comprehend it!" laughed Deborah, her face lit up with happiness.

"Believe me, so are we!" smiled Zoe, placing a hand over her stomach. It was wonderful to be able to finally confide in her mother over something so special and important.

"You are happy though?" Deborah queried. Although it sounded like an odd question when Zoe appeared so happy, Deborah knew her daughter inside and out and she'd known of her reservations about the possibility of having more children. Zoe nodded as her mother took hold of her hand, squeezing it gently.

"At first, I wondered whether we'd manage having another child" admitted Zoe, not afraid to tell her mum how she'd felt "I mean, me and Nick both lead busy lives and having Alexa made us realise how difficult having high powered jobs and being parents can be"

"And now?"

"Now it just feels right. We've always wanted Alexa to have a brother or sister and having another chance to become parents is just such a incredible gift"

"I am so happy for you" Deborah smiled, placing the remains of her ice cream down beside her and pulling Zoe into her embrace. Finally, both of her daughters were happy and settled . Both had partners, both blessed with beautiful children. It was all Deborah had ever wanted for Zoe and Stephanie.

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**I apologize for the long wait of this chapter but I've had exams recently and much of my time has been spent revising for them. I'm also not very sure about this chapter. Not much really happened but I felt it was important. I promise it will get a bit more exciting! In the meantime, please read and review, any mistakes are my own. **

**X Natasha X**


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